Should i contact the father or reach out to his family?

[MissChristina]

My sons father decided he wanted nothing to do with my son shortly after I became pregnant but we kept in contact through out my pregnancy. Once my son was born his decided he wanted to meet him, so he spent a day with us when my son was 3months old (now 2yrs). Since then he hasn't wanted anything to do with him as I didn't want a relationship with him.
My mum recently brought up the subject of attempting to find where he is now living, so together we did a quick bit of research and found a lot of information on him as well as contact details for him and his mother.
Finding this information has left me really confused as I want my son to have a father and a male role model in his life (he currently only has my younger brother who is 18 as the only male in his life). The only thing is my relationship with him was emotionally abusive and after we broke up he attempted to commit suicide.
It's been 2 years since he met my son and now I don't know if I should attempt to contact him or even his mother (they live half the country's length away from me). I want the contact for when my son starts asking questions as to why he doesn't have a dad, but I don't know whats best for him, and I don't want my son getting hurt.
So confused!!!

Honest opinion is a bit fat no. If a man has to be chased to be a father, is that really the male role model a child needs?

I would say no too. Invest your time and energy in building a positive support system for you and your son based on people who want to be in his life. Far better to have an absent father and loving, involved friends (who are great role models) than to have an involved father who emotionally abuses you or his son. If and when either of them want you to help them develop a relationship deal with it then. Until then, enjoy your stress free life.

Read 'Raising Boys' as it will help you to feel secure in your decisions too. Honestly I wish I'd invested less energy in forcing my sons dad to be involved and let him do as little as he wanted to. It's far harder now to deal with him and his EA behaviour when they see him every week.

My honest opinion is a big fat no as well.

I have friends whose x-husbands (so, families all aware of each other on both sides) can't seem to pull being a father out of the bag.

No amount of reasoning or logic or emotional appealing to their better nature will turn a reluctant father in to a willing father.

Sorry if I sound pessimistic, I've just seen this play out over the years. I'm a decade further down the line. I've seen other single friends whose husbands were happily married fathers one minute and then when they're out of the marriage they're out of fatherhood too.

Don't contact him. Start thinking of your family as a whole family without him.