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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Original poster

incredibly sad lonely mummy

23 replies

lonelymummy123 · 31/12/2013 19:04

Here goes first time posting. I guess im really hoping for some advice.
So I am 26 year old mummy to a beautiful 5 year old I spilt with her dad when she 1 and a half due to a lot of emotional abuse, which left me lacking in confidence majorly. I met a lovely man a few months later who unfortunately lives 4 hours drive away. As you can guess I still got incredibly lonely at times. Anyway to the point we spilt and I realised exactly who was there for me not one person. People who I thought were friends I don't hear from unless I contact them. My parents live around the corner some of you may think great but they never come to me and I find myself sitting round there bored same routine all the time I am desperate to work now my daughters in school but getting a job where I can fit around her Is difficult and being out of work 5 years is difficult. I do so much for people always there for others when they need me I only really hear from others when they need a shoulder to cry on as well. I am stuck in every single night maybe once every 2 months I go out and watching everyone so happy is getting to me. I have no one to talk to what so ever. Im getting tired of life and feeling lonely I just don't know what to do any more and often spend my evenings crying. Being sat in my house from 7pm staring at 4 walls till the morning when I drop my daughter to school with not a single person to talk to is starting to take its toll. Anyone help? :(

OP posts:
Timetoask · 31/12/2013 19:08

Could you enrol in a course that will enable you to go to work? I think going to work will be really good for you.

twentyten · 31/12/2013 19:09

So sorry to hear your story. Sounds like you are a fab mum. Have you looked at mumsnet local ?

Things will get better- have you tried doing voluntary work to get to some experience? Good luck. Plenty of support on here.

bluebell234 · 31/12/2013 19:16

please don't be sad lonelymum :(.
try to look positive, you are not with that abusive man or another wrong person.
people's life are busy and sometimes they can not be considerate enough to ask about you, that's life unfortunately. but you will meet nice people I am sure, you are very young.
please don't spend your young years crying.
if you cant find anything to fit your childcare, you can look for some courses about things you like to do and can become a job for you in the future. there, you can meet people having same interests with you and you will feel more productive and your self esteem will be higher.
believe in yourself and try to think positive.
wishing you a happy new year. :)

Yika · 31/12/2013 19:17

Sorry to hear this. :( I suggest starting by sitting down with a pen and paper and having a brainstorm about every single possible thing you could do to have more social contact, including things you could do in the evenings when you're at home. Could be things like:

  • local parent and child activities
  • throw a party, tea party, childrens party, coffee morning
  • join a book club
  • call old friends of an evening
  • get existing friends to introduce you to new ones
  • invite a friend over for a drink or a pizza

Don't get disheartened by you having to be the one to make all the contact, take all the initiative - just keep plugging away at it - probably it reflects the fact that your need is greater than theirs. It's hard work but better than sitting in alone.

What work would you like to do? I agree that this should also be a priority.

Original poster
lonelymummy123 · 31/12/2013 19:19

Thank you for your reply I currently have an nvq2 in childcare and I am doing a teaching assistant course diploma level 3 but its one day a week for 3 hours. Which is my only excitement for the week and believe me I get excited even though I can't stand writing lol. I have thought about volunteering but job centre recons I can not volunteer and do a course? I have been on 6 job interviews but even though I had 5 years experience before I had my daughter the curriculum has changed and because I haven't worked with it no one wants me sigh :(

OP posts:
paneer · 31/12/2013 19:22

what about volunteering as a parent helper at your dd's school. or even getting involved with the pta?

bluebell234 · 31/12/2013 19:23

you can not volunteer and do a course?
did you ask it to someone else as well?

Meglet · 31/12/2013 19:27

Hello. Sorry you're struggling at the moment. I find evenings hard too.

If you want to have a look for education (ie; term time) jobs then there is probably a local job agency that specialises in them. Alternatively the education pages on your local government site should have a link to jobs. Term time jobs are popular but they should give you some ideas, even if it's 'just' a lunchtime supervisor role.

If you haven't studied much before then you may be eligible for funding for an OU course. I've been muddling through with them for a couple of years, it forces me to be productive with my evenings. i don't do housework

Original poster
lonelymummy123 · 31/12/2013 19:27

Asking friends over only leaves me feeling worse one of them agreed to come over only then decided to change it as her bf wanted her to go out with him even though she spends every day with him and I haven't seen her since July.. Other so called friend of mine who have children are always out partying or so they won't come over. Also the last time I went out was with my aunt who did nothing but put me down. I just don't know any more I try so hard in everything I do to try and make life happy. I suggest cookig dinner for my family. Not interested. I feel like im hitting a brick wall in every aspect of my life im pretty sure I have a curse stuck overy head ahhh

OP posts:
Original poster
lonelymummy123 · 31/12/2013 19:29

My job centre adviser says I can't volunteer as im doing a course which means im not available for work then she has to stop my money. I don't understand it

OP posts:
PleaseLetsGoToSleep · 31/12/2013 19:37

Where abouts are you in the country Lonely?

Original poster
lonelymummy123 · 31/12/2013 19:42

I am in London. So im fighting for jobs where over 100 people are applying as one interview lady kindly told me

OP posts:
deepbluewave · 31/12/2013 20:00

Oh my first message deleted! Balls!
You're doing amazingly well. Just know it & know your worth. At least your not sat on your arse & your trying.
You could've described my life- apart from the work bit.
I have a bloke 3 hours away- don't think well ever really be together & it makes me more lonely. Friends are all hooked up- parents are round the corner, but we pretend to get on. Sat alone on NYE, at 33 years old.
Balls anyway- as soon as my DS is old enough, well go on great holidays & see the world. We have been dancing & laughing all night & that's the NY I need.
Pls don't think you're alone. Life will get better. Just gotta try & see the good in what you have. It is very different to your friends & that can be hard.
You'll bet there!Grin

Original poster
lonelymummy123 · 31/12/2013 20:52

Please don't take this wrong but its nice to know im not the only person feeling this way. As much as I wouldn't wish it on anyone it makes me see im not alone. I am also sat alone and tomorrow I will be sat with my daughter alone. Life can be so tricky people who want and try get nothing yet some of my so called friends seem to be handed jobs bfs and good exciting life lol. I guess we need to just keep our heads up and know one day our time to be happy will come. Just wish I had people to talk to some times :)

OP posts:
nefelibata · 31/12/2013 21:10

I'm sat on my own too, with two small boys upstairs sleeping. The eldest bit the youngest in the bath so we had tears before bedtime (he's 3, young one is 19mo) - happy bloody new year! I've spent the majority of the evening since then composing an email to my EA ex declining mediation. Basically because he is a manipulative arse who has only asked for mediation because I've stopped speaking to him. Which I did on the advice of the DA worker I'm in touch with. FUN TIMES.

I am hoping and praying tonight for a year of ups. I've labelled two kilner jars 'fortitude' and 'gratitude'. In the first one, I'm saving ALL my loose change at the end of every day, until next Christmas. Then I hope I'll have enough to take me and the DC on a small break away somewhere (a caravan or something like a shephards hut would be nice for 3-4 days). In the second jar I'm making a commitment to put a note in at the end of every day that says something I'm grateful for that happened that day. Next Christmas I'll thread all the bits of paper onto string and hang it up as a decoration to remind me of how awesome things are (on balance) and to see how far we've come.

As for the rest of tonight, well I'll load the dishwasher, clean the loo etc then go to bed. YAY! You are not alone xx

Yika · 31/12/2013 21:15

Nefelibata I love the fortitude and gratitude jars!!!

OP your friends sound like a useless bunch. It's not you, it's them!

How about taking up a sport, it can be both social and at the same time energising/empowering, which could help with your understandable feelings of dejection.

paneer · 31/12/2013 21:27

I am on my own tonight. dd in bed. well, not quite alone as the cat is walking around.

when I first became single I learnt and forced myself
to reach out to friends and family when I was low. I always kept my feelings to myself and was always ok whenever asked. now if I feel crap or lonely I phone and tell a friend and ask for help or a moan or whatever.

PleaseLetsGoToSleep · 31/12/2013 21:52

Another one on their own tonight, completely; ds is at his Dad's house. Hooray for the solidarity on this thread! Anyone got wine? I couldn't be bothered to go out and get some earlier, and now regretting it.

Original poster
lonelymummy123 · 31/12/2013 23:12

Least im not the only one alone im feeling very sorry for myself lol. I have baileys and I shall be watching the tv exciting lol.
Nef I love the sound of that idea I have been saving my loose change maybe if I keep goung I could have a holiday haven't had one in years.
Panner I try to reach out but because its not them with problems they dont care I helped a friend through a very bad patch id call her everyday and she would literally cry to me where is she now with her bf who I arranged for her to meet and haven't seen her in months. Never mind such as life

OP posts:
IAmMine · 01/01/2014 13:35

Hi, Im new here too. I do get lonely at times. 2 years since I threw EA narc exh out, which took me 2 years to do as after his affair he wouldnt leave. I have 3 DCs so they keep me busy but I used to and still do need adult company. I totally
understand where your coming from.
Its hard but you must try to push yourself to make the effort and contact people in real life. I have lost friends since my break up but have also found new ones now. Also ive got
back in touch with old friends who my ex hated and stopped me seeing. It was very hard to contact those as I felt so stupid for loosing contact with them because of exh. They have been brilliant welcoming me back into their lives...supporting me and never making me feel foolish for my bad choices.
I guess im just offering support and wish you well for your future....Smile

IAmMine · 01/01/2014 13:40

Oh and re the jars idea....im going to do that too. What a brilliant idea!!! Thanks

sarahquilt · 02/01/2014 12:27

I just read your post and wanted to offer a hug. It's not much fun when you find out who your friends really are but you have to trust that there are nice people out there.

equinox · 02/01/2014 13:20

I would definitely do a couple of day time courses something useful.

I would also do 1 day or so volunteer work weekly to get an up to date reference. Perhaps something in a niche you would like to work in.

HTH.

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