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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

:-(

16 replies

JustDrive · 31/12/2013 02:42

Bumped into stbexh today out with his new gf.
He left a month ago and i have kept asking if there was anyone else but he'd said no.
Literally came face to face with my worst nightmare. Can't sleep.

I was alone with DS at the time and it was upsetting for both of us, don't know how I'll cope going forward.

Have stupidly text him calling him selfish and other things, I just have so much anger and hurt as I really wanted him back.

OP posts:

TerraNotSoFirma · 31/12/2013 02:46

That must have been awful. Am so sorry.

Roshbegosh · 31/12/2013 02:46

He is a coward to let you and DS find out like this. Don't text him though, keep dignified as your anger will not go away and you will sound crazy at the moment. Normal. You will survive OP. You will see him for the shit he is.

shoom · 31/12/2013 02:47

That's awful.
Hopefully knowing the truth means any confusing messages he gave you about the reason for leaving now makes more sense. How cowardly of him to do this.

Original poster

JustDrive · 31/12/2013 03:10

He was meant to haveDS tomorrow night but I've said no. I know this is wrong but I'm livid and so hurt and emotional right now that he's such a liar.

OP posts:

Original poster

JustDrive · 31/12/2013 03:11

How do I go forward in a dignified way after texting and going ape shit!!

OP posts:

Roshbegosh · 31/12/2013 06:40

Get some sleep if you can. Tomorrow is another day and you need to stop showing him how you feel. Just focus on seeing a lawyer and what DS needs. Look after the practicalities of what you both need and you need to have a cool head to do that. You will lose it from time to time but let him see you as a strong woman who can get along very well without him, even if you are falling apart inside.

starlight1234 · 31/12/2013 08:56

Ok very hard but you need to separate the two....Your DS relationship with his Dad and yours with the cheating scumbag husband...

You have every right to be angry....However not to use your son

Send a text I am very angry at his deceit but contact will continue as planned...

Either rant on here or go find a good friend or family member to let it all out to...

I would have as little contact with him as possible while you are so angry.... You will do things you regret...

Roshbegosh · 31/12/2013 10:44

I think starlight has given you excellent advice OP. You will need to summon up all your strength to get through this but the day will come when you will be glad you aren't with that dishonest and selfish man.

PleaseLetsGoToSleep · 31/12/2013 12:02

Yes, and try to feel sorry for his new gf (I know nearly impossible right now), she has really landed the jackpot hasn't she.......a lying worthless shite of a man. If she doesn't realize this yet she soon will, and you can nod knowingly to yourself.

Original poster

JustDrive · 01/01/2014 21:12

So found out that this woman works with him and started a couple of months ago.
No wonder he was so quick to move out even though we struggle to make ends meet.

Text him as suggested yesterday saying I was hurt but he can see our son as planned. He replied saying you're playing games. Then ignored my calls all day and text at 7pm to say I shouldn't play games etc.
I thought I was being the better person backing down and letting him see DS.

He obviously wanted to spend NYE with the gf. How do I control these feelings?!

OP posts:

Sasquatch75 · 01/01/2014 21:33

Oh god, how absolutely awful for you :( My exh left in the summer and then I discovered a few weeks later that there was indeed an ow, though he denied it constantly. I avoid going into town when I know he'll be there and don't go out in the evenings unless it's a night when he has the DCs!

The anger you feel is completely normal and it's very hard not to be consumed by it. It really is sooo hard, but the thing you must remember is; it's not your DCs fault. Though you hate your ex, you really have to try hard to put your DCs needs first.

I completely understand how hard it is though, especially during those first few weeks/months. Even now, I can't bare to look at my exh when he picks the DCs up or drops them off and I barely speak to him either. He can't understand why I won't talk to him. Twat.

IAmMine · 01/01/2014 21:49

Well done for trying to sort out contact...must have been hard to do.
Leave it up to him now, how pathetic he sounds, his new gf hasn't got anything worth having!!!
I do not speak to my ex ever!! Hes a nob. In fact the day I stopped speaking to him after a particularly bad epsiode of EA was the day he finally stopped controlling me and my DCs.
It will get easier, honestly.
Take care.

Spero · 01/01/2014 21:53

I don't think you can 'control' these feelings - they are totally understandable and totally horrible. But you can chose how you react to them. It is a horrible situation and I know now it may feel like it will never get any better. But it will. You have to have faith in that. It may not be a straightforward process but little by little you will feel better.

You are certainly better off without someone who behaves like that.

starlight1234 · 01/01/2014 23:00

I also would like to say well done for trying to sort out contact...Do you have a regular contact set up or do you need to arrange it with him...I would leave it in his hands to contact you to sort it out...You most Definitely been the bigger person.... I had a think with my Ex of been able to hold the high moral high ground...It stopped me saying stupid things arguing with him and giving him what he wanted an argument...

As for your feelings they are perfectly normal...Share them get them out one way or another exercise, mates,family or here ...I would not give him the satisfaction of seeing them..He clearly has no plans to see anything from your point of view...

pod3030 · 01/01/2014 23:01

Oh you poor thing, that is awful, it must be such a shock to the system and you are probably still in shock mode. I went no contact with my ex, it was the best thing i have ever done, i don't want to know anything about him. i just hand over on contact day as quickly as possible. You need space to heal from this selfish hurtful man. Be the kindest you can be to yourself.

NewBeginningsSnoopy · 03/01/2014 17:52

Try and focus on building a new life for you. Treat yourself. Do some nice things. Meet friends to talk about this and other friends to talk about something different. Go out. Pity them. They're not worth your anger. Live.

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