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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

Exh has kept new toys etc at his!

18 replies

Sasquatch75 · 27/12/2013 20:14

My boys are really upset that exh has kept some of the toys they got for Christmas at his girlfriend's place, along with new pyjamas and onesies. The pyjamas were from his parents, not him, and his mum had asked me what they needed... So now I'll have to go out and buy new pjs because exh wants them to use them round his once every 2 weeks?!! My 6 year old is really upset about it all, especially the onesies :(

Is this what I have to look forward to? Exh left 4 months ago so we're all still getting used to the new situation. His girlfriend is there all the time too, not that that's relevant but it upsets me (she was the ow).

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NatashaBee · 27/12/2013 20:17

This reply has been deleted

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Original poster

Sasquatch75 · 27/12/2013 20:22

I understand that, but as 'she' only lives in a 2 bed house (also has 2 kids), there's no room for ours to sleep over, so they have to pack bags anyway to sleep at his parents house an hour away!

As for the toys, there are toys at his parents house for them to play with. Maybe I'll suggest a swap with some of the toys they have here...

OP posts:

shoom · 27/12/2013 20:26

Did you tell your ex that the children want their stuff and that his mum bought things that you'd asked for and they need these pyjamas now at home?

KingRollo · 27/12/2013 20:34

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Monetbyhimself · 27/12/2013 20:40

Mine aren't allowed to bring a single thing home. Occasionally when he drops them off they are 'allowed' to bring a new toy to the door to show it to me but then he takes it away for a full 2 weeks before they can see it again. He also refuses to send their clothes back. He is a total dick.

NachoAddict · 27/12/2013 20:47

We keep all of dsd's stuff here, she gets plenty from her mum and their family at her mums house so why wouldn't we keep it here? That said tho she spends a lot of time here, several nights a week so gets good use of it all.

Have you told him they want the stuff to bring home?

Monetbyhimself · 27/12/2013 21:36

My kids have a houseful of toys and clothes here That's not the point. The point is that normal parents would allow children to take whatever toys they wanted home. But unfortunately some people get do bloody obsessed by possessions and not letting the other parent 'get' stuff that they forget about the poor kids caught in the middle.

SomePeopleNeedHelp · 27/12/2013 21:50

My ex does this. Ds only spends a few hours with them a week. I think it is actually for ex's benefit, not just that he is a big kid but that he feels like he lives with him as he has his stuff there.

I have let ds take things to his dad's or give him a picture/craft thing we have made if he wanted to.

I give him any clothes back if he's had an accident or something, as he has horrible different taste to me.

NewBeginningsSnoopy · 27/12/2013 22:29

My ex has kept pyjamas and they don't sleep there at all. Get your head around that one! ;-)

lookingforwardtonewyear · 27/12/2013 22:36

My husbands ex wife used to "accidentally" destroy anything we bought.

NachoAddict · 27/12/2013 22:38

Sorry monet I didn't mean that to sound offensive, just meant it makes sense to me for dsd to leave her stuff here rather than double up at home. She can move between homes without bringing/taking anything with no notice.

If she wanted to take something with her it wouldn't be a problem but her mum doesn't let her bring toys here. Probably incase she shares them with my children.

YoureBeingASillyBilly · 27/12/2013 22:46

My ex has done this aswell this year. Boys are 4 and 8 and not allowed to bring anything from their dads. They were even told to return a pair of socks that ds2 was wearing because exp's girlfriend bought them and she wanted them back. Not sure why- they would never fit her. Dcs only go once a fortnight so hardly going to get much playing with their toys.

mintberry · 27/12/2013 22:46

The worst thing about that kind of arrangement is that it sucks you in to playing his nasty game and protecting their things, because otherwise all of your DC's stuff would migrate to his place over time. I would contact him and see if he will give you any of it, or maybe if he won't listen ask his mum to have a word with him? It sounds like you are on reasonable terms with her.

The only thing that we do tactically with DSS is sending him back in the clothes he came in, but that is because his mum dresses him in fancy labelled clothes so it would seem rude to send him back decked out in Primark's finest!

Original poster

Sasquatch75 · 27/12/2013 23:02

Yes, I texted exh this evening asking why and he said 'you didn't expect them to take everything back with them did you?' Well, I didn't expect anything, but that's not the point. The point is our children are upset! He said he'll talk to them over the weekend.

OP posts:

starlight1234 · 27/12/2013 23:10

My Ex and Ex MIL did this to my son..best was they only saw him for for 2 hours a fortnight when they could be bothered to turn up...I told them not to buy anything if he couldn't have it as I had to deal with a distressed child all afternoon.

Original poster

Sasquatch75 · 28/12/2013 10:46

Update: he brought the pyjamas and onesies over this morning

OP posts:

Monetbyhimself · 29/12/2013 10:16

That's great. Hopefully things will settle into an easier routine for you now without any territorial claims on the onesies!

onedev · 29/12/2013 17:31

Yay - that's progress Op. Hope things can carry on in the same vein.

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