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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

So I only get to see MY child for four days a month.

14 replies

Lonecatwithkitten · 22/12/2013 20:04

This is what ExH said on the phone to me tonight. I said I would discuss it in mediation or court which ever he preferred, but not on the telephone.
What does he expected if he gets arrested for drink driving with DC in the car?
My proposal is dropping from 50:50 to EOW on the basis that I had expressed concern about him drinking and driving with her in the car amongst other things. He had denied that it happened.

OP posts:

fuzzywuzzy · 22/12/2013 20:07

If he got arrested for it, Iwould ensure my solicitor had the papers showing that he had been driving whilst over the limit with your chidlren in the car.

I don't blame you for changing contact arrangements under those circumstances.

Monetbyhimself · 22/12/2013 20:15

Poor diddums. I think you'd be totally justified in insisting on supervised contact only at present.

RandomMess · 22/12/2013 20:18

Do you think the court will support the change in contact? Have you spoken with Cafcass?

I just thought that contact was about what was best for the dc even if he's a shit person?

lilyaldrin · 22/12/2013 20:21

Not sure that dying in a car crash is going to be in the DC's best interests.

Original poster

Lonecatwithkitten · 22/12/2013 20:23

Yes the court would almost certainly support the change. This is just the tip of a very big iceberg and the straw that broke the camels back. DC has been very unhappy when at contact with him and I have tried to raise these concerns with him to no joy.
I did have legal advice before I started down this road.

OP posts:

RandomMess · 22/12/2013 20:26

If it were just the drink driving then the court may support him not taking them in the car anymore rather than changing residency agreements.

However as it's just the tip of the iceberg than yep it's his tough shit isn't it.

Remember how many parents with care do drink/drugs and drive with their dc in the car, are intoxicated whilst in charge, make their dc live in low level neglect and never have social service intervention - that was the point I was originally making.

cestlavielife · 22/12/2013 23:01

Not sure how cutting contact will stop drink driving .....if he going to continue to drink drive then he will do it eow so it makes no difference. Just less days to do harm... But still the potential.

If he been banned from driving then he win't be able to drink and drive with them anyway.

To a court it might not make much sense . How does restricting the contact make that contact safer ? if it is unsafe then only making it supervised will make it safer ...not cutting it. He will still be able to do harm on those few days. Either he is safe to have them or he isn't.

cestlavielife · 22/12/2013 23:07

If he has been arrested for drink driving he will most likely be banned from driving right ? So the drink driving bit is taken away.

But ifyou are still concerned about her safety when with him for other reasons then the answer is supervised contact.
Cutting the amount of time does not make it safer.

cestlavielife · 22/12/2013 23:10

www.gov.uk/drink-driving-penalties. If he isn't banned then you need maybe to get something in a court order specifying he is not to drive her....

Original poster

Lonecatwithkitten · 22/12/2013 23:18

The other issues are to do with supporting her and quality of time spent with her. Also complete lack of parenting in any shape or form.
Yes he almost certainly will be banned. The contact will be supervised as he has to move back in with his parents as he will lose his job if he is banned.
The aim of reducing contact is to enable her to be supported and more emotionally stable and hopefully for him to improve the quality of the contact to make her feel that he values her and that she is important to him.

OP posts:

cestlavielife · 22/12/2013 23:30

Unless he actually accepts there is any issue then I suspect little will change...

breatheslowly · 22/12/2013 23:46

While being banned might reduce the risk of drink driving, he may still be drunk and caring for her unless contact is supervised.

BlackDaisies · 23/12/2013 00:37

I would agree that along with reducing contact you need to build in that it will be properly supervised.

mathanxiety · 23/12/2013 00:43

Go for it. Ignore his whining. Drunk driving is bloody dangerous.

The other issues sound really bad too. From what you have said the DCs are not benefitting from the arrangement at all as things stand. Contact has to be in the interest of the children.

His sense that the DCs are personal property someone is taking from him speak volumes about the relationship he has with them.

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