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Original poster

ExP dropped off face of the earth - WWYD?

18 replies

raininginsuburbia · 20/12/2013 15:38

My ex has never been very reliable and usually goes for weeks of staying in touch and then weeks of dropping out of contact. This coincides with him hitting the bottle (he's an on-again, off-again alcoholic).

But this time it seems different. I don't know why but I just have this bad feeling. The last we heard anything from him was over a month ago. I've just tried calling his home and mobile phone numbers and they're both disconnected. That's never happened before. And usually there will be at least some clue that he's still around even if it's just a facebook post or something.

I've got half a mind to go round to his flat but I don't want to deal with him if all that's wrong is that he's just drunk again. And I have just got another CSA payment from his job-seekers so he must've signed on recently, mustn't he?

Then I think he might have finally managed to drink himself to death. But if he had, do I really want to know? I know that sounds awful but then I think is that what I want my DCs memory of this Christmas being? The year their dad died?

Someone please talk some sense to me Sad

OP posts:
CheckedPjs · 20/12/2013 16:06

If he's paid his CSA from his JSA then he's defiantly gone and signed on. It seems he's in his off-again period. I wouldn't even entertain the thought of him x

SomePeopleNeedHelp · 20/12/2013 16:08

Is there any frinds or family of his you could pass responsibility onto? Or non emergency police number?

Unfortunately if he is dead it isn't going to help them to know he was undiscovered for weeks while they were doing xmas (sorry, horrible thought).

starlight1234 · 20/12/2013 23:01

CSA payments are passed on once paid so yes he has been signing on...Just a question though are you sure he is on JSA as if he is on income support or ESA he probably doesn't need to sign on.

YourHandInMyHand · 21/12/2013 08:44

I would just assume he has fallen off the wagon. His phone has probably been cut off as he's spent the bill money on booze. The first thing I'd do is stop worrying about him.

Your poor dcs having him go awol over Christmas. Sad My dad is an alcoholic (amongst other things) and I have no contact with him as an adult. Are your dcs old enough to notice him coming and going all the time?

Original poster
raininginsuburbia · 21/12/2013 13:58

The only members of his family I'm still in touch with are away on holiday at the moment and he's alienated all the mutual friends we had. I don't know anyone who's still in touch with him. I'm sure he's probably got a load of drinking buddies at his local but I don't know who they are.

I'm not 100% positive it's JSA he's on but I can't imagine he qualifies for anything else. Can you get ESA for being drunk?

I know I should stop worrying about him and usually I can but this time it's really getting to me. It might just be because it's so close to Christmas and his phones being cut off but it seems different. Unfortunately for my DCs they are old enough to know what he's like and it's not the first time he's disappeared over Christmas. I'll have to try to remember that.

OP posts:
tribpot · 21/12/2013 14:11

I don't think you want to know what's happened to him, not just before Christmas. I doubt his phones would have been disconnected this quickly for non-payment, although possibly if he was in arrears before he last called you?

If you want to know that you did something, you could call the non-emergency police number as SomePeople suggests. What do his family members return?

justtoomessy · 21/12/2013 20:49

You can claim sickness benefits for being an alcoholic so it could be that.

I'd have to find out or I'd be worrying and thinking about it.

starlight1234 · 21/12/2013 21:33

I think I would report it to the non urgent police....I think if something has happened and you left it till after Christmas you would feel really bad..particulary as it feels wrong to you.

meeeemo · 21/12/2013 21:49

hope he is ok for your dcs sake

cestlavielife · 21/12/2013 22:53

Bad news travels fast if he was dead you would know. if police were looking for relatives of unknown man found dead there wld be something on his documents to identify you ?

He is not your responsibility and this is true to form.

So either call police and ask them to check or his gp
Or send someone else round to his flat.

or just put it out of your mind.

octopusinasantasack · 22/12/2013 16:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

honey86 · 22/12/2013 18:55

getit checked if not just for peace of mind. i had that horrible feeling that something was up on thenight my dc's dad suddenly died x

honey86 · 22/12/2013 18:56

not trying to scare u btw Thanks x

EmilyD2012 · 23/12/2013 16:27

Agree with others who have suggested the non-emergency police line, it can't do any harm.

Personally I wouldn't be able to enjoy Christmas with this sort of worry hanging over me so it might be worth it so your mind is at ease.

I'm sure it's nothing too horrible but feelings in your gut are hard to ignore.

Good luck and have a nice Christmas, free from worry x

soaccidentprone · 23/12/2013 16:31

Well I'd rather know than not know.

I'd call 101

Original poster
raininginsuburbia · 23/12/2013 18:28

I got a message from him earlier. He's in hospital. He hasn't told me any more than that. At least I know he's not dead in his flat.

Thanks everyone for your support. I'm now going to try to put him out of my mind and enjoy Christmas with my DCs.

OP posts:
tribpot · 23/12/2013 19:01

Well, good to know he's still alive. Enjoy your Christmas.

starlight1234 · 23/12/2013 22:47

Glad you have found out he is alive at least... Yes put him out of your mind and enjoy christmas

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