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Lone parents

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Original poster

Daddy is my best friend and NOT YOU

16 replies

glitteriseverywhere · 18/12/2013 19:34

Do they all say things like this? How do you respond?
I feel so sad. Am I being pathetic?

First post (be gentle)

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Minime85 · 18/12/2013 19:44

hi. I've def had the blame for daddy not being here and its so hard to say its no ones fault when I want to scream it was him not me.

I think kids say things like that to those they know they can trust and is their security. but it doesn't mean dc doesn't love u just as much but they have different relationships with mum and dad.

catcatcat · 18/12/2013 20:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

paneer · 18/12/2013 20:22

I feel sad when DD presses those buttons sometimes.

Please try not to get drawn into it, and you know really they totally adore you and feel so secure with you they know they can get away it.

Don't forget children who have parents living in the same household get the same comments. It's just much harder (esp if you are still hurting) to hear sometimes.

THEY LOVE YOU Grin

Original poster
glitteriseverywhere · 18/12/2013 21:28

Thanks for taking the time to respond. It really is good to hear other PoV.

Yes, he lives with me and contact with his dad is ad hoc.

I am really dwelling on it now that he is asleep but as we actually had a nice day together (after dad left) it can't mean that much can it?

OP posts:
Emilycreaven999 · 18/12/2013 21:36

How old is he?

NigelMolesworth · 18/12/2013 21:41

I'm not a LP but my response to my DDs saying as small kids 'I hate/don't like you/love Daddy more' was always to say 'that's a shame because I love you very much' and try not to get emotional (even thought it really hurt). I found it avoided the argument escalating and reassured them. Could you say something similar?

purpleroses · 18/12/2013 21:43

I'd read it as "daddy is my fun treat parent, whereas I take you for granted as you're always around" Grin

But yes ,both of mine have been through phases of saying dad is their preferred parent, or that I am. I discourage either really and just say, that that's fine how they feel but we both love them. Or say "but you're my very favourite boy/girl" (I have one of each luckily) Have found it tends to be a phase. Even if daddy is his best friend, you're still his mummy :)

MummyBeerestCupOfCheerest · 18/12/2013 21:52

Not a lp, but my mum was and I'm ashamed to say I used to say this to her all the time. Just to piss her off.

From ages 7-13.

I feel bad about it now. I've since apologized; it must have been such a shitty feeling as a parent.

cestlavielife · 18/12/2013 22:56

"that.s ok. I am your mummy and always will be. Good night xxx"

it isn't a competition..don't rise to it.

BlackeyedShepherdswatchsheep · 18/12/2013 23:27

ah yes. "you're not coming to my party" is his favourite. to which I reply "good good, shan't have to do the food then." "well I'll get daddy to do it then"

when he falls over or daddy does not give him his drink in the right cup... guess who he comes running to? (daddy sees him here)

ItsOkayItsJustMyBreath · 19/12/2013 08:43

Oh yes glitter, I am definitely bottom of the list when it comes to DS's friends but that's okay, I tell him I am his mummy not his friend and I will always love him. I regularly get bouts of 'I want to live with daddy.' but that's because XP is the fun parent and I can't say I blame him.

It does hurt but don't let it show, just hug him extra tight and keep on doing what you're doing as he obviously feels secure with you.

JustAnotherChristmasBauble · 19/12/2013 08:49

I had a very bad case of "hero worship syndrome" with my dad.

I always found it difficult transitioning between being with mum and dad (our contact was also very ad hoc with nothing planned more than a week in advance with no overnight stays). I think I felt loyalty to the parent I was with at the time so it took time to adjust when going home.

Don't take it personally. Your DC May just be feeling a bit confused but of course he knows his mum loves him. Otherwise he wouldn't lash out

Alanna1 · 19/12/2013 09:10

I'm not a lone parent but my DD invariably says she wants the other parent at bedtime "I don't want Mummy to put me to bed, ONLY DADDY" ( or whichever one isn't there). I wouldn't read too much into it. Good luck.

Original poster
glitteriseverywhere · 19/12/2013 09:33

He is three.

just another it was just after daddy left and our situation sounds very similar.

Thanks for all the advice and new perspectives on it. I think i will just reassure him i love him and move on to a new subject next time. (hoping there is no next time!)

OP posts:
ShoeWhore · 19/12/2013 09:41

I'm not a lone parent but my youngest used to say this all the time. "Mummy I love you" "Oh thank you darling, I love you too" "But I love Daddy more"

Reading this has just made me realise he's stopped doing it recently. Agree totally with all the posters who suggested calm replies and trying not to react - I probably did react too much (and dh told him it made me feel sad) and I think that made it much worse! He thought it was funny Shock

Your lo is only three and perhaps is just starting to understand about friendships and that he can make choices about who he plays with etc. You're right that this doesn't really mean anything - he is perhaps just testing out this new found knowledge in a safe environment.

cestlavielife · 19/12/2013 11:39

at three he is just testing the waters, trying out phrases, seeing what reactions he gets.

if he comes home from nursery and says "jilly is my girlfriend" or "i will marry jemima" or "i want to be a fireman" you will treat it as it is - a three year old turn of phrase.

acknowledge, say thats nice dear and move on

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