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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

Feeling very alone

12 replies

Lonecatwithkitten · 17/12/2013 08:56

Split from ExH 18 months ago and we have had 50:50 arrangement till now. I have raised several concerns namely him not spending enough time alone with DD (very first time DD stayed at new home OW and her DD were there), him driving DD when under influence of alcohol and various other things.

He has done no actual parenting in this time I organise all school stuff (he's not given them his contact details), he's pulled out of senior school visits and hospital appointments.
So everything came to a head a week ago when he was arrested for drink driving and DD was in the car!
Solicitor advised reduce contact to EOW as a result of this. He is now doing poor little me I way lose job have no money you are horrible evil person taking DD away from me when I have lost everything else.
My feelings you pissed everything away with OW (who is alcoholic) and you have been destroying your relationship with DD anyway ( she cries and says she doesn't want to go).

OP posts:

Maoamstripes · 17/12/2013 09:32

oh dear :-( how horrible. I cannot believe your dd was in the car, hopefully this will give him the wake up call he needs. I agree with solicitor, he needs to sort himself out. You must be furious.. I am so pleased your daughter is ok and safe. Ignore the poor me act and look after yourself. Minimise contact with him so he can put the poor me act on someone else.

cestlavielife · 17/12/2013 09:37

gosh ignore ignore - he chose to drink and drive; he could have killed DD/someone else; it's tough but he ahs only himself to blame..

how old is dd?

if she doesnt want to got hen let her take a break.

it must have been frightening having him stopped and arrested in front of her .

HedgehogsRevenge · 17/12/2013 09:46

If he is willing to risk his child's life on a regular basis, which he has done, then i'm afraid it would be supervised contact only from now on. I know families that have been destroyed by drink drivers, they are the scum of the earth imo. Depending on your dd's age, her opinion would be taken into account with regards to contact, if she doesn't want to go i certainly wouldn't make her under the circumstances.

kinkychristmas · 17/12/2013 11:08

EOW would be extremely generous giving the circumstances.

Don't let him grind you down, you are doing the right thing.

kinkychristmas · 17/12/2013 11:08

given, not giving!

Original poster

Lonecatwithkitten · 17/12/2013 15:45

DD is 9 years old, there is a whole other back story making her not want to go.
The difficulty is he just doesn't see how wrong what he has done is. He is doing the lets meet so we can thrash this out - code for I can bully you into backing down. I have replied I will only meet in mediation something he will never agree to as he will have to pay,

OP posts:

cestlavielife · 17/12/2013 15:49

he wont see anything wrong.
this is someone who will drink and drive.

if no court order then dont force dd to go.
let her have a break./
at nine she is old enough to express her fears thoguhts wishes.

Minime85 · 17/12/2013 21:33

lonecat stick to your guns with this. never can anyone justify this kind of behaviour. must be incredibly difficult.

Original poster

Lonecatwithkitten · 19/12/2013 08:59

Well he still can not see that putting a child in a car and driving them when you are over the limit is wrong and has gone all quiet now that I have suggested mediation.

OP posts:

glitteriseverywhere · 19/12/2013 10:03

Listen to what your daughter is saying to you. It would have been a frightening situation for her so of course she wants to stay with you. If solicitor advises reducing contact then take that advice. Tbh I agree with kinky and eow sounds generous.

Stay strong x

sandiy · 19/12/2013 21:07

It does not matter what he thinks.Thechilds best interests are what matters in the eyes of the law.I would love to see him bleat to a family law court how unfair it is that he risked his child's life.
This man is unable to prioritise his child's needs above his own that equals crappy parent.Seriously ignore him and tell him to go to cab if he can't afford a solicitor.I bet even those dads rights groups would nt touch him.

FreeAtLastAtLongLast · 19/12/2013 21:11

You'll not get him to understand, because then he'd have to face up to his problematic drinking. It sounds as if he is an alcoholic too.

Follow the good advice you've had and be the carer your DD needs: a primary carer who makes the decisions that keep her safe.

Maybe you could contact Al-Anon, as it sounds as if you may have been conditioned to accept, minimalise and tiptoe around his drinking

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