Hi all,
I wondered what you thought of this proposed access arrangement for my 3 year old and soon to be born newborn (intend to breastfeeding again).
I live 1.5 hours away from ex. Neither of us moved away, in fact I have moved an hour closer to ex.
He has his daughter with another woman every other weekend at the moment and as far as I know that's the plan going forward, so things need to fit in around her too.
Here's what I'm planning to propose:
- Every other weekend Friday 6pm til Sunday 6pm for 3 year old
- When newborn comes along the same as above but in addition, he will see both from 3pm until 6pm every Sunday away from my home but in the local area (park, museum, cafe etc)
- Once youngest is around 6 months and no longer exclusively breast fed, he takes both children Friday 6pm until Sunday 6pm alternate weekends.
I currently drive my 3 year old to him and back every Monday but can't see being able to do 3 hours driving in a day every single week, when heavily pregnant or with a newborn and sleepless nights. Once newborn is a little older, 3 year old will be in school and so not able to see his Dad on Mondays anyway.
It is also not good for me to spend time with him so I'd like to move to a more formalised plan going forward.
However, he's ultimately a selfish man and I think he will be unhappy as he won't have any free weekends (as will see his other daughter the alternate weekends) and he won't get to see me (he'd like to get back with me). I think he's got a bit too used to me delivering his son to him every week too!
So I would really appreciate your views on whether this seems like a fair suggestion for the kids, and him (although he is obviously a much lesser concern than the children!). The distance makes it hard to do shorter, more frequent contact sessions.
I just want to feel secure that what I'm proposing is a good plan for the children before I start on the path of arguing with him about it. :(