Currently I am very concerned about my 6 year old DS seeing his father.
We totally separated when he was 2 and DS usually goes over to see his father every other weekend (from friday night to monday morning).
There have been problems but because I work full time and my son's father does not work, he is able to pick DS up, drop him off late at school and even forget to pick him up - leaving me in a pickle over childcare and making last minute arrangements.
Because he is incredibly difficult/unreliable I let him have him all weekend, because when we had arranged for DS to stay with his Dad on a Friday night and then come to me (for expensive paid for swimming lessons on Saturdays and Kickboxing on Sunday) I would often be waiting around at a meeting place only to be disappointed and then not get DS back until Sunday evening so I could be the parent taking him to school on Monday.
Additionally I find it very upsetting that DS does not seem to get his pants or socks changed at his Dad's over the weekend or even brush his teeth. I know that the same pants and socks come back - the pants stinking of urine!
Most recently my DS has been expressing real concerns, actually coming back from his Dads many times in tears, absolutely up and down in strange mood swings, screaming that he never wants to see his Dad again, but when he remembers I am a lot more strict about computer games and TV he always retracts this and says later he would like to see his Dad. Obviously children are hugely forgiving but the things he tells me worry me greatly that he should not take DS home and he is not engaging with him there anyway. If he is not having quality time with his son, if his DS is annoying him then I feel it would be better that he should visit his son under my supervision! This time DS was absolutely serious about not seeing his father and I took this very seriously and it is really worrying that a young child should say that.
These are comments gathered from my son as his Dad obviously does not invite me over nor does he like it when I suggest he visits DS at my house on Saturdays/Sundays:
He has been shown scary horror films and is developing related phobias and he has been repeatedly shown inappropriate tv shows such as family guy.
He has a lack of monitoring at his father's house.
The Dad sleeps while caring for DS, DS says he jumps on Daddy while he sleeps and his Dad does not wake up.
His Dad has in the past turned up at the flat in a very odd state - possibly drunk? I have known him to be an alcoholic in the past. He has in the past text me that his GP is trialing him on different antidepressants.
His Dad takes him to school late in the mornings.
DS is left very unstructured and bored on weekends with Dad.
DS comes back saying he will kill himself, picking up knives and also getting into trouble at school.
The school is concerned about him constantly drawing knives and guns and zombies(when he is supposed to be doing school work).
Poor bedtime routine, no bedtime stories, leaving DS in front of a DVD and coming back and pressing play on the same DVD if DS is not asleep by 10 pm etc.
DS is always upset that his Daddy is very angry with him and tells him to play computer games so that DS will stop annoying him(his Dad).
I have real dreams and aspirations for my son and already DS hates school and is getting the wrong messages from his Dad, as well as having huge difficulties making friends.
I have expressed my concerns to his Dad, and I get told not to interfere, that DS's routine at my house is nothing to do with him, he is not interested when I try to get DS some consistency in his fortnightly routine. This last 7 weeks DS has not seen his Dad at DS's own request. Because DS himself had to speak to his Dad, I did allow this and probably made a mistake here, and his Dad held him to his word and picked DS up on Thursday. I was there and his Dad was ignoring me and whispering into DS's ear, even making jokes about how short I am. I did get rather annoyed with him and lost my temper as he just is not listening to anything I say about things that are important for DS's daily routine. He tells me I am 'over the top'.
However I did say that due to my concerns, and the schools and even DS's, his Dad should bring DS back on Saturday. He didn't, he can be extrememly unreliable not answering calls from the school, saying he hasn't received texts, not caring that I have arranged a childminder he picks DS up anyway. He told me I would be punished for keeping DS away from him! I am concerned about what to do now!
I have suggested "Mediation" to his Dad but he does not think he has to mediate with me, he likes telling me men are the winners and he can do what he likes. Of course the school are not in a position to support one parent over the other. Right now I would like some advice, if there is something I can do now to sort out what my rights are and what DS's rights are I would like to find out.
What do I do as he has refused to come to mediation? I have tried organising him to have DS over Saturday night and back to me on the Sunday but he doesn't bring him back. Is it reasonable to move away a little to the next town?