Might be separating from P permanently, but may be pregnant.

[ChocolateTeacups]

My world has just turned upside down. We have a 16 month old, and have been trying for DC2, am late on but got a BFN yesterday, will be testing again tomorrow.

P cheated with a woman he works with last July, I found out through one of our mutual friends who was on the work night out then checked his phone which confirmed with texts, though there were none previous to the night out and he assured me it was a one off.
Today I found condoms (unopened packet) in a boots bag in his work bag. We don't use them as I was on the pill then TTC, I confronted him, he eventually admitted to sleeping with the same woman once more when very drunk and that he had them 'just incase' he got too drunk at tomorrows Christmas work do but that nothing would have happened.

He has gone to stay at his brother's as I don't want to even see him at the moment, but I'm not sure there is any recovering from this, the fact he has basically pre planned to sleep with her is too much. He can't love me and continue to cheat while we are planning a baby.

But I'm terrified of being a single parent, but most of all if I'm pregnant. Has anyone brought up 2 DC so young while single, is it even manageable?
I've gone from being excited and hopeful to dreading being pregnant, and I feel awful on the possible baby if I am as it's not his/her fault.

Hi,

I found out I was pregnant with dc3 two weeks after splitting with my ex.

It was hard as I have health problems when pregnant and I was miles away from family and friends, as well as looking after my other 2 DCs at the same time. But you just do what you have to do. If you want to keep the baby then you kind of automatically find a way to cope. The maternal instinct kicks in and you just get on with it.

I know that's not really advice, more of a reassurance I suppose

Oh Chocolateteacups how I feel for you !!! Big Big hugs. Me and My DP have been together for seven years. When my DS was two I was told he had been sleeping with someone, but I couldn't quite believe it was someone I knew, a friend infact. Someone who had cried on my shoulder when her P had cheated! Anyway - as months went on it bacame he had slept with her regularly. And had also slept with other people. I kicked him out, we broke up several times, i was shocked and heartbroken and my world was a completely different place all of a sudden.

But I loved him, and i tired to put all of my feelings a side at one point to listen. I know everyone said he didn't deserve it and what he had done was cruel, it was. But I felt like i needed to know why. I lsitened to his reason, enjured his story, his feelings, and put myself in his shoes. It hasn't been easy, I have woken up on days in the past wondering what I have done. I have thrown it in his face. I have felt a mug. But over 2 years later - I can honestly say I am so proud of myself and proud of us for seroiusly sitting down and trying - sticking to eachother and it finally working. I am very happy and so is he and although I can't hand on heart say i totally trust him just yet - I do a hell of a lot more than i did 2 years ago and things just keep on getting better,

I know this may not be the case for you. But I would expect many responses will tell you to leave and you deserve better, and they are not wrong. But sometimes you can get the better you deserve from the person you want it from in time, not an easy ride but may work out to be worth the shot.

I knew I'd be utterly unhappy and heartbroken without him anyway so i thought why not be sad whilst trying to work through it.

It must also be so difficult and confusing when you have been trying for another DC. I really feel for you and I am wishing you the best of luck and almighty strength whatever you decide to. I don't ever think theres right or wrong advice in these situations, only you truly know how you feel and the ins and outs of your relationship

x

My circs are not the same as yours so I can't advise.

But I just wanted to say no, it isn't your dc's fault at all. It also isn't your fault you are finding yourself in this situation. It IS their dad's 100% wholly and utterly. He bought condoms just in case he got so drunk he shags someone! Oh my lord what a horrible specimen. This is not your fault, you trusted him, you forgave him, he betrayed your family.

There are lots of MNers who will be able to support you and give you great advice, you are in the right place.

Once you know if you are pregnant you can get your head around that, just concentrate on you and dc1 for now.

You will get by whichever option you choose.
If you do end up having another DC, remember DC1 will be 2 by then, they change so quickly so he won't be as dependant on you and may even be helpful at times, plus babies are easily occupied by older siblings.

Are you going to speak to P/ex soon or do you need some time to think?

Chocolate

I was in your exact situation 4 years ago. H had left me completely of the blue a week earlier ( dd was 2y3m) when I found out I was pregnant. I went through 2/3 weeks of sheer terror and doubting if I could do it. Went to the doctors to see what my options were for a termination as I was in such shock about H leaving I could barely function anyway let alone contemplate having another baby. She told me to go away and think about things for a couple of weeks before deciding anything. I thought that was pointless as I 'knew' my mind was made up.

I am so so thankful to that doctor whoever she was. In those 2 weeks my mind shifted and bring pregnant started to seem like something positive ..a glimmer of hope amongst the horrible situation I was in.

My Ds is now 3.5. I always think if him as being the thing that saved me from losing it completely at that time.

I didn't really have any family support whilst pregnant ..carried on as normal. It was fine..as others have said you just cope as you have to.

When DS was born my mum moved in for 8 weeks.. That was the hardest part and if you can have that support then that would be great.

My mum still pops down for a couple of days every couple of weeks . It's mainly house stuff to help me out.

You'll be fine..I don't regret a second of it and as a three you're a tight little unit. I love the relationship we have .

It's scary but be strong . You'll be fine.