DS repeating XP. I NEED a rant.

[ItsOkayItsJustMyBreath]

I am so incredibly fed up with DS (2.10) mimicking XP's behaviour and repeating phrases that can only have come from him and yet he paints a completely different story when I ask him about it.

For example, the past two nights DS has woken up and shouted at me to "Get in here (his bedroom) NOW" and that "this is my last chance!". The whole way he shouts it is exactly how XP used to talk to me and I hate the idea that DS thinks this behaviour is okay.

I have spoken to DS about how shouting isn't necessary, I don't shout at him (I would if he were in danger or did something atrocious but he's only 2) and that it makes me sad.

DS has also started saying odd things that I think must have come from his father. Eg, I bought him some new pjs and DS told me I was a "naughty mummy" because daddy wanted to buy them for him

I regularly get told that he wants to live with his dad and I can't blame him; there doesn't seem to be any discipline, bedtime routine or decent food when he's with him. He lives on fast food and fun the two days a week they spend together.

Sorry, I know this isn't awful neglect or anything, it's just getting me down that whatever I do is undone by the time he returns home. I guess it's all part of being a single parent

You're doing the write thing sitting him down and telling him this behaviour is not okay. I'd defiantly keep with the whole "I'm sorry DS I won't be coming to your room until you ask me nicely" and reiterating it's not okay to shout at people especially his mum.

Hope it gets better!

I think I might be a little more assertive than "this makes me sad."
If he yells "Get in here NOW," you absolutely do NOT respond, and in your own time tell him that he will NOT speak to Mummy in that way.

Also, call him out every time he speaks in such a way. "Naughty Mummy?" Er, no, you do NOT say that to me.

It is NOT part of being a single parent. It's more to do with you asserting your authority as a parent and not allowing your ex's vile influence to seep into your home.

I have been doing my best to ignore it and wait until he is calm to explain things to him but I live in a terraced flat and I worry about the neighbours being woken up!

It's so difficult to know what to say to him as he is repeating what his dad has said and so, I guess, he doesn't know it is wrong (he should do now though). I have asked him how he feels when his dad shouts at him and he doesn't like it and I've said that it makes me sad too but I think you're right, I need to be a bit more forceful with him. It's hard because I feel as if I'm punishing him for the sins of his father iyswim.

After a couple of days with me he is a pleasure to be with but then he goes to see his dad and comes back with the same aggression and we start all over again.

You're not 'punishing' him, just teaching him how to behave. It needs to be done now, otherwise you're in for years of grief with it all.

I had a few issues with my eldest DD and her shouting at me and I always responded with 'I wouldn't speak to you like that and you are not going to speak to me like that' and then I would walk away until she calmed down. When she was calm we would talk about how she could say what she wanted to more politely and then I'd deal with whatever her problem was once she'd asked politely.

Personally I always stay away from telling my kids that something they have done has made me sad or angry or caused any other negative emotion because they were always responsible for how their dad felt (he was never responsible for himself!) and I don't think kids feeling guilty about upsetting their parents is ever helpful.

Good luck.

Right, thank you for the advice. I feel a new day will dawn tomorrow (or at about 2:30am), yet again I have allowed XP to infiltrate my life and I'm going to stop it.

I really needed to get this out as it's been getting me down.

I'm currently dealing with a few small issues with ds who is a very similar age, especially after contact. I am not saying its due to anything his dad does or doesn't do, it may just be different rules and adjusting to them but its tough.

You have my sympathy, ds had a meltdown of epic proportions last night because I wouldn't give him a biscuit. I ignored him as much as I could until her calmed down and then spoke to him calmly but quite firmly.

I think I even said "you aren't in charge, mummy is"

He's been fabulous today, really lovely and I've heaped praise on him and we've had a giggle.

It's not nice knowing being seperated from ex and ds having different boundaries and expectations is making him behave this way, I know how you feel. Stay calm and as positive as possible and it will hopefully lessen I bloody hope so anyway

Oh yes circle, "I'm the grown up." is one of my mantras!

DS always comes home munching on a gingernut biscuit with chocolate smeared all over his face after a breakfast of cocoa pops and chocolate spread on toast, no wonder he doesn't 'get' that I won't give him biscuits whenever he wants one

He is only little.
Stay calm and tell him immediately calmly we don't say that
Give lots of praise for good behaviour anything he does that s good even nice sitting nice eating well done brushing your teeth etc etc.

My favourite mantra is 'because I am the Mummy and I say so'.
I think no matter what age they struggle with the differences DD is older, but still struggles I am calm and consistent no accepting any rude behaviour.