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Original poster

So upset for DD

5 replies

cls77 · 02/12/2013 15:35

DD's Granny (Ex's side) was absolutely vile to DD last night. DD text to ask when she could see her again, as its been weeks,and was told If DD isnt seeing her DF at the moment, then she didnt want to see her. DD and DF are currently not really communicating (DD is 11) as he has hurt her so much this last year, since he left, that she doesnt want to talk or see him at the moment. She has said that she needs some time. He only used to see her for 3 hrs once a month and then its to take her to his new GF and her two DC's home He then leaves DD with GF's kids and goes upstairs with GF leaving DD to play? The other DC are 7 and 9, so DD is an ideal babysitter me thinks Angry
I am constantly telling DD to make contact with DF family and him, and that they can work through things, but DD doesnt want to and I have to respect that, I honestly didnt think Granny would treat DD like this though? Its broken her heart Sad What do I say to DD?

Any advice on how to ignore the "Your mother is poisoning you to not see your father" comments too would be greatly received.

OP posts:
chitofftheshovel · 02/12/2013 21:12

Horrid situation.

I think you need to now divert DD away from the other side of the family in a subtle way, not encourage her to contact them, as sad as that is. I don't mean bad mouthing them but introduce new hobbies or extra-curricular activities to take her mind off them.

Be open and honest with DD, but shelter her from the pain. Somehow!

Sorry if not much help, you sound like you are doing everything you can to keep relations open with the in law side as much as you can for your daughters sake (which is totally admirable) and it is they who are letting DD down.

Kids (I was one, and am seeing it from a parents view) eventually recognise the pitfalls of their parents' behavior.

Good luck, she sounds like a good kid.

chitofftheshovel · 02/12/2013 21:13

To be clear: I was a kid from a broken home, and now a parent from a broken home so can see it both ways.

Original poster
cls77 · 03/12/2013 13:26

Thanks chit really helpful x

OP posts:
nurseneedshelp · 03/12/2013 13:36

I'm in a similar situation and definitely agree with chit, don't encourage contact with any of them.

It sounds more harmful than good.

Protect her from all the complicated adult stuff.

She's old enough to decide she doesn't want to see her DF and sounds like it's for the best at the moment.

starlight1234 · 03/12/2013 13:56

I know my Ex MIL would always take her sons child...have to say hurt me when it was over her grandson... I will explain this to my son one day but he doesn't care at mo...maybe something like that may help ..but I think maybe encouraging her may be the wrong thing...Maybe at 11 I will support you whatever you decide may be the way forward and if you change your mind that is ok too.

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