Really hoping for some suggestions here in how to deal with my 12 year old daughter. I seperated from her father 2 years ago; she is in yr 8 at school and has an 8 yr old brother. She's very bright, prone to anxiety, and not quite hitting those teen years yet, still a lot of the "little girl" in her but also maturing quickly. My ex and I have an amicable relationship although he is less proactive and has never discussed our split with them, he doesn't know how to discuss emotional issues therefore avoids. My daughter even before we split up would get upset if i went out for an evening - which must have been once every 2 months or so! She never reacted this way with her father. Since we split up, and more so over the past 6 months, and acutely over the past few weeks, she has often got very upset if she learns i have been out on the evenings they are not with me (we have a 50/50 arrangment). Her perception is that I have "lots of fun" when they aren't with me, and "nothing" when they are. that i have "lots of time for other people" and she feels second best. In reality, my priority has always been them first and foremost and i have rarely changed any arrangements to suit my apparent "raging" social life! And we do lots of things together but also stay home sometimes too - it's important they live a real life with me and not some disney-fied version. So she sometimes calls me when she's with her dad and asks me to bring round her PE kit, or whatever it may be she has forgotten. If I am not prepared to drop everything and rush round, she gets very distressed and all the insecurities about her being "second best" come flooding out. I have tried to reassure her with facts which she knows to be true, but also that I am a grown up and when they are not staying with me, sometimes I do stay in but sometimes I do like to go out and see friends. She cannot accept why i want to do this nor the fact that sometimes I like to socialise. I'm almost 40 and feel it is the wrong role model to present of a woman who is some sort of martyr, I am their mother first and foremost but I am also a grown woman and when they aren't in my care, sometimes yes i should be going out and doing things - so last night was yet another tearful phone call of "why can't you come round now, why are you out on a week night....." more tears. Behind all this, my ex is not helping matters, he openly refers to me "gallavanting about" in front of them (because I went to a local theatre last week to see "chicago"......criminal!) and apparently heard daughter's tearful phone call to me last night but did not intervene; had it been the other way round I would have done so. He did not want to split up nor did he do anything to retrieve matters even though there were a few key issues only he could have resolved but did not act upon. So even now he sees it that I forced the split, whereas after lots of help from relate, it was a sad reality that our marriage was gone, we were together 16 years. As a result of that, he will not support me parenting our daughter through this difficult phase as he sees it as "well you've brought this on yourself, nothing to do with me". Sorry, this has turned into such a long post.....anyone any suggestions as to how to deal with this? I don't want to have to lie to her, nor I am going to live the life of a hermit when I don't have them with me, as I'm sure she'd prefer. Help!!