New lone parent here can I have your tips and advice so we can survive

[finallyLTB]

Thanks to mn and the nest of vipers it is I finally left my abusive h.
( thanks anyfucker and all those who helped me on the replationship threads )

I am living in a teeny terrace with 2 dc (9 and 11) and 2 big dogs. How do I survive ? I have sort of been a lone parent for ages as h does not like taking the children out so I have done stuff for a long time on my own with them.

Please can I have your top tips / advice as I am new to all of this.

I am pleased I have made the move and found the strength to leave but terrified of how it will affect the dc and what our new life will be like. I am due back at work 4 days a week soon. Help.

I lowered my housework standards as a starting point!

Internet shopping saves time and effort.

All mod-cons - dishwasher, tumble dryer - really help.

Having the children taken on responsibilities/chores helps. Depends on age but my youngest is now capable of stripping his bed when asked at 4 years old. He quite enjoys it!

Budget like your life depended on it! Try and create yourself some savings - I did this in the first instance by selling everything I didn't need on ebay and through local selling pages on Facebook. It was never very much but I put away £500 in this way which I always figured would pay for a new washing machine/TV/school trip if I needed it to at short notice. I also save £2 coins which helped boost my savings fund!

I then put all my house essentials on a contract with British Gas - so I pay through the nose each month but if I have problems with electrics/boiler/heating/plumbing/applicances, they send someone out to deal with it. I found the piece of mind this brings better than worrying about the cost (it isn't cheap) of the what ifs.....

Ditto car has a cheaper AA equivalent contract. I also have a local mechanic I trust - took a while to find him but asking around and a bit of trial and error helped with that.

All the children's clothes are bought in sales and I also use car boot sales/facebook selling pages for cheap clothes (have had some real bargains) and toys. School uniform can be bought the year round in Asda so I buy a bit with my shopping every week and put it away.

Ignore your ex! Keep him at arm's length. When things go wrong with him, do your best to work out what part you might have played in winding him up. If you can be honest with yourself (took me a while) you learn how to handle the difficult stuff so that it has a minimum negative impact on yourself.

Hope that helps!

Once a month go to the cinema and plan it with the kids in advance as a real treat , it must be regular then the kids will feel their new life with mum is exciting and not just an existstance. I hv two children completely on my own but things didnt get better until I decided to bring done nice stuff into our lives . Sat is town day and Sunday is lazy ( in between housework and making a big old roast , lovely x

First of all, take a deep breath and look at yourself you have made the biggest step and you survived. You are in for a roller coaster ride, however, it is your own personal roller coaster.
Take pride in every tiny achievement and hug your children lots.
Make a small window of time just for yourself each week, I joined a choir and it is slowly helping me find myself again though I' m not quite ready to go to the pub afterwards yet.

Thanks for the advice. H is being an arsehole so I am pleased I made the totally right decision.
We are planning nice treats. I hope when the dust has settled we will be much happier.

Hi op, congratulations!

Freezer meals for when your too sick to cook.

Be good to yourself, no fucker else will

Maintaining an amicable relationship with ex is great if possible. If not dont stress, WRITE EVERYTHING DOWN Do not feel obliged to let him in your house, it is perfectly acceptable to meet him at the park/cinema/whatever, tell him to collect from school etc.
if he is collecting from your house greet him on doorstep with children ready to go.

CSA, just do it.

Do not bitch about him in front of the children

Do not rise to goading, you must at all times imagine that you are justifying your actions to the grumpy teenagers your kids will become.

Go out, start a book club, learn a language, self defence what ever takes you fancy. You are going to need done time that is just for you

Well done

Agree with doing something that is just for you.

Don't feel guilty about treating yourself, it's a hard job being a single parent, you deserve every single one of those treats.

Buy tools. You will need them. Look on youtube on how to fix things before you replace it or buy a new one. - that in itself have saved me a massive fortune.

Keep bread and milk in the freezer at all times. Loo roll - stock up on that - everything else you can live without.