So run down and fed up. Police aren't doing anything to help. Can't stop crying.

[mumof289]

I was in a very volatile relationship for 18 months. I was controlled financially, sexually, emotionally, cheated on and when I was pregnant with my second baby to him I ended it. I had my youngest in January due to stress related/pregnancy issues and have birth at 29 weeks. Luckily baby is healthy but was in hospital for 2 months to get to where we are now. He was first violent to me in February which was infront of my eldest who is now 21 months. I was granted an emergency injunction through solicitor but rejected it that evening after he wormed his way round. Then he tried to kill himself twice. And was violent with me head butting me and shaking me while I had old of the youngest in a harness. That was the last time he saw the babies. I also had a miscarriage inbetween my babies. He was always on top of me. (Sorry for tmi) more fool me for allowing this to happen. I'm in love with babies more than anyone could know and I wouldn't change them for the world. I just want him out of there life.

I have been reporting him to the police since January 11 when he started making threats against my mum and dads house to remove my eldest when I was in hospital. Bearing in mind he didn't want to mind her when I first went in over pregnancy issues with my youngest.

After he was aggressive wjth me for the last time. With in a matter of 2 days health visitor referred us to social services, women's aid. SW has closed our file as she didn't have any problems with myself with regards to the babies safety as April was when I stopped contact and moved into my parents house as I a as scared to go home incase he ever came. We were also mentioned in the marac meeting (multi agency risk assessments conferences) as we were deemed high risk. Police arrested him over assaults but crown prosecution didn't charge him. Despite having photographic evidence. He denied everything.

I got a non mol order in July/august and had a review 2 months ago with an extension to family court proceedings over child contact. He last saw them in April.

Since then I have been on the phone to the police on a regular basis 2/3 times a week and I'm saying that by fact! He has breached the injunction by driving passed my house (he's not allowed near my house or the roads near it) or near me for that matter. Contacting me indirectly and the injunction specifically covers this. And all the other times I have rang the police but no action has been taken. He is worming his way out of everything.

2 weeks after the injunction was served my parents house along with my brothers house where bricked. They got CCTV fitted and it has happened again to my parents car and house and this week my brothers car has got acid thrown all over it. Not only is this financially draining pockets it's emotionally exhausting.
The police aren't taking any action. We have told them who it is on the CCTV and I firmly believe that he has this orchestrated. On all occasions it's the same lads, who are friends of his brother. Might I had his brother is in residential care due to bad behaviour that his parents can't control!! And the police know of him.

We had first court hearing 2/3 weeks ago. I declined interim contact (supervised) as judge was going off his application which says I have made false allegations and we requested evidence from the non mol order was reviewed before the judge but it wasn't passed on to the judge! However, the judge offered for him to do a perpetrators of domestic violence course and an aggression course for his temper. We have a hearing next month (waiting on the date) as to why I declined interim contact. The fact is my evidence wasn't reviewed, a short term fix for such a sensitive situation I don't feel is right for the babies. My family are not willing to negotiation with him or any member of his family due to there behaviour. I am also not willing to negotiate with him and believe the court process is the right path and the right channel for the best out come of the children. I don't want him around the children at all. they are
Not safe with them. I would be writing another novel explaining the reasons why but the above a just a tip of the ice burg.

Cafcass are involved and will be contacting me before the hearing so hopefully ill be able to have my say then. I know that they are prepping a full report. The first cafcass officer advised me to accept interim contact and at the time I said listen I'm not completely out ruling no contact but I don't think it is the right thing to do at this time. I'm not just throwing my kids at him cause he won't be able to cope and if I'm not there to calm them down cause no one else can then how is that resolved?

I'm so frustrated with the police. They have CCTV footage, we have given them names. I have been contact with them more than 20 times . My parents are my best friends and it's horrible to see what to see what he is putting them through because he can't get to me due to the injunction.

He has threatened to not return the children before, he did this in January.

What knocks me sick is that the police have agreed with me on many occasions that he is getting away with everything. The damage it is causing. It's so exhausting. I can't stop crying. I'm trying to be strong. And I feel like I am to blame for it all. The police are just letting things happen. It's like someone has to get hurt again before someone actually steps up and does something. I'm not one to get my hands dirty as I feel this is a matter of the authorities to deal with and I don't condone any sort of violence so I would never do it myself .. But god forbid we did retaliate even if it was just the once the police would come down on us so hard. I'm finding it hard to struggle with the emotions from my parents and the rest of the family. Broken windows. Car screen windows. Acid on cars. Aggression towards myself. Solicitor has said she can't do anything as it's a police matter when it comes down to charging him.

What's grinding me is that the judge highlighted that he had said to her that I am the perfect mother and that he wouldn't want anyone else looking after them. But then calling me all sorts specifically a c*nt the next day via social media. Since January I have kept screen shots of all the threatening abusive statuses he has made about myself and my family and reported them to
The police and nothing is been done about it. His
Mother puts
Photos up of my children on a daily basis with a lovely comment on them about me saying I am evil and sly. She also has her 11 year old daughter saying this.

Would you have your children around that.. No!

I'm so fed up and drained. My parents have gone down to the police station to speak with someone because of how much he is getting away with. I have never seen my dad cry before. Since this has gone on. It's become a regular thing now. Every night were just waiting for something to happen.
Another brick..
Another acid attack. My diary is full of incident numbers and no action taken next to it.

I don't know what to do. I'm at my witts end. I'm sick of crying. I'm sick of seeing my family upset over what he is doing. It's affecting us in so many ways it's unreal. All because I've tried to keep my babies safe from him.

????

So sad and down. I'm getting the help I need like the freedom programme, open mind. Crisis councilling. I don't have any concerns about my mental health or parenting as I've been doing it by myself even when we were together. I can't leave my children with him.

I'm crying writing this. I want to protect my kids and my family. But feel like this is out of my control. I'm in bits. I don't know what to do.

And I understand that the NRP has a right to have a relationship with the child so please don't give me that in response to this. I'm not completely out ruling contact. I hope he gives up for the safety and emotional welfare of my children. Thank god they're so young and thank god I have an amazing family that stag composed that they don't feel any stress or atmosphere and I try my hardest not to get upset infront of them. My children deserve the best and they get that from me and only me and I want it to continue that way for there own safety. I have enough love for the two of them to last a million life times and I will do what I can for them no matter what it takes.

no you are wrong. the NRP has no rights (neither do you) just responsibilities. its your dc who have the rights to a relationship with both parents.....so that's what will happen

supervised contact will be arranged.....if it goes well it will likely move on to unsupervised....see how it goes. obviously you wont meet face to face.

also,the police tried to put a case in front of CPS....it was refused. don't blame the police!!!

I know it's really hard.. I understand. I've been though they system for nearly 3 years in order to protect my kids. But I think you have to face up to the fact that the court probably will order supervised contact. Can you ask your solicitor to find out what center would be used for contact and get in touch with them yourself ? Arrange to visit and see what arrangements they have in place ?

Lawks alive sweetheart you really have been through some really tough times haven't you? I am in awe of your bravery and resilience but you do need to summon up some more for the times ahead.

There will be an end but do you have an RL support outside of your parents? Perhaps an outlet you could use to lean on?

Thinking of you
xxxx

I don't blame you at all..I wouldn't want this guy around my child....

Yes kids should ideally have a relationship with 2 parents..this guy sounds like he has no interest in your child it is simply a way to get to you...

I have no advise but hope this guy gets locked up soon

Thank you for your responses. It really means a lot. He isn't safe around them. I've never met anyone with a temper like his. So how will he cope with 2 babies?

I am in touch with women's aid on a daily basis. They attend court with me and listen to me.

And yes I know it's down to cps to charge. Am just at my witts end with all of it. Been silent for so long. I'm in tune with the legal side of things - sort of. I'm in regular contact with solicitor.

My emotions are running so high. My life is evolving round this and I just feel like a zombie .. My head is just else where. As soon asthe babies go to bed I break down. It's knocking me sick thinking of him been all fake around them in front of a professional at a contact centre. Just so that he has one over on me. Heads a mess with it all.

Thanks for reading my super long post ladies/guys xxx

Oh my when I read this post my heart sunk for you mumof289

I have some past experience of type of behaviours your ex has with you. God it is disgusting with all these changes in law(which wasnt around when my ex was attacking my home) I thought even stalking law now or breaking contact order? This is so sad to read and all I can say is I really feel and hurt for you and your family.

I dont know if my experiences will help but just knowing someone else been through it makes you seem sane again.

My ds saw the ex very infrequently as ex moved out of UK. Ex thankfully decided he did not want to see ds (he was taking me to court for paternity) and as soon as I applied for maintenance he stopped...thankfully! But when contact stopped with ds my house started to be attacked....first time the weekend before court for maintenace I had fake petrol bomb and front door kicked breaking the bottom panel. Police laughed it off saying it was kids...I saw male silloutte in door glass panel.

They were infrequent as ex lived away. However he got into a cycle of attacking every 3-6 weeks, so every tine he came over. I was terrified he was going to kill us and arson team sealled letterbox from inside with metal plate and he bent it as I slept. I always found it odd that I could go 11-12 nights with no sleep maybe 2 hours in daytime when I felt safe to sleep. After 12 night or so he would attack...it was as if he knew when I was asleep?

Victim support got me CCTV but MARC not done as it was my fault for drawing him onto me by applying for maintenance in first place. He would attack for other reasons too and in end no reason...The attacks were getting more daring and frequent occurrance. VS said this was a bad sign and we needed urgent protection.

My home became my prison in end. I now in position I can move.

I too had CCTV footage of ex driving up and down really slow past house middle of night staring right into CCTV as if he was looking right at me when I played them back! It was frightening. Police did not want to know saying it wasnt a crime...even though my street is dead end (not using road as short cut to get anywhere) and he did not know anyone in my area. his parents lived nearly 50 miles away and he not in UK!

I stopped looking at CCTV in end.

Things I did which might help your parents and bro was post picture of ex with description of height etc and said to call police if seen in area. This will help you to have ind wittnesses then....mind you I did and police well no laws out then! But their are laws now and you have your injunction too.

How is your ex contacting you indirectly? You need to get all texts/emails etc logged with solicitor and can you save them on email? Keep that diary going well done!

What broke me though and I am sorry to tell you this but I dont want your children to suffer too! My ds was non verbal as has ASD and could not tell me but his memory is amazing sadly and at 6 years old he told me fully what happened when he was 3 years old, the violent physcial abuse:(
DS had tried to tell me 3 times before that incl Monday he returned and sobbed uncontrollably for 2 hours at 3 yrs old.

Their were several quite violent abusive attacks on ds incl strangulation and hold knife to ds throat...SW decided I was making it up for revenge for not getting maint:( So police childrens section dropped the case! Ds disclosed it to teachers and SS told school not to discuss it with ds? Again they must have told school I was making it up! So ds last disclosure if knife to throat is first time I am really mentioning it....why? Well I am really really worried for your dc!

For my ex when he could no longer abuse ds he started attacking house.

I worry your ex will use your dc to hurt you too, because as a mum their is no bigger hurt than your baby being hurt, sadly I know.

The type of violent attacks your ex is displaying reminds me of the impulsivity of my ex...very dangerous psychopaths.

I could make other suggestions too but would not like to discuss on forum. If you PM me if you want some more ideas or support let me know...but want you to know you are not alone.

Please repost this whole thread on relationships. Many people their with excellant advice and I had RL support from their too. I dont know how I would have survived without the support from MN!

Did WA give you attack alarms and get arson team to seal letterbox? Not saying he would but if he started on acid...your family will need CCTV on car as I was worried my ex would cut brakes of my car.

Gosh this is still so hard for me years later! Although ex still parks outside my house infrequently (I hope as dont check CCTV) so still the threat is their but his attacks became more psychologically based when he could not attack my home.

Sorry to go on I just want you to know You are not alone.

Keep safe and hopefully the law will come good!
Again you will get more traffic on relationships about the law etc

One last thing with diary you may notice a particular time or day of attack. This may help you to preplan further evidence ie filming him attacking cars.

(((((MASSIVE HUGS)))))))

post picture of ex to neighbours

How are you feeling now OP ?

Hi OneBuddah.. I'm just a mess. I'm ok during the day. I'm so scared at night while I'm on my own with the babies. Moving back to mum and dads is out the question as I don't want to risk the babies been there if anymore damage is done.

Police are going out to see mum and dad as they have complained with the lack of help we've had off them. Nightmare.

Thanks for checking in on me. Xx