STBXH and I split up a few months ago. At the moment I'm living in our house with DD until it is sold and he is staying at a mate's.
At the moment, STBXH takes DD out on a Thursday night and all day Saturdays. This will probably be altered a bit once we've sold the house and STBXH has his own place. I'll still be resident parent
When we were together, STBXH would take DD out on a Saturday - and he might take her swimming, to the park, then to a friend's farm where she'd look at the animals and he'd chat with his friend.
Now the routine is he takes DD to her drama class (which I organised), then he takes her to the cinema, followed by lunch at Frankie and Bennie's, followed by this indoor mini-golf thing.
On Thursday nights he used to take her to her football class - but now that's been cancelled he seems to be about to get into a routine of taking her bowling every week.
Money has always been tight in our marriage - he has always talked about things as if we were going to be made destitute any second (though I was never sure how to take that because the next week he'd say "it's not that bad" (usually when he'd spent money on something he wanted).) Our financial situation is he works, though doesn't earn a high salary. I have ongoing mental health problems and am on ESA at the moment, though hope not to be in this state long-term - but even once I find work, I'm always going to be on a shoe-string as a single Mum because I've always done jobs with quite a small salary - and I need to think of what I can do that will fit in with DD's needs.
I've always done my best to budget throughout our marriage, and DD (being 7) is very "I want this, I want that" and I'm always having to tell her things are too expensive.
Right now the situation is that STBXH is paying the mortgage on our house until it is sold, but is living with a mate for free. The bills have been signed over to me. Once the house is sold, my benefits will stop and I will live on my share of the equity from the house until I can work. STBXH will have his job and his share of the equity. We will both rent somewhere and be responsible for costs in each place ourselves.
As far as I'm concerned, either going to the cinema (and I'm talking about latest films at the deluxe cinema - not the kids club mornings I'd do with her), going out for a meal, going to mini golf (at about £8 each a time), going bowling - are all things I'd see as treats - something I'd do once in a while with her - and then it would just be one of those things at a time - but her Dad is taking her to all of these things every week.
Now DD loves this, and I don't want to spoil her fun - I suppose I'm finding it hard when she says things to me like "I don't want to hurt your feelings Mum, but I think I prefer time with Dad to time with you because he can drive and he takes me to lots of expensive places"
How would you feel in a situation like that. I'm not sure if I'm being petty and mardy for no reason and just being a bit jealous that STBXH can do all of that for DD (and that now she doesn't seem to value the less expensive fun that we have together so much) - or whether it's teaching her confusing lessons about the value of money and money buying love
There is also the fact that I wonder if he's going to be able to financially sustain all of this once we've sold the house and how that will effect DD.
We have mediation on Friday. I am wondering whether to raise this at all or whether it is really none of my business and I should keep my gob shut. He can get quite nasty and defensive and doesn't react to criticism at all well, and at the moment we've managed a couple of weeks without him verbally lashing out at me, so I don't want to stir things up if it's not necessary.
Sorry - I've gone on a bit here - objective opinions welcomed. Thanks.