How often should dp see dd?

[whatshallwedo]

I know there is no right or wrong answer and it varies from family to family but....

Dp and I separated about 6 weeks ago and so far he has come round in the evenings after work to see (breastfed) 18mo dd.

He sees her until I put her to bed then he leaves. He also tends to take her out for most of a Sat or Sun and sees her on the other day at mine unless he has other plans.

He is now about to move into his own place (been staying with family) and has admitted that he can't have her at his after work as he won't be home in time to cook her tea. He also understands that due to the bf she can't stay overnight yet either.

However, he still wants to see her as much as possible but I am really beginning to resent him being here every evening and a large chunk of the weekend as it feels as though he is coming and going as he pleases and I am still hurting from our break up and I don't want to spend my time with him.

I understand that it is about dd and not me now and I would never stop her from seeing him but I wondered what would be a reasonable amount of time for him to see a bf 18mo and what type of arrangement would be suitable if anyone has any ideas please?

Honestly, I'm I a similarish position with my ex though we broke up more than a year ago. I have an 18 month old who is still breastfed. Ds has been staying at xps on the odd overnight for four or five months now, the longest was for four nights. And as much as I hated the idea, he was absolutely fine, as was I. I was dreading mastitis, or just being away from ds to be honest. But an 18 month old is quite different from a baby who feeds every several hours and I knew I had to allow some kind of overnight contact sooner or later. And it's been so much easier than I had thought it would be. Our arrangement is still developing as I moved quite far away after our breakup, but as it stands he sees him roughly every four weeks, for about 3 or 4 nights at a time. I certainly didn't expect to agree to such an arrangement with ds still feeding, but its been fine. Not to mention that really, I welcome the break as he's still such an awful sleeper . I think it's fine to say he can't keep coming to your house too. I found that very unsettling when we first broke up as I still couldn't quite believe it was actually happening. I think saying he can't see her due to his work and her still being bf show he's not really trying all that hard. Can he start work a little earlier and finish for a decent time on just one day a week?

I agree that he could attempt to arrange his working hours so that he could see her at least once at his (he is in a role that would make this possible). I want him to think of it for himself though because I feel as though it is always me asking when he is coming to see her, what he is doing at the weekend etc otherwise I'm sure he would just expect to be able to turn up with no thought to what I might have planned.

He has already said that he will be wanting to go out at the weekends so wouldn't be able to commit to coming over as early as he has been on a Sunday. It does make me feel as though he is cherry picking the times to suit his new lifestyle without any worry for the rest of the time.

If I say any of this to him he twists it and denies ever saying it or says he didn't mean it in that way.

I'm not comfortable with her being away overnight just yet and he has been ok with this.

If I ask him not to come here as I don't want to see him he will make out that I am trying to prevent him from seeing dd but I don't want to keep making all of the arrangements for him.