Have any single mums achieved sleep training?

[squinney]

My dd is 7 months old and I will be returning to work part-time in a month. At the moment she falls asleep on the breast, I then transfer her to the cot ( in my room) and she wakes every 2-3 hours for a feed. I know this is a sleep association and can't possibly be hungry every time. Have any other single mums successfully achieved any form of sleep training? I'm worried I won't be strong enough, or give in, or not be consistent . I can't bear hearing her cry, it physically hurts me, but I'm wondering if I NEED to be cruel to be kind?

I still haven't and dd is 3 and a half

Watching with interest

I thought sleep training was easier with it just being me. Felt very sorry for couples tiptoeing round trying to let the other sleep.

Tire them out in the day (mine came to work with me as I was childminder). Fed and bed and 6pm. Another BF before I went bed at 10pm and then would catch a few hours sleep before a grizzle at 3am. Would do a dozy feed in bed with me and often just had him in bed with me till 6am when we would be up and running. Obviously it is contentious to have babies in bed but I never had any issues with rolling on him as I had a large bed to myself. He just slept better with me.

He had this routine from the beginning and dropped the night feed at about 7 months. He refused the breast at about 6 months and the bottle kept him fuller. He was happy just coming into bed when he got upset really. By about 10/11 months he could do a whole night in a cot.

Think the main trick was keeping the routine (keeping them busy during the day with naps and quiet at night) Will be much easier when you work (she says!)

Hi Squinney

Yes I have . When DS was about 2.5 he kept repeatedly waking up or turning up in my bedroom at least 3/4 times every night. I work 4 days a week and was finding the situation more and more unbearable so I looked into a few different techniques..went round the houses until I found the one I found I could handle . It's rapid return that you are probably familiar with . I too can't handle the sound of the crying and this way you'll never have to hear it reach fever pitch and feel like crumbling. I knew I had to stick with it though so I steeled myself . Went to bed v early with the expectation of being woken up/a bad night's sleep. When it happened I'd go in, do the whole no eye contact , lie him back down and leave the room. I'd wait outside the room with a stopwatch and went in every 2 mins until it finally stopped. I sat outside the door with my IPad and browsed ASOS ..Knowing I had a plan and felt in control felt soooo much better than being at the end of my tether and feeling desperate as I had done before.

It did take about 5 consecutive nights of being up for about 2 or 3 hours but I just kept telling myself it would work and I had to stick with it. The idea of a good night's sleep spurred me on...and it worked !

It's a huge case of mind over matter and I was exhausted at work all week but I knew I couldn't carry on like it was. It's definitely much harder alone with no-one else there for moral support. My friends' DHs have been good at supporting my friends who have had to do it but its still very doable if you don't allow yourself to cave in.

You never have to hear them cry too much before you go in which is why I could handle it! Good luck .

i did this successfully too - but i had to really prepare myself first mentally to be in it for the long haul. and actually it ended up being not as bad as i thought! the evening times were horrendus and exhausting and i cried during it without letting her see, but i conquered that first not by letting her cry it out, but by just keeping on laying her back down. then when she got the hang of it (about a week and a half) i did the same thing during the night. and the nights i found were easier for her as she already knew what was coming. im back at square one now though (long story but she regressed through illness so i am thinking about doing it again at some stage) good luck

I did gradual retreat but not until aged 2. The secret to getting them to sleep through seems to be getting them to go to sleep awake by themselves in the evening. Once they can do that they can get themselves back to sleep when they wake in the night.
Not sure if 7 months is a bit young though, it's also a notoriously bad time for teething. I found it a lot easier when ds was verbal.
Getting him to go to sleep by himself involved lots of sitting by the cot, hand holding, shushing and repeating over and over 'it's sleepy time' then eventually moving further away until I was out the door. The last part only took a few nights.
Maybe try stopping the night feeds to start with and just give a quick cuddle instead or some water.

Not really, I still bf to sleep and usually have to go back twice before dd falls asleep and settles (she is 12 months).

I recently managed to break night time feeding (was doing it twice to three times a night) about 6 weeks ago. She still wakes once to twice a night but I now ignore her do controlled crying.

Last night she cried for nearly 2 hrs and I went in 3 times and patted and shushed. I don't have a problem leaving her to cry as I can tell the difference between an angry cry and a sick or hysterical cry. Dd just gets angry as I am not feeding her!!! I feel like we are getting there but it is a slog.

I spoke to HV at 10 months check up and they gave me a sheet with the cc methods they approve of and were very supportive. Why don't you speak to them?

As a lone parent I am sometimes so shattered I will take dd into bed with me but I do find I am almost back at square one with sleep training the following night. It is tough but I find the benefits to me to finally get some more sleep and the bed to myself makes it worth it.

She wakes up at 5 am and comes into bed with me then.

Thanks everyone, I'm asking because I had a midwife "sleep" consultant visit me. Her advice was to implement the CIO method. The main reason being I don't think my dd is getting enough sleep. Day naps are near impossible to transfer her from the breast/lap to the cot without her waking, so she only gets 45 minutes sleep for each nap. I can't seem to get her in the cot at night until 2am, if its before that time she wakes and grizzles and I have to nurse her back to sleep. Wierdly, if she wakes when I put her down at 2am she just turns her head and goes back to sleep. She also seems to be getting uncomfortable on my lap now she's bigger. She's waking every two hours on the dot for a feed. I just think she would be a happier baby if she had more uninterrupted sleep.
I'm just scared I'm going to give in whilst trying CIO, and all the crying will be for in vain.

I did three nights controlled crying when ds was 8.5 months. Before that he was waking up and staying awake from 1am to 5.30am every single night. I didn't let him cry for long but did all the settling back with no eye contact or speaking to him. I thought I was going to break but so glad I did it as there was no way I could have gone back to work (full time) with so little sleep each night.

Hi I did and I am a single parent!! Infact because I was on my own I think getting dds sleep sorted was a big priority as I need a lot of sleep!!

I went back to work when dd was 7months so around this age I got a bit stricter!!

If I were you I would have a bedtime routine, put your dd into her cot sleepy but not asleep, make sure she has a full tummy, have some soothing music on, have it dark as possible and leave your dd for 10mins (I always set a timer as 10mins isn't long but can feel like forever if she starts crying straight away!)
Distract yourself, do some jobs, go in after 10mins and reassure and then leave again and keep repeating this until she goes to sleep.

With my dd it took about an hour the first night but got progressively better to the point that by 10 months she would go down and not cry at all just fall asleep!!

At night I would also leave for 10mins to see if she will settle herself, then only offer water, check its not a wet nappy or something bothering her, keep lights dim, keep interaction to a minimum.

I followed Gina fords routine and found this useful (although know she isn't for everyone!)

Squinney I feel for you. My dd was/is the worst sleeper. For the first 7 weeks of her life she slept on top of me as she screamed everytime I put her into the moses basket. Then we had a magical few weeks where she slept 11pm-6am every night. I would keep her up with me until 11 to tire her out and then we both got some sleep. Then we have gone back to waking every two hours to feed, to waking every couple of hours and now...well now it goes up and down as I have mentioned above.

45 min sleeps in the day are not unsual. DD has never slept longer than an hour and 30-45 mins is normal for her in the day x 2. I despair as barely have time to settle down for a cuppa or do housework.

Part of the problem is dd is a very light sleeper and has been from birth. I still have to be like a ninja when I walk around her room at night.

I also took a lot of shortcuts for sheer survival in the first months of her life as I was on my own from birth. Things like letting her sleep on me, in my bed, letting her sleep on my boob and so on. I don't regret it as it kept me marginally saner than if I hadn't but I do realise I have made a rod for my own back.

Do gently start controlled crying, I was a bit back and forth at first but by 10.5 months I went all in and now I am getting a bit better sleep although we are still not there completely.

Good luck.