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Lone parents

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Original poster

Final hearing coming up!

17 replies

ProtectiveMother · 09/10/2013 07:16

Errrr... my final hearing is coming up in a couple of weeks! It's a children's order case re: my ex wanting the kids overnight. History of abuse (towards me and the kids.) Just changed solicitors and wondering if anyone has any tips for court (nervous!!!), tips for how to get the best out of my solicitor and any general advice (what to wear, Etc)

Please, if you're a Negative Norma who likes to release their anger on these threads, go away. Release it somewhere else.

Thanks!

OP posts:
starlight1234 · 09/10/2013 13:30

Never gone through court system but good luck

cestlavielife · 09/10/2013 15:35

how old are the chidlren and how often do they see him?

how is contact during day goin?

do you want to not have overnight?

Original poster
ProtectiveMother · 09/10/2013 19:04

Thanks Starlight

C'est la vie- he has them daytime weekend 10 hrs a week. Going not great. He says a lot of inappropriate stuff to them. What I hear is only tip of iceberg. Both feeling scared/anxious since unsupervised contact started in spring. Have docs records for one of my children. Don't want overnights. It's a scary thought tbh. He did have them overnights before. I witnessed severe neglect and heard tales of violence as well as a few bad accidents while in his care. He isn't accountable for this however and lies about it all. He's entirely untrustworthy but I'm scared as he has a responsible job so on paper looks responsible!

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Original poster
ProtectiveMother · 09/10/2013 19:05

They are 7 and 3

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HisLommel · 09/10/2013 19:14

I'd say be honest and stay focused on your DC. Are Cafcass involved?

Original poster
ProtectiveMother · 09/10/2013 22:27

No. I have also forgotten what CAFCASS are!?

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Original poster
ProtectiveMother · 09/10/2013 22:27

No. I have also forgotten what CAFCASS are!?

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cestlavielife · 10/10/2013 11:49

docs report might help.

you need to have reported the neglect and concerns though otherwise your views dont count for much .... however you could push to ask for cafcass reports to be done so both sides get chance to express concerns.

wear smart clothes like for an office.

HisLommel · 10/10/2013 15:13

Cafcass stay involved if there are allegations that affect the welfare of the children. Did they say they were no welfare issues? Or is this the first time you will be mentioning the abuse/neglect?

Original poster
ProtectiveMother · 11/10/2013 07:46

Thank you everyone so much for responding. I will ask my solicitor about Cafcass. My ex denied the abuse and it was all just seemingly forgotten about. I've noticed that they take what the men say more seriously than the women. Especially since he is in a position of authority in his workplace and I am just a 'single parent' student atm. Sexism is alive and well but that's for the feminist board...

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HisLommel · 11/10/2013 09:09

It's funny - if you read dad's boards they say the total opposite! I would imagine it goes on credible evidence which makes sense. We're on the other side - exW making false accusations. I understand it's frustrating for you but I guess it has to be based on evidence rather than he said/she said. Definitely check out why cafcass aren't involved though...

cestlavielife · 11/10/2013 11:18

in the absence of any evidence of harm or neglect then you might have to face fact that if he pushes for overnight and cafcass/court see no concerns you might have to go along - but, after any contact/overnight where dc distressed you go straight to GP, report it and act.

if the day time contact is happening weekly and nothing is being reported then it would be logical to move to overnights...it all depends what the involvement of GP has been and what the docs records are saying - what is school saying? has older child spoken to a teacher? expressed any concern? showing issues due to contact ?

thing is if you happily (apparently - not saying you are but if you willingly send them off then on paer you happy) sending them off every week for day time contact then it doesnt look logical to deny overnight.
if the day time contact is not going well then every week you need to be going to gp with child; or even stoppping contact on "reasonable grounds" eg child's extreme distress.

Original poster
ProtectiveMother · 11/10/2013 16:20

Gp is concerned. Records being collected by my solicitor.

Teachers showing concern as sons behaviour disruptive ONLY since contact w his father began. He has been a very well behaved child in school previous to this. Should I try to get statement from his teacher??

That is interesting that I could just decide not to send them to their fathers. Especially for the 2 hrs that take place one evening a week. It's so disruptive and causes them distress every week.

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HisLommel · 11/10/2013 16:45

You would have to show good reason though, and the child being disruptive may not be sufficient - you have to prove a direct link. In our case exW has said child wets himself after contact and the court have said that's not something she can prove.

Original poster
ProtectiveMother · 11/10/2013 17:06

The children are disturbed after contact each week. My youngest requires to be held in order to go to sleep. V needy. How am I supposed to 'prove' that???

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HisLommel · 11/10/2013 17:28

I think in our case, the legal adviser wanted to know how exW would prove it was directly because of contact and not, say, because of the level of conflict between his parents.
It's difficult, I have no idea how you'd prove it. I thought that's what Cafcass reports were for.

Original poster
ProtectiveMother · 11/10/2013 17:42

I will question my solicitor about Cafcass when I see her next week.

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