1st birthday party - what would you do?

[Caramelbutthorn]

Hi all,

Please could you give me some advice - it's just me and my ds who will be 1 in November.

I'd really like to do something to celebrate my ds' birthday but don't know what to do. It's just me and him, plus I'd invite my mum, brother and grandad and the three or four mummies and their babies that I know.

My ds' dad has nothing to do with us since I refused to put him on the birth certificate as I didn't think he was a responsible parent (there is a history of dv). He has since moved abroad and doesn't contribute to his ds. He has also instructed his parents not to see my ds as well.

What would you do in my situation? Did you have a party for your one year old?

Also if I do have a 'party' would you invite the ex and grandparents? I'm thinking I should because then I can't be accused of excluding them and in the future should josh ask I can tell him they didn't want to come rather than I snubbed them.

Thank you all xxx

you need baby, a cake, some close family and friends.of couse you should celebrate one year for you :)

your ex is not close is he?

if you want to reach out to his parents and tehy nce people thn invite them but it could be awkward? maybe on a diferent day?

What cestlavie said

1 is good age to reach out to ex-p's parents. If they are ok they would be good to have in your ds life, if not at party.

I'd be cautious. Have a lovely celebration with your DS and if you would like to reach out to the GP's on your DS's dads side, you could try sending them a card with a pic of him on his birthday and invite them to come and meet you both for tea/cake at a quiet and mutually convenient time.

I'm cautious because I have experience of DV and I think you don't want something as special as your sons first birthday over shadowed by trying to think so much about people who have not got any kind of relationship with him yet. Plus, inviting an abuser or their family back into both your lives has a hefty pro/cons list you should be really weighing up (with proper objective advice if possible).

When you feel sad for your DS remember that you are not responsible for his other parent. His dad is responsible for that relationship, not you. If it's crap or non-existant that isn't your fault - you're not 'snubbing' someone who has left the country and instructed his family to ignore you by not inviting them. Think very carefully about what you may be inviting back in to your DS's life, when you consider the DV and the role his 'dad' is likely to have. Be sure it's a really good thing long term - not just something you feel 'should' happen.

Thank you all. That gives me a lot to think about :)

My sons first birthday we lived in a refuge at the time..but he has no memory of it...to be special for a one year old they just want people around they know...I agree..Reach out if you want to...

You are not required to reach out to them and be aware it could cause more trouble than gain if Ex gets wind of information...

While they might of been nice and reasonable while you were together in my experience most of them still side with their Sons

The numbers you mention- a few other people and maybe a few other babies and their mum's- sounds right to me. Parties can be overwhelming and your child should be with people who are already known. I wouldn't invite the others as you'd be doing it for the wrong reasons, your child won't miss them, it could make people tense which could make your child uneasy and could spoil the day. Having the ex there sounds bonkers and would not make the day happier. There are plenty of other days to see other people who care about your child. If the GP have showed interest and supported you then maybe arrange to see them in a neutral place that you can leave whenever you want e.g. a cafe or whatever. If they haven't shown interest or are unsupportive then why would you want them in your child's life?

For my ds' 1st I invited my closest family, supportive friends, bubbles and cake. I DID invite my ex. And his family. He refused to come because I wouldn't allow him to take my ds out for the day. It was his 1st birthday and he hadn't had any contact in 4 months. He then told his family not to come either.
Even if it had been just me & my son without the few friends & family, it would have been perfect!
Congratulations! Yay Mama!
x