How do you know if you're a good mum?

[squinney]

Hi everyone, I'm a first time and single mum of a six month old. So I'd like to ask those with more experience, how do I know if I'm a good mum? I do my best to entertain, make her laugh, go on outings, read and sing to her, but I have nothing to compare it to.

You're not a good mum. You're a great mum! :-)

You sound fab. Caring that you are a good mum is the route to being one.

Being around other parents and children helps with those ever present worries about development and parenting issues, hopefully there are groups running around where you are.

There are also parenting courses (your children's sure start centre, health visitor and toddler groups will probably know what is going on) if you want a more structured approach.

i am sure that you and your child will teach one-another and grow together. trust your instincts and never be afraid to ask for help if you need it.

Thankyou [ProtectiveMother] and [foolonthehill] . I'm in a regional area so am on a waiting list for a new mother's group to begin. I have a couple of friends with babies my age but they are both in loving relationships, so don't want to be too much of a "downer" when discussing these issues. There are moments like now, where we are on the bed together, she is playing, but I've got my nose to my phone mnetting! I always feel like I should be doing more, but have lazy, tired moments and second guess myself.

keeping motivated 24/7 on your own is hard...let yourself have down time...she's happy, you have breather then "man the pumps" again. Having 5 minutes out is good for both of you.

(I have 4 DC all close together...I don't like to think how many "5mins" DC4 had to put up with on her own!!! She is 7 and fine...very independent..but boy did I worry when she was little!)

it's about being good enough.

keep talking to her. talking to and reading with to your baby are very important. get on the floor at her level.. sounds like you doing all that !

I heard one thing on the radio which i thnk is sound advice - limit your phone/internet time when baby is awake to say ten minutes every hour. so you say to yourself; on the hour each hour is when you check your phone for five or ten minutes. so it's not constantly. you dont need to respond to most texts or facebook alerts immediately.

(if she sleeping then feel free)

Thanks cestlavielife , I like that advice, it's tangible . Maybe foolonthehill I need to be more aware of my "down" time. Make myself aware that the next 5-10 minutes are for me. It all tends to blur into one. At the end of the day, I tend to always be thinking, I'll do better tomorrow .... but I'm fairly low on energy (lack of sleep) so not much changes. I do try and talk to her all the time, by the end of the day it's just jibberish :)

You sound like you're doing great. I am on my own with dd aged 12 months since birth and boy has it been tough. I lost count of the times Ive lain on the sofa with dd on the floor trying to play with her with the little energy I have left after a broken nights sleep.

but she is fine and happy. If she knows you are there and love her that's the main thing. Everything you do sounds fantastic but don't beat yourself up if you sit and watch Deal or no Deal while dd entertains herself!! Just like I am doing now:) you are only human.

Yes I think the best thing is not to beat ourselves up :-)

And we also need to look after ourselves too. It's taken me a while to work these two things out! It's been 6 years since my eldest was 6 months old.

Treat yourself. You deserve it!