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Original poster

Introducing new partners to the children

9 replies

Sasquatch75 · 05/10/2013 07:23

Just out of interest, how long would/did you leave it before introducing your new partner to your children? And what about your ex? And if it was early, as in a few weeks following separation, did the children handle it ok?

OP posts:
Hellokitten · 05/10/2013 07:36

My two kids have met my new boyfriend this week, one month after I left my 'D'H. They had seen him once or twice before as before the split he was a good friend of mine, and he is an old school friend. We took both kids and went for a HUGE walk in the countryside and to the park. My oldest who is 4 also took to him really well, in fact they both adore him and he is brilliant with them, probably better than I am! Yesterday we went for a quick lunch then he took my oldest to a museum while I got some shopping. I wouldn't normally trust anyone like that but I've know this man since we were children so it's a bit different.
The kids are fond, they chose to go to him and to ask him things, neither of us pushed it.
Honestly, right now the kids are more upset my visits to their dad than by trips out with my bf, but my bf is a million times better with the kids than my ex so I expected as much.

Original poster
Sasquatch75 · 05/10/2013 07:52

It's the opposite situation for me and I'm worried about the kids thinking that daddy has just swapped families as his new girlfriend has 2 young kids. He moved in with her about 4 weeks after we separated and the kids met her 2 weeks after that.

I have 3 kids aged 2, 4 and 6 and it's my 4 year old I'm most worried about atm. He's become really clingy and insecure and wants to be with me all the time :(

OP posts:
HisLommel · 05/10/2013 07:56

My exH introduced his new girlfriend a matter of days after, and within 6 weeks she was pregnant.
I was devastated as you can imagine but they are still together and happy 5.5 years later. She's a good influence on my DC. My eldest gripes about it from time to time but it's been a positive thing overall.

relaxingathome · 05/10/2013 08:01

Split with Exh When dc were 3 and 4. They met his GF who was OW fairly quickly and were also very reluctant to go, clingy with me etc..
Turns out it was because they didnt want me to be on my own and lonely when they were with their Dad.
So I would say let them have an idea of your plans for the weekend and hopefully they will settle better.

Hellokitten · 05/10/2013 08:26

Sorry to hear your situation :( Mine is different as we aren't moving in and I haven't introduced him as a boyfriend, just as my friend. We have shared the odd hug or peck in front of the kids but they don't seem to be bothered by it.
My four year old is definitely affected by the split, being much more defiant than usual, but all I can do is meet his needs the best I can and involve him in things, including meeting my bf, so that he doesn't feel sidelined.
Can you speak to your ex about your concerns?

Original poster
Sasquatch75 · 05/10/2013 15:43

Yes I've spoken to him 3 times now, once face to face. He appeared to take it on board, but then took the kids to see her that same day! He really couldn't care less about my concerns, which is not a good base for our future relationship...

OP posts:
Lonecatwithkitten · 05/10/2013 16:16

DD meet OW and she stayed the night in under a week. It really backfired on ExH DD maintains she hates OW 15 months on, I have never commented on OW in front of DD she as made her own mind up.

AvonRachel · 10/10/2013 20:04

I normally wait at least a month, you get a good feel for how important the person will be to you in that time, whether they will be around for a significant person in yours/child's life... But it gives them all the idea that you aren't keeping your life partitioned and also a chance to see how they interract as that is always crucial for me - the guy for me needs to be good with my little one and she needs to like him.

However the current bloke already knew her from our archery club! That didn't stay a secret longer than a week!

mitchsta · 25/10/2013 17:15

My uncle (mum's brother) left my aunt for OW when their kids were 7 and 9. The timing of introducing them to her was irrelevant really as he tore their world apart. Understandably, they've never liked OW and I don't blame them. He moved in with her and her kids and pretty much took on a new family. He paid maintenance - and more - to his kids, but their visits to their dad were always obligatory rather than desired.

My aunt has never said a bad word about OW and she encouraged the kids to visit their dad even when they were reluctant (the youngest was really clingy for years and there didn't seem to be anything to do except tell her she was going and that's that) - but, as lone as said, they made up their own minds about OW right from the start.

Incidentally, their mum has done a stirling job of raising them and they've graduated with degrees in Medicine and Nursing. They are an absolute credit to her :)

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