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Am I doin the right thing for my son??

3 replies

Mama4412 · 04/10/2013 13:52

Hi everyone
18 months ago my sons dad left us, my son was 16 months old when he walked out on us, he went on to be a drug dealer (lowlife) anyway I tried my best to get him to keep in contact with his son, I went to solicitors to send him letters about 2 half day visits and exes mums house, he never turned up and cancelled, so I changed the visits to one whole day a week, hoping that that wud keep the bond a father and son should have, he had no job (except dealing) so he had no excuse not to be able to see for a whole day, again he canceled or left half way thru etc, just didn't really bother. Well in the 5 months after we split he seen his son 6 times, then he got arrested and is now in prison and had been for a year! He sent a visiting order out after being inside for 10 months and I took out son in to see him cus I thought maybe he's realised the value of his son etc, it was a nice visit and I sed if he want to continue building a relationship with his son ( who didn't know who he was wen I took him in) then the visits need to be regular! Well it took him 10 weeks to send another VO, in fumin cus my son deserves so much more and even tho I don't want him goin in to see him in prison I was willing to cus I don't want him to not know his dad! Well iv had enoug and I threw out the VO he sent last week cus it's not good enough. If he wants to see his son he can go they courts cus iv tried my hardest to do it fairly and flexibly!
He left us for his ex who keeps dumping him and taking him back, so from what I can tell is that he only bothers with his son wen she buggers off! That makes me sick that he dump his boy for her!

Being too soft hearted, being string is so unlike me, I am worried that I'm not doin the right thing! My little boy means everything to me and I don't want him messed around, especially wen there r no good reasons for it!

Opinions please guys I'm at my wits end! I refuse to take my son back to that horrible prison because what mum wants their child there, especially wen it might screw him up cus for all I know he cus see his dad once and then not bother again for 3 months! As all mums know 3 months is a very long time to a child and a lot can change for them xxxxx

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Mama4412 · 04/10/2013 13:53

Sorry for spelling mistakes I wrote so quick I forgot to check. Xx

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starlight1234 · 04/10/2013 14:56

quick reply as just off on school run...

I don't blame you..It does seem you have tried and he has made no effort...

I found emotionally it was far easier for me once I stopped trying...Leave it to him..He may wake up and make the effort if he knows he has to or he might not either way your son wins..I always knew my ex would eventually drop out of his life..I tried for a long time and found that once I stopped trying it dwindled out ..I think for my son I am glad it was before he had all the upset at school...Ideally Ex's would want to be a part of Lo's lie but that isn't reality.

Mama4412 · 04/10/2013 15:05

Thank u :') all I ever do is think of my boy. And it is so emotionally draining because I can't understand how anyone can not want to bother with with such a lovely child! I think I am gonna stop trying now, I know he's sending visiting orders but I just don't trust him to be regular and that's not something I want my child to go thru. Makes me feel better that someone has gone they similar :) thank uxxxx

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