Divorce - Final Hearing Nearer

[Kara]

Hi, Been married for 14 yrs with him for total of 20 yrs. I have till next wk to agree on financial split H wants 60/40 or we got to final hearing at the end of Nov and the unknown as it will be down to a judge to make the decisions! He is 41 and lives with his 22 yr old girlfriend in a 3 bed rented house. He is self employed (Says he got no money!) I have 3 kids huge mortgage as we had borrowed lots to extend. Left with house unfinished. I think 60/40 is to much as I am mid 40's and though I work part time around the kids - lost my career years ago! By time kids will leave I will be late 50's and will never have a £30k job where I live! Youngest child is 8! His solicitor is trying to stop my legal aid so I cant afford to take it to final hearing! Have no idea what to do! Cave in and accept or stick to my guns! Fighting for me and the kids as he pays very little for his kids! Any advice would be gratefully received. I only want what is fair for the children and me. Thanks for reading

The question I'd be asking is why are they putting so much effort into bullying you from going

I can only assume it is because him & his solicitor are nothing but bully's! She thrust his mobile phone in my face at the first hearing the second hearing infront of the judge brought her own personal stuff into the court room!! Shocking! My solicitor is lovely and try's to be nice and amicable but all we get from his solicitor are aggressive, threaten and bullying letters etc! My solicitor says that this is not how they should be when it is family law as it is about trying to negotiate as calmly and amicably as possible! Stress is high anyway with out this sort of stuff going on! I only want a roof over my kids heads till they leave school. Thank you for reading and taking the time to reply.

What does your Sols advise...The sols is the most likely to give the best adivse as they have more experience of the way these things turn out but good luck

It will be a different judge in the final hearing so it could go either way i could end up better off or the same or maybe worse off! It is a risk. Just wish it wasn't like this after being with someone over 20 yrs and this is what it ends up like all very very sad! :(

It is sad but try to stay focussed.
Judges don't like bullies or bully boy tactics.

The law is rational, make your requests rational and well argued, decide ahead of time what you would accept (it is not uncommon for the offer to be increased substantially just before the hearing) and why you would decline anything less than this. Rehearse your reasons so you can state them any way round in response to questioning.

The fact that they are working so hard to keep you out of court suggests to me that they are not confident they will get what they want in court.

Try to go for what is right and just...yes, judges do sometimes get things wrong...but they are trying to get things right.

good luck.
Exhausting isn;t it?

Hi, Thank you for your reply. his solicitor is so aggressive and threatening. My Solicitor has already told her in a letter that we do not like their aggressive tone in her letters! My barrister says she doesn't even know the law and finds her very rude and aggressive.
Yes I think you are right - maybe they know he wont get his own way! I do not want to be greedy but all my life with him - I gave in to his bullying controlling ways! Now I am sticking up for myself and in control and he hates it that he cannot control me and what I do!

I had a letter from his solicitor over 2 wks ago and burst out crying and just wanted to give up! Then my solicitor rec'd a 3 page letter the day before the 2nd hearing re the children, threatening etc and my solicitor wouldn't send it to me until after the hearing - one thing at a time and then read it and laugh about it! Which I did when she sent it to me after the hearing. I love my solicitor she is great :) x It worries me that knowing there are such nasty solicitors out there that now legal aid has stopped and those sadly about to go through and having to either use 'mediation and share a solicitor to negotiate between you to save costs . What if they ended up with someone like that solictor!

I just want it all over to concentrate on the children and me and get our life started again in a positive direction.

I feel for anyone going through this and would not wish this on my worst enemy! xx Laugh more each day and don't sake and feel sick so much now. I feel I can now help and support my friend who are now sadly going through this situation. Makes me feel better than I can try and help others go through this and support them and try and make them know that anything they feel or do at the beginning is normal human reaction as I have been there and done it and now can look back and laugh about it! :) xx

I think "birds of a feather flock together" and nasty bullying men find nasty bullying solicitors.....

try and keep that sense of humour and when you see the letters imagine they are the last ditch efforts at control of an increasingly invisible and irrelevant man.

And this is where you are going ^I just want it all over to concentrate on the children and me and get our life started again in a positive direction^.

Solicitors letters are there for posturing purposes. Your ex and his soliciotr likely know that they are not entitled to what they are asking for - hence the bullying. Just be clear on what you want and why, and trust your, much nicer, solicitor.