ExH playing happy families while I struggle to get through each day, when will this get easier?

[cls77]

Not sure what I'm hoping for here but have had a crap few days. Was with ExH 15years and asked him to leave last August after a long long time of Emotional and financial abuse and a secret pot habit which led to compulsive lying and an emotional affair by him with our neighbour! Long story short I was in denial about how crap things were and struggled along thinking I could make it work, he was the only man I had been with, and we have a beautiful DD. Now after months of treating our DD terribly, not contacting her, blaming me for everything to her (she's 11) and being a total waste of space, he's now all loved up with a new woman who has two young DC (he never wanted children and always called our DD "your daughter") now my DD has met the woman and had a nice time playing with the kids. She's obviously wanting to tell me about things there like the holiday they want to take her on, the fact that exMiLaw has been to her house as he's been with her for nearly 7 months?
Was I that terrible a wife, is it that easy to just leave and move onto someone else? Why am I finding this so hard? I work full time + extra, I'm struggling financially and get bugger all from him (CSA are "processing" his first job this year) and it still hurts so much. What do I do?

Go to gp and get referral for counselling to process this. It can really help.
Or go to a separated and divorced workshop.
You can get thru this and move on.

he was abusive emotionally. and hes still doing it. you do know that this is partly his way of getting to you. playing disney dad and loving partner to someone else is him basically hurting you best he can in an attempt to make you regret having the galls to dump his poncey arse. make you feel like it was you that was the reason why hes 'so miserable he had to look elsewhere'.

ive been with 2 men like this before, they are so textbook its unreal. you did the right thing by yourself and your dd by getting out of a toxic relationship. now your free to move on with what you want (they hate that).

id have a look about too, see whats about in the way of counselling/support

I think what hurts the most is that I have very much encouraged DD to contact/reply/see her father, but he (and his family) are convinced I have brainwashed her and "stuck the knife in to F!$@ it all up". So my plan from now on is not to encourage or discourage DD to see him, but to see what she wants to do. She is 11 so is perfectly capable of deciding if she wants to see him or not, and I will still be there to support whatever decision she makes on that, but im not going to encourage things anymore.
His family were a big part of my life for 15 years, and now its all just gone. DD is excited about a holiday that may or may not happen, and my father is putting anxiety into my head by telling me why DD shouldnt go away with them (Father has always been an overprotective, anxious nightmare throughout all my childhood, and even now!)

OP he is still in the honeymoon period and it is all new to DD too - try and not think too much about it. What he does is nothing to do with you, not in terms of not being your business but not because you are a not a bad or good person IYGWIM.
cest advice is good about getting help - you deserve it - time for you.
If you don't rise to it then he may stop as he is not getting the reaction he wants. Plan your new life - it is going to be wonderful.
Regarding the holiday - how will he pay for that only having his first job now? Please try not to think about much of what he says - I am sure you know from past experience - things are rarely as he tells them.
You have done a good thing getting out - it seems he is trying very hard to show he is a great person and you know the truth that is all that matters.

better thankyou so much your post was lovely. I thought about the paying of the hols too but think his mum will prob help him out with this. Ive come to the conclusion today that I need to worry about things only if they happen, otherwise I will waste valuable hours of my life stressing when 99% of the time I dont need to!
cest and honey thankyou to you both also, I have a very dear friend who is my counsellor on a regular basis lol, but will definately look at other options for me. I just needed that kick up the arse, so thanks! x

ah OP another one with an enabling Mum. Your DD will soon suss that out and see him as being a bit pathetic needing his Mum to take care of him when he is a grown adult. My DS does and he is only 8 years old.
Enjoy your own space and the peace - good luck x

Thank you!! Yes very true, he has an enabling nan and mum lol!! Children do work things out a lot faster than people realise!!

Do bear in mind that whatever the shenanigans in the early days, he will revert to type soon enough. When he does, just be there to support your dd.
My advice would be to nod and smile (whilst thinking whatever you choose) but never slag him off in front of dd. She will work it all out in her own time.

mine yes I will thanks, I think that's what got to me yesterday. He and his family had the balls to say I would be poisoning DD when in fact I've encouraged her to text/answer his rare calls and see him, when she was asking me if she had to as she didn't want to even hear his name :(
Bastards!!