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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

So alone

26 replies

AmIthatHot · 21/09/2013 21:23

Not really looking for responses, more a dump of mixed up emotions.

Most of the time, me and DD rub along, we have fun, we live the life we want

But the last couple of days, I have felt unbearably bitter and sad. Bitter that I am still alone. Bitter that I still have to do absolutely everything. Bitter that it's my birthday on Tuesday. I won't get taken out for a birthday meal, I won't get any presents, I won't get a cup of tea made for me.

Don't bother the fuck about "oh I know lots of couples where they don't do these things"

These couples presumably share the worries, the workload, and at the very least, the financial burden.

Some of us have to do it all alone.

i have managed to keep the facade for the last 11 months. Birthday month I crumble with the loneliness. Went to B & Q today - saw all the smugs. Wish I had someone to help with the decorating.

And it makes me sick to the stomach, humourous or not, when I read fellow MNers moaning about snoring or some other trivial shit.

You're lucky, the man met you first, that's all.

OP posts:

MadameLeBean · 21/09/2013 21:29

Hey sorry that you are feeling lonely. I was a single mum to my dd from when she was 18m to 5yo. I know it really really sucks sometimes. Do you have family or friends nearby?

Hugs

Isabeller · 21/09/2013 21:32

Really sorry you are feeling like this

Original poster

AmIthatHot · 21/09/2013 21:52

I know I should count my blessings. My beloved DD is so innocent and lovely. She came to me tonight to give me a hug as she loved me so much.

I cant dump on her, she has to think that she and Mummy is normal, and that I can sometimes cry. I cry but pretend it is something on TV.

I'm a nice, tolerant person. I care and I work. I try to keep my house tidy. Yet, I struggle on my own while others get their hearts desire

Fuck it, on the very, very rare occasions when I get out, I am the one not being picked up and taken home by an OH. No, I am the feckless cunt standing at the taxi rank, wishing the ground would swallow her up.

I deserve that, though. My DD's "father" and I split up, so I deserve to be treated like shit

OP posts:

MadameLeBean · 21/09/2013 22:44

You don't deserve that, c'mon, it's not your fault! I don't know the circs of your break up but you should not beat yourself up over that. Your dd has a loving and safe home.

SoonToBeSix · 22/09/2013 00:10

Hi sorry you are feeling crap it is my dd birthday on Tuesday. Hope you do still manage to have a nice birthday with your dd.
Hugs

mammadiggingdeep · 22/09/2013 07:36

Sorry you're feeling sad. When I feel the way you describe I just treat myself to something. It could just be lunch for me and the kids in a cafe because someone else is making it instead of me.....or on your birthday could you treat yourself to something nice, clothing....new haircut...facial. Something just for you. I know it's not the same as if someone had bought it for you but it will give you a little lift. Xx

rainbowfeet · 22/09/2013 08:53

I am feeling the same as you right now! Have just moved house & area so have had a few months of stressful organising, practical packing/unpacking, DIY, bill sorting & other paperwork all the stuff I'm no good at & would have left to exhub!!!
Feel a mixture of pride that I managed it & sadness that I've done it alone!! I regularly say I am not one of life's copers but I've been doing it for the last 3 years, still the responsibility of it all is hard, it's tiring & draining! I've aged so much in that time & have too become bitter & comfort ate so am not much of a catch for a new man anyway!!!

Nearly 40 fat stressed out skint !!!

rainbowfeet · 22/09/2013 08:55

Amithathot...

Happy Birthday in advance x

Original poster

AmIthatHot · 22/09/2013 09:55

Thank you. Had bottle of wine and fell asleep. Feel a bit better having sobbed it out. Will go out for tea with DD on Tuesday

We have been alone for eleven years and I still have the odd day like yesterday although on the whole I cope ok. It would just be nice to even get a cuddle from someone other than DD.

OP posts:

Nat38 · 22/09/2013 10:02

Sorry you feel this-we all feel it sometimes!!
Treat yourself on your birthday-it does not have to cost a lot!!
Could I send you a birthday card??!! PM me your address if you`d like!!

RitaFajita · 22/09/2013 10:17

You have to let it out sometimes.

Its bloody hard doing it all yourself with no one to look after YOU.

I know the feeling. No partner and don't have any close friends or relatives nearby.

Birthdays are hard my 40th in particular. Just me and DD having a Chinese takeaway when most people have a big party.

Do try to have your meal out and try to build in little treats now and then. The little things can help make a big difference. I recently bought a travel kettle to keep beside my bed for a morning cuppa for instance. Wish I'd thought if it years ago!

Come and vent on here on Tues if it helps. Oh and you can make us jealous telling us about the pudding you have had!

RitaFajita · 22/09/2013 10:20

You have to let it out sometimes.

Its bloody hard doing it all yourself with no one to look after YOU.

I know the feeling. No partner and don't have any close friends or relatives nearby.

Birthdays are hard my 40th in particular. Just me and DD having a Chinese takeaway when most people have a big party.

Come and vent on here on Tues if it helps. Oh and you can make us jealous telling us about the pudding you have had!

corlan · 22/09/2013 12:01

I can identify with everything you've written - it is really,truly crap. Sorry, I'm probably not cheering you up much am I?

Happy Birthday for Tuesday anyway.

honey86 · 22/09/2013 12:07

i can so relate to this. i was one of those who had a lovely partner 5 years ago, pregnant with our 3rd. then his heart failed and he dropped dead at work. ever since, ive had the utter piss taken out of me by men.

they either assume im after a 'replacement dad' or some other drastic commitment and they run for the hills. or they take advantage of my vulnerabilities (i have asd) and walk over me, emotionally abuse me or cheat, then im back to square one.
either that or i get slimeball married men assuming im 'up for it' and try to make me an 'other woman' by coming onto me n flirting.

im just a month n a half away from having my 4th baby. the wank excuse for a dad started the ol' emotional/mental/verbal abuse, cheated on me n i had to end it (thats a first, its normally me getting dumped). far as i know hes out getting on the lash and sleeping around.

so here i am. i look forward to getting the pitying looks on the postnatal ward, from the married women happily opening their 'push presents' while their hubbies feed the baby.

thats another thing ive heard that narks me off. wives who demand presents for giving birth. entitled.
id just be thankful for a partner that treats me like a human being

rainbowfeet · 22/09/2013 14:32

Honey86...

Sending you love & positive thoughts. Good luck with the new arrival x

Original poster

AmIthatHot · 22/09/2013 17:14

Oh Honey, ignore the pitying looks and focus on your new arrival.

Ad Nat, thanks for the thought .

I do have family and friends, and I am reasonably self sufficient. DD and I went abroad for our hols this year and I managed it all, with no tantrums, etc, but yesterday I just hit a bit of a wall

Back to normal now

OP posts:

Nat38 · 24/09/2013 15:16

Happy Birthday to you,
Happy Birthday to you,
Happy Birthday dear AmIthatHot,
Happy Birthday to you!!

MoreThanWords · 24/09/2013 15:25

Happy birthday

JohFlow · 24/09/2013 16:21

What a powerful woman you are. Capable of doing all these things and being able to provide compassion for DD too. Keep up the good work! It's healthy to sound off every now and again when you are that responsible. Is it just a momentary 'wobble' or would you want to do anything to get yourself more company?

SadBadMadFat · 24/09/2013 19:04

Birthday greetings OP.

and I could have written this thread word for word. absolutely understand. you could be my clone, exactly same circumstances.

for your birthday.

babyseal · 24/09/2013 21:08

Happy Birthday from a lurker! (un mn birthday hug)

rainbowfeet · 24/09/2013 21:53

Happy Birthday!

Daisypops · 24/09/2013 22:10

Im in the same boat too amithathot. No words of wisdom I just want you to know you're not on your own.

Ps happy birthday x

Original poster

AmIthatHot · 24/09/2013 22:11

Thank you, you are all so sweet. DD made me a paper fan,so I can take it to work to keep cool

She had club this evening and I went back into work while she was there, so no celebrations tonight, but we're having an Italian meal on Saturday instead.

I won't manage a glass of wine, and I'll be paying for it myself but, I'm happy.

Now, I'm hoping that honey is feeling better

OP posts:

honey86 · 25/09/2013 19:57

kindof.. busy during the day so i dont tend to mope then. its the evenings mostly, when loneliness kicks in.
am a little sick of listening to the other mums chat about their DHs and how lovely theyre being.
plus i discovered today that 2 of my exes who treated me like dirt n used me, are now in relationships and are treating their partners like princesses. its not bloody fair, how come they get such amazing treatment when i just got trampled on. sometimes i wonder if theres something about me that makes me less 'worth it'. sounds selfish of me i know, i shouldnt expect other women to be treated like i was, but it does make me feel bitter IYSWIM...

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