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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Original poster

feel like packing up and running away

10 replies

Daisypops · 11/09/2013 19:49

I am a lp to two dd's.

I work pt and my mum cares for my children when I am at work. We had a massive fall out last week and I can't see theres any going back. Basically she made a comment last week that gave the impression she begrudges having my dc. I pay her what she asked for for childcare and I have always said if it is too much she should just say andi will make other arrangements. tonight she said I am damaging my children as I didn't want dd1 to sleep at her house. I told her not to criticise my parenting like certain other members of my family. To which she replied 'stop playing the victim'. Totally out of character for my mum as she has been wonderful, was my best friend and was a lp to me and my brother so knows how tough it can be.
.

This week exp text me to say he has someone else and is in love with her. She has a son and they all live together. I am not remotely jealous or bitter but I am confused as to how he has accepted his new gf's son but rarely sees his own children and is reluctant to pay for them. I don't understand.

I feel very alone. I feel like everyone is against me and bullying me when they should be working with me as been a lp is hard going.

I have no close friends. No family left to talk things through with. I just feel like I do my best, work, bring my children up to the best of my ability and everyone shits on me.

Please don't say anything that is going to make me feel worse.

OP posts:
honey86 · 11/09/2013 20:44

thats awful, i cn relate abit but not completely, but hugs anyway.

its hard being a lone parent.. today ive been dropped like a stone for some tart by a bloke who made out he wanted me. who ive known n been friends with for donkeys years n stood by. the rejection stings.

id be having a Wineif i werent heavily preg by the last asshole who took me for as much as he could then fucked off when it got tough.

i often think... what is it about these new women that make them so special that they get treated so much better? and will it ever be my turn Sad
so tempting to move away but their egos are already inflated enough by the fact that im hurting x

ProtectiveMother · 11/09/2013 20:45

Ah Daisy I feel kind of the same. Being a lone parent is SO TOUGH! I always hold out hope that things will be much brighter for me in the future. I'm an optimistic person lol. Seriously though, when the chips are down for me, all my family kick me in the face and my friends are nowhere to be found either. Big hugs.

ProtectiveMother · 11/09/2013 20:47

Ps you won't be able to stop the Negative Normas. They turn up on every Mumsnet thread! ;-)

Chubfuddler · 11/09/2013 20:50

Big big hug. I'm a LP and I've just spent a soul destroying two hours trying to get my two to bed. I don't really have much comfort to offer, sometimes I do cry (not often) because it can be so damned lonely sometimes.

We'll both have a better day tomorrow, yes? Shake on it?

Original poster
Daisypops · 11/09/2013 21:09

Honey...I relate to so much you have said.

I was seeing an bloke for a while, nothing serious but I have known him for 15 years. Apparently he wanted me but 6 weeks ago he dropped me like a ton of bricks as he 'has a lot on'. I considered him my closest friend, my soul mate and my true love and he said the same. But he just went? Surely you don' t treat people you love like that. So that has also added to my shittyness.

My brother and I fell out a year ago. We havent spoken since. Apart from him trying to rub it in about exp at a recent family function.

My dad fell out with me a month ago because I wouldn't let him look after youngest dd when i had to go away for work. My aunty looked after her. Is it so wrong me me to choose who I want to look after my children. My dad is nearly 70, isn't very quick on his feet, struggles to get up the stairs etc.

And then theres exp and his text. Why tell me he has met someone else and hes in love?He said he had his own flat, Turns out he lives with his new girlsfriend and the last time DD1 stayed she stayed in his girlfs sons bed. DD is now reusing to see her dad and I cant help but wonder if it is because she knows he lives with another child (i started another thread on this)

Exp has paid me £150 for the last two months. But I have to check each month that he actually pays it in to my account. Last month it didn't go in and I had to ask him for it. I then got abusive messages saying i was only interested in money! This man owes me about £2000 for been a cock lodger for years! He never asks to see DC. Last time he saw DD1 was at the beginning of August. One phone call since. This makes me very sad.

But yes tomorrow will be better (until I have to see my mum to drop DD off!)

OP posts:
honey86 · 11/09/2013 22:02

yup sactly the same. i did have a very brief relationship with him 2 yrs ago but he gave me the 'ive got alot on' excuse too. he also told me he couldnt say i love you back to me, but he said it to this girl easily. and whats worse is this girl was his mate, all the time we were on n off for. its so hurtful n insulting. i wonder if shes partly responsible for wrecking things, giving him 'advice' on what to do etc, when she was really after him herself Angryso humiliated Sad

n ive had a fair few fallouts with family over childcare before, they offered to have them but only for money then moan that theyre doing this/doing that/ theyre being difficult etc n generally talk as if its a big inconvenience to have them.

i went to a birthday bbq for a relatives dd, and i was asked after 2 hrs when id be leaving cos grans getting stressed with the DCs running around. talk about making us feel welcome Sad

as if us lone parents dont get isolated enough x

Original poster
Daisypops · 11/09/2013 22:11

Aww honey your comment about what your gran said made me laugh out loud. Sorry.

My brother said at the family function "why haven't you brought x" meaning xp. I said because we aren't together and haven't been for a year. He said well he never did anything wrong to you and was good to the children...erm he cheated more than once, drank everynight, didn't contribute to the hh, was a rubbish dad wouldn't change nappys, watched me crawl out if bed in tears to get painkillers after c section and dished out loads of EA. What planet are these people on.

I just feel a bit like 'family...so what, its a word they've all still shit on me and kicked me when im down' I would never treat anyone like my family has treat me. Im too nice thats my problem.

OP posts:
ProtectiveMother · 11/09/2013 22:26

Daisy in this sexist world the men never do any harm. It's always the woman's fault ;-)

My family were the same. My ex wins the prize for the biggest asshole in the UK and yet my family members only ever saw his 'nicey nicey' persona. I get comments like that from them all the time. Which is why I prefer to keep well away from most of them! :-)

honey86 · 11/09/2013 22:37

i second that protectivemother. i mean how dare we fail to protect our kids by keeping them away from abusive men but also how VERY dare we stop fathers contact when children must have both parents in their lives Confused

damned if we do...

ProtectiveMother · 15/09/2013 21:02

Yeah honey. I must say your family don't sound very welcoming to you it's true :-(

I get the same treatment, which is why I now stay away haha! Sometimes hard emotionally though! But then not as emotionally hard as dealing with them would be.

Yeah the abusive exes are a tricky one. They can be so charming to w everyone else. I read on another thread about 'wendying', isolating someone from their own friends. I think my ex was one of these poisonous types. Some of my friends and family still think he's such a 'lovely' 'nice' guy. Don't make me sick!!!!

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