Advice please, court soon.

[mumof289]

I was in violent relationship for 2 years, it started off with emotional/mental abuse and turned violent when we split in September last year. He's tried to kill himself twice and was under a crisis team for a short while. Social worker was involved and stopped contact between father and children because of the risk and the fact that he was abusive to me infront of the children. Even when we was together he was never consistent with the children he was just on his phone all the time.

I have a non mol order that protects me till January, and also has an extension attached to it for when child contact proceedings go ahead. They start in October.

I am more scared now for the children than I have been before. He has made the child application for court and is representing himself. I have applied for legal aid as the domestic violence has been proven.

I understand that cafcass will be involved among other agencies. I'm currently getting support from the domestic abuse team. My solicitor is very good. I see her some point this week just waiting on my appointment.

I was just wondering what contact he will get? I'm hoping for the best interested for the babies that he gives up.

My youngest is only 7 months old and he has his girlfriend pregnant, she's 3 months gone already. They got together in December last year - I fear she will be another victim like myself.

I would like supervised contact, but I understand that it only goes on for a certain amount of time.

Personally I would like supervised until the girls are old enough to decide for themselves what they want to do.

My questions are

• what power do mums have over supervised contact (ie, can we control how long it goes on for?)
• contact he may get with the children

Looking forward to your replies. I'm terrified for the girls and for myself too. I want him out of our lives after what he has put is through. He paid someone to put my mum and dads windows through recently. He's sick. I feel like he is applying for child contact to scare me (which it's working)

He probably is applying to scare you...hold onto your hat and get lots and lots of support.

I am currently going though the courts.

As a resident parent with no contact order in place you are COMPLETELY in charge of what and whether contact takes place. If you think he is a danger to your children than it is not only your right but also your duty to protect them. make sure you keep all evidence (texts, emails, phonecalls, contact with members of your family/you) report everything so there is as much outside evidence as possible.

once he has filed his C100 (which asks for contact) you will be able to see it and any accusations he has made against you (he will definitely say things that will upset you...try to detach (eg he may say you are depressed, mentally unstable, immoral, a drunk etc)...you and your solicitor will then send in a reply denying false accusations

In your case CAFFCASS will certainly be involved...they will take statements from both of you and possibly from any children who are old enough to tell them what they think.

youwill go to court for a preliminary hearing in front of the judge, Caffcass will recommend something (probably a full hearing), before the preliminary hearing the solicitors will be encouraged to find an amicable way forward (you won't be in the room with him) at least in the interim....make sure you don't give ground. if you want supervision or indirect contact only then stick to your guns. If you cave it will be the bottom line that court start at and work up from. Go knowing who (if anyone) would be willing and able to supervise or if you would need a contact centre

The judge will sign off on your agreement, or disagree but in your case you should not be ordered to mediation as you have evidence of DV.

you will then go away and prepare statements, evidence etc...harrowing, time consuming and yuk...but you'll get through...there are formats for these and you sol will guide you.

these statements, Caffcass and police records etc will all be used in a full court hearing (with barristers unless you have to represent yourself)...expensive. You will be cross examined but so long as you keep stating the truth you should be ok.

The judge will then order what contact should take place.....and your guess is as good as mine :( but travel hopefully fro a GOOD OUTCOME

Thank you for you reply.

He's representing himself. I stopped contact in April, his family are coming out with serious allegations which they told my solicitor but my solicitor doesn't want to tell me as he said it was sick and completely fabricated and they put this in there injunction. They have a lot of violent history (domestic violence) on his side of the family which 2 of his other siblings have been subject too but not his youngest sibling as far as I'm aware.

Non of his family are suitable to supervise or do a 3rd party hand over with the children and my family recuse to do it as they are scared of him. (He's a very big lad) typical rugby player.

I would like indirect contact but I know that want happen. Supervised is a possibility at a contact centre as well. As if his family can condone what he has done what behaviour will they allow infront of my children while I'm not there? Not to mention they haven't saw them for 5 months so they'll have forgotten them by now.

I've applied for legal aid (if domestic violence has been proven - which is it has with the non mol order) hopefully ill get it so I can carry on with the legal representative to help me through and voice my wishes.

I don't want to have to cross paths with him ever again.

I've kept everything since it all started as I've been seeing a solicitor since the first time he was aggressive with me. I've never hated anyone in my life before, but I hate him. I'm scared of him and I want him behind bars were he belongs (for selling drugs) but he's not been caught yet. It's stupid the way the system works!!

yes, the system says the right things but it is so hard.

take one step at a time and your children should end up protected. Don;t be defeatest...if you can make yourself believe that the courts CAN deliver a good outcome for you then you are more likely to get one and less likely to settle for a bad compromise.

One day we will live and breathe freely again...it's a fight to get there though

Prepare yourself for a long road. Ultimately, even many abusive parents get contact. How far that goes and how quickly, in terms of supervised/unsupervised really depends on lots of factors. IME he has to prove himself tot he courts but they won't keep testing him forever.
The biggest advantage you have is the NMO as well as the fact that an abusive, violent man representing himself he will possibly be ill prepared for court (My ex thought he knew it all and ended up doing himself NO favours)
Experiences of Cafcass can vary greatly. The most frustrating thing that i found the whole way through the process was that communication between court officers, social workers etc was really bad. You need to make sure that you are kept in the loop totally with who is saying what to who.

and if all fails and you feel your children need protecting from him, pack your bags and run away. Seriously, just run and keep yourself and your babies safe.

Good luck my darling, you are very brave.

jsut put in all evidence of everything you have his MH episodes (MH itself isnt a barrier to contact if he is getting it treated)

and violence - get all reprots, crime ref bnumbers etc you have and make sure you or your sol say only supervised contact at a contact centre.
ye sif he turns up there consistentntly and it all goes well it will progress - but do you think hewill keep up regualr consistent contact erhe for say six months with no incidents?

if he does - then well maybe you will feel ok to review in six months.

contact your lcoa contact centre ask abotu arangemetns for dorp off etc where you wont ahve to have contact with him and what elvel of supervision thy can ofer wwww.naccc.org.uk

ps if you are called to attend a court hearing it is not a good ida to run away -= you will end up with a penal notice to attend.

ie you could face jail if you dont attend court. it would be very silly to do this given you ahve plenty of evidence of his behaviour and SS involvement .

the judge has to hear evidence then decide. your ex has a right to seek contact - the children have a right to safe conctact. but given SS involvement previously and them stopping conact the likely outcome right now is supervised in a contact centre.