Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Flip

Original poster

Horrible neighbour

18 replies

niceupthedance · 02/09/2013 19:22

Me and DS, who is 2.7, moved into a lovely flat two months ago. As we are in between two other flats I try to keep DS quiet, say no running and jumping etc.

Downstairs neighbour came up one morning last month (at 9.30am!) to complain about noise - luckily I wasn't here and DS's dad who was visiting basically said "ok" and shut the door in his face!

Anyway, he has been up again tonight to moan again; footsteps, things being dropped on the floor, doors banging etc. He says he works from home and it's disturbing him. I said DS has started nursery this week for 3.5 days, but he still went on and on about keeping the noise down.

I am really upset, I hate confrontation, and now I feel really uncomfortable about living here. I also don't want DS to get a complex about having to be quiet all the time.

Has anyone else experienced nasty neighbours? What should I say if he comes back? I don't think we are unreasonably loud at all.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Doinmummy · 02/09/2013 19:27

It's so hard to keep little ones quiet but they are noisy even with the best will in the world .

Mind you I'm sitting here listening to my lodger banging and crashing about upstairs. I've just thrown a show at the ceiling

Have you got laminate floors? I'd so could you put some carpet down. ?

Doinmummy · 02/09/2013 19:27

if so

RobotHamster · 02/09/2013 19:30

Yy, do you have wooden floors?

If not, and he comes round again, I'd just say you're doing all you can (no running, jumping, etc) and he's got to accept a certain amount of noise living in flats.

You could ask him which room he work in when he works from home, and see if its feasible to keep the noise down above that area?

Original poster

niceupthedance · 02/09/2013 19:54

There are carpets everywhere in the flat. I did tell him I had been doing my best but he doesn't seem able to accept that some noise is possible still. For example, I tell DS to not drop his toys on the floor, but sometimes he has already done it before I have noticed him about to do it.

I told him I try and keep DS in one room, but we are not in prison - I pay a lot of rent to live here. I think he may think I am a feckless single mum - we are in quite a snobby area.

I just think this guy has unrealistic expectations. There is no noise after 7pm ever, I could be having parties, people round til late etc.

OP posts:

RobotHamster · 02/09/2013 19:58

He does sound like he's being unrealistic, if you've got carpet and you're not having wild parties all the time he's being unreasonable. He can't expect you to be silent all the time.

12thDoctorsCompanion · 02/09/2013 20:43

buy some of those interlocking rubber squares from Tesco, theyre bright coloured things in the childrens garden toys aisle. think you gt 6 in a pack.

on top of carpets like a foam mat theyrbrilliant and you cant hear toys drop on them. recommend a few packs and try and cover most of the room.

Original poster

niceupthedance · 03/09/2013 06:29

Thanks 12th I will try that.

OP posts:

12thDoctorsCompanion · 03/09/2013 17:46

I did that when we lived in a flat, downstairs neighbour was a shunt who was quite happy to make all the noise in world but we couldnt even breathe! worked a treat, foam pads, not rubber . were now in a semi and i stuck them all over the attached wall to deaden sound of neighbour a bit.

seriously good things.

MrsIgglePiggle · 03/09/2013 21:38

Hi, I really feel for you and have been in your position. I've moved many, many times over the past 20 years and have had numerous neighbours. I've always been a quiet and respectful of those around me but that hasn't protected me from horrible neighbours. There are some people who will always take out their mental and emotional angst upon their neigbours, even if you're the quietest person in the world.

I've found these people also to be terrible bullies, and in my vast experience of "neighbours" the softly softly approach never works with them. This man is being totally unreasonable to you, and I doubt if you invest in these mats it will stop him knocking on your door. He has issues, that probably only a psychiatrist will help him with. You, and with the support of your son's father, need to challenge him the next time he knocks. Tell him in no uncertain terms that he has to get used to a toddler living above him, and that if he knocks again you will call the police and have him arrested for harassment.

As I said before, these types are also bullies, so you really need to stand up to him and put your foot down. Please don't let this awful man have an effect on your son's development.

It's time to be Tiger Mummy.

Original poster

niceupthedance · 04/09/2013 07:52

Yes MrsIP, I did feel a bit bullied when he wouldn't stop going on about it. He was quite aggressive in his attitude.

His flat is on the market so I hope he buggers off soon. I have lived next to all sorts of noise before and never complained - it's just part of life if you live in a city. Anyway, I will try and be more assertive next time... And I'm sure there will be a next time!

OP posts:

smallchestofdrawers · 04/09/2013 10:45

I had a similar problem and bought some heavy duty rubber matting that comes in squares that you fit together. Its similar to the mats you can get in different colours/ ABC etc but it's the full strength stuff quite a bit thicker.Its just plain grey and quite ugly but it doesn't have to be down permanently and worked quite well to reduce noise (and bumps when my DS was little for that matter).

12thDoctorsCompanion · 04/09/2013 17:23

smallshestofdrawers where do you buy the heavy duty stuff from? i wonder if it would work on walls?

smallchestofdrawers · 05/09/2013 19:19

Sorry I can't remember which website I bought it from, I got it a long time ago. I gues a search for rubber floor mats would do it. I'm sure it would muffle sounsd if stuck on walls but is would be very ugly.

I had a particulary nasty neighbour and wooden floors so I bought loads of it and although my DP thought I'd gone mad it has come in handy over the years, I even put in on the patio one summer when DS was a toddler.

12thDoctorsCompanion · 05/09/2013 20:07

oh id put something over them if they are on walls! maybe floor to ceiling bookshelves or wallpaper or something. Ill try and see if i can find some on google. thanks.

Timeforabiscuit · 05/09/2013 20:36

Please remember that you are just having a normal family life, and with this comes with noise.

If he tried to complain to anyone else he would get nowhere, he knows this,so the only way he's going to get want he wants is to try to bully and intimate you.

He is being an arse, by all means try to deaden obvious noise, but if he still complains tell him to go away and contact the council as you won't be entertaining any complaints from him you have been as reasonable as you are going to be.

Original poster

niceupthedance · 06/09/2013 06:45

Yes I did think of inviting him to call environmental health, who would probably laugh him off the phone.

I ended the conversation by saying I would keep the noise down as much as was "reasonably possible" but next time I will tell him that I will call the council. Horrible man!

OP posts:

smallchestofdrawers · 06/09/2013 20:33

I should add that my horrible neighbour experience did, in the end, teach me not to bend over backwards to placate miserable, selfish people. She could only ever see her own point of view. She'd moved from an excusive apartment block to a terraced house with a family living next door but seemed to think there should be no noise.

I realised that there was nothing short of moving that would placate her. Only do what's reasonable and no more, in my view its not reasonable to expect silence from small children.

Finally after five years my neighbour has moved on. Good luck.

Mumof3xx · 06/09/2013 20:38

Tbh I would ignore him

Your not letting your child run and jump which is reasonable of you

He shouldn't have to sit in silence

Your neighbour should live near my old neighbour who had two constantly screaming kids and parties every night until about 5am with music blasting

I rang the police and was told they were not breaking any laws and I should ring environmental health instead who said they would install a sound monitor but I couldn't stand it any more so I moved

Flip