How old are your dcs and what access does their dad have?

[mama2moo]

Just that really! I am struggling a bit to find out what's best for mine

How much contact would he like to have ? How much contact would the children like ?
There is no 'one size fits all' rule for any family. Mine spend every other weekend with their dad but he moved 90 miles away and it's been a long process to get it to that level due to the fact that he's an abusive git

2hrs a week (half that by the times he cancels and quarter it for all the times he's late) at a contact centre.

What is currently happening?

Dc 8 & 5, we separated when they were 5 & 2, dad has them 10am - 6pm on Sunday with two overnights a year.

I have asked him to increase it as they would like to see more of him but he won't.

My dc's are 15, 13 and 10.

Xp doesn't have them unless they ask to see him, which they don't often because he does fuck all with them when they are there.

DD 15, sees him every weekend, usually under her own steam. Stays every other Saturday night so I can see my man and I catch up with work and housework

My dcs are 2, 4 and 6 and my ex only left 4.5 weeks ago so is missing them like mad and seeing them loads... atm it's been decided that he'll have them saturday 9.30am-sunday 7pm every other week, and also every saturday during the day on the other weekends...

DD is 9 and we have 50:50 shared care. In actual fact it is more 55% in my favour and gradually increasing as time goes on.

Forget what everyone else does. Do what is in your DC's best interests.

Contact is for the children - it's not for `dad to have access'. If you agree to contact you are letting them see their dad. If you don't you are stopping them seeing their dad.

My son with with me 40% of the time. Friday-Monday nights (4 of them) every fortnight, Mondays following the weekends he isn't with me, half of all holidays, special days like birthdays, etc. alternating Christmases and New Years and others. He has phone contact too.

Try to avoid court, eh? My son got the above after a long and expensive court case (5 years and 15 hearings). Dealing with an ex is harder but I guarantee a court case is harder.

Lostdad re: 'stopping them seeing their dad' ?!?!?

A sexist expression often used against single mothers.

This is a website for single mothers so watch your tongue!

It says "lone parents", not "single mothers", wind your neck in.

DD nearly 7 and one night a week plus every other weekend. Plus any other time that any of us wants to do something special or go on holiday etc.

Best to keep things as much as per routine as possible I think and be flexible to each others needs.

Ds is 10. For several years, when his dad was in a stable relationship and I was in a job where I needed to work every other weekend, ds stayed with him pretty much every Sat night until Sun pm. It worked well for everyone.

Without going into details, unfortunately XH is no longer in the settled environment he was and therefore things have changed wrt contact. Ds does not presently want to do overnighters with his dad and we both respect that. So he sees his dad one day every weekend, whichever day suits best with other commitments. XH lives too far away to do weekdays. We've never been to court and have always true to negotiate between ourselves...not always easy but we get there in the end most of the time.

I agree that contact should always be about what the child wants (as far as possible if they can articulate those needs/wants). It's not about 'allowing' anyone to see anyone else. It's about facilitating the rights of the child to have a relationship with the NRP. I also agree that routines are important, especially for younger children, if at all possible. Ds has had a very disruptive year wrt to his dad and it has been very difficult at times