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Lone parents

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Does anyone else feel sorry for their LO's?

4 replies

YummyMummy21 · 19/06/2006 14:18

HI I am new to this site, I have a 17months old DD and have been seperated from her dad since she was 5 months. She sees him every week which is a good thing but his rules and opinons on things are very different to mine.

When sshe s at mine she has a bedtime routine, she sleeps in her own bed, eats healthy, says pllease and thankyou, and generally listens to me.

When she is at his, she goes to bed when he does (usuallly 10/11), sleeps in his bed, eats crisps and drinks sugary drinks. He still feeds hher baby jars, he doesnt ever tell her NO.

When she comes back she is always extremly tierd and sleeps for about 4 hours in the afternoon. She doesnt liisten to me and it usuallly takes about a day for her to re-adjust.

Yesterday was the worst, she came back at 4, then I went to see my dad. On the way home she feel asleep so when we got in I put her to bed. I tried to wake her for dinner but she didnt want to get up, and was to sleepy to eat. So she didnt get dinner and woke up at 5 for her breakfast.

I feel so sorry for her. She must be so confused having two completely different parents. If I say anything to him then he acuses me of trying to come between them and interfering in their relationship. Which im not.

Does anyone have anything similar with their XP, and how are your LO's coping

Sorry for the long post xxxx

OP posts:
bluejelly · 19/06/2006 16:50

I totally know what you mean. I have had lots of niggles like this over the years with my ex.
The bedtime thing used to really bug me-- but I think it's a lot to do with not seeing them that much and wanting to maximise the time spent with their children.
Also my ex is crap at discipling, always takes her to mcd's
The list goes on.
However now my dd is 6, I feel that I can take the long-term view and think:

My dd has a relationship with her dad. He's not perfect but he's her dad and he loves her. We have fallen out a few times but in general have good communications.
And I think these are the most important things, everything else are just details.

Certainly my dd doesn't appear to be confused by the different styles of parenting, and does things like put herself to bed when she stays with her dad, rather than stay up late.

However is there anyway you can talk to your ex, in a non-confrontational way about a more unified approach? Maybe going out for a drink or a coffee just the two of you? Might help...

Good luck and let me knwo how it goes

FloatingOnTheMed · 19/06/2006 16:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

YummyMummy21 · 19/06/2006 23:14

Thankyou for your posts.

Its great to hear that your DD is coping well with the situation bluejelly.

Im sure DD with be fine, but I just worry sometimes that she wont know if she is coming or going.
I also worry that she will favour his house over mine as she can do what she wants at his house. I dont mean to sound selfish, but I do wonder if she will hate me for having rules.

I hope she will be OK

Thanks again for the replies xxxx

OP posts:
bluejelly · 20/06/2006 10:37

I'm sure she won't favour his house over yours, well not until she is a teenager anyway! Children crave routine and stability the odd late night of course doesn't do them any harm but in general I think she will enjoy the routine that you provide.

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