Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Flip

Original poster

I feel so very trapped - any suggestions to turn things around.

16 replies

watchforthesnail · 02/09/2013 14:05

posted in chat but got no response.

Ive been a single parent of 5 years. I work, part time, im so skint, there really isnt much left over for anything.

I have no single parent friends.

I have coupled off friends, who dont want to do anything, and younger friends who all live at home and have endless budgets and do ask me out, but i can never afford to go.

I dont get invited to the school gate mum things as im always at work.

Im not ashamed to admit ive gone a bit green eyed over friends FB pictures, nice clothes, fun times with friends and husbands.

Im sick of being on my own, but cant see how, given the above its going to change anytime soon.

Im just stuck and feeling very trapped. Any advice or suggestions from people who understand how it is would be apprecaited.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

somanyfake · 02/09/2013 15:46

Watch try to not worry so head up
Some time ago I come to conclusion that the most important thing in your life is your and your family health

Why dont you look at it from different perspective

You have got your kids some work some money
Im sure if you would try you would propobly find some friends as well

Original poster

watchforthesnail · 02/09/2013 15:49

ive got friends... i just cant join them on nights out as i cant afford to.

id very much like to go out, its my only chance really of meeting someone, but i just cant justify money on going out when bills need paying etc..

and im just very lonely after so many years on my own.

OP posts:

somanyfake · 02/09/2013 16:00

And dont worry about "school gate mum things"
If you are genuine good person just think its their loss not yours
If fb make you upset just dont go there
There are some people in much worst position
Who know they would never be able to even have chance for normal life again and I dont write it because want you to think people got worst
But just to try change the way you think

Look at your life look what have you got around and
Think I have got so much or
Ive achived a lot and just try to be proud of your self
Well maybe just an idea

TwoStepsBeyond · 02/09/2013 16:22

Sad to say, you probably didn't get much response on chat because there's not much anyone can suggest that you haven't already considered and tried/dismissed.

Is there any way you could work a bit more/somewhere else so that you have a bit more cash at your disposal and potentially the opportunity to meet someone special? It might be a good way to mix things up socially while also addressing the financial issue.

Original poster

watchforthesnail · 02/09/2013 16:35

I dont know, i worked full time when DD was tiny, it pretty much led to a breakdown from exhaustion.

Wages in this area arent great, so id pretty much be working full time, with DD in childcare before and after school and school holidays for maybe £100 a month more... which just doesnt seem worth it.

there arent any easy answers which is why i feel trapped, i cant seem much of a way out of it. its that in itself which is depressing.

Most of the time i bumble along ok, im just particularity fed up i think.

OP posts:

feelinlucky · 02/09/2013 16:51

Hi op, I'm in a similar place. If I didn't have friends who on the odd occasion have my son, I would never get out. It's shit isn't it. I can only say that it does get easier as they get older. Mine is 11 and I leave him to go to the shop or the gym for an hour. It's not much but at least it's a bit more freedom. It will get better.

Original poster

watchforthesnail · 02/09/2013 16:56

i could go out this friday, A friend is having engagment drinks in town...i dont have DD but i dont have the funds. so cant.

its a small thing. i shouldnt complain.
So - ill just stay in. The next night i will have free will be two weeks after then. But typically nothing will be going on, and so it continues.

OP posts:

GladbagsGold · 02/09/2013 17:01

I feel for you. Have a bring a bottle and a friend party? You will get to socialise without it being pricey and needing a babysitter. And some reciprocal invitations...

Original poster

watchforthesnail · 02/09/2013 17:08

problem with that is, one) i wouldnt want a ton of drunk adults in the house my dd didnt know when she was upstairs sleeping.
two - i doubt people would come. Again- married/ coupled up friends dont go anywhere without each other and/or have babysitter issues themselves. Younger unmarried friends dont see the point and want to go out on the town because they have the funds/ chance to do so.

but maybe i could do something for oct time... a small get together or something..

OP posts:

TwoStepsBeyond · 02/09/2013 17:08

Anything you could sell on FB or ebay to raise a few quid for Friday night? Its a shame to miss out on a night out for the sake of £10-20. The amount of tat I see people paying over the odds for on FB always amazes me, even just an old chest of drawers, some clothes?

Original poster

watchforthesnail · 02/09/2013 17:13

Ive tried, ive not got much i could sell really. The worst thing is, come the monday ill have £80 ish spare.

Its just how it is, i shouldnt complain.

OP posts:

ProtectiveMother · 02/09/2013 18:23

Well snail I agree with above poster. You should go out on Fri! Borrow from someone if necc and pay it back on the Monday. Borrow from one of the friends that's going out. Tell her you're broke but can't miss the night out. I'm sure shell understand. I know- its really crap to have to ask!!!- but hey it's a friend and friends are there to help each other out.

ProtectiveMother · 02/09/2013 18:25

I feel the same btw. Only 2 years single but zero men since. At all. However I'm working on self improvement so I can bag the man I really want when he strolls along ;-)

Original poster

watchforthesnail · 02/09/2013 18:27

god no, i cant ask to borrow money from friends, they are work friends. just couldnt do it.

i think im just hormonal at the mommet. but i just desperatley want to change things and it seems like too big a mountain to climb.

OP posts:

SoftKittyWarmKitty · 04/09/2013 23:16

Go out on Friday but don't drink. Soda and lime is about 70p and you could either drive (if you have a car) or get the bus there and back. You could have a great night out for well under a tenner!

I'm in almost the same position except I have a DS not a DD. I've been a single parent for nearly eight long years since I was pregnant with DS and I've been single for the whole of that time. I worked full time when DS was young then went pt after I had a kind of breakdown (health and mental health issues) and just couldn't carry on like that. I work pt now and things are financially tight, so I'm considering getting a second job (am looking for something local). My friends are all married and never want to go out. And I mean never. Colleagues usually go on pub crawls and I don't drink so it doesn't appeal to me. I feel forgotten, tbh. Just want you to know you're not alone.

Fraxinus · 04/09/2013 23:26

Sounds like the only way to socialise in your circle is going out, and you are the odd one out not being able to afford it. It must be difficult being the odd one.

So perhaps you do need some new friends. after all, meeting someone on a night out and meeting someone who is a friend of a friend... Which do you think is more likely to Result in a relationship? (which is one thing I gather you'd like for the future?)

if you meet some other friends through a hobby or interest, You get to socialise without going out on the town.

Good luck

Flip