Crap week......

[mammadiggingdeep]

can I off load???
Feeling rubbish today. My DDs started nursery this week, after some successful settling in sessions. Turned up yesterday (first proper day) and walked in to find dd2 (14 months) crying her eyes out, hysterical up to the tea table with 3 adults in near proximity but not comforting her. Spoke to the room manager etc. Anyway, got home, did bath time, put them to bed.....eldest DD (3) wets the bed. Move her in to mine, middle of night wets that. She's been dry for couple of months...maybe something to do with starting pre school at the nursery.
This morning as I'm dealing with wet sheets, wet pjs...washing machines, clean sheets, making the beds, doing breakfast....mind whirling with nursery concerns and thinking will they be ok there next week etc etc I just realized that the buck stops with me! Every buck.

What do other people do to cope when everything overwhelms you? I spoke to my mum about the nursery thing and it helped a bit but I just feel really over whelmed today.
Sorry if this doesn't make much sense....mind on over drive xxx

Yes the buck stops with you I don t know about your experience but in mine it stopped with me anyway when I was married.If you're children hate nursery find another one or a childminder some little ones are happier withcm than nursery mine certainly are.Accidents happen especially when little ones are tired.You are doing a great job sometimes it's really hard and you feel crap but at least it's your hard not hard someone else is making harder for you.Chin up nothing lasts forever xx

Thanks for replying. Yes....you're right....I would have been feeling the same if he was here to be honest. I'd have tried to discuss nursery with him and got a one word answer....I'd have been just as busy this morning but with him making a mess too.
I think my DD was really tired as she'd missed her afternoon nap...it was just the fact that nobody appeared to be soothing her....guess I'm just feeling guilty at leaving her.
Thanks so much for replying....felt better for typing it out....

Ps- was also thinking of childminder....will give this a go but if I'm not convinced she's happy I'll start searching for a good cm x

Sorry you've had a crap week and night. Anyone would feel overwhelmed.

Just remember you are doing a great job. I think all parents feel panic when they think of the responsibility... great you have your mum to discuss things with in real life.

You'll get a better feel for how its going at nursery as time goes on.

Try to make some time to look after yourself.

It will get easier as they get older...no consolation meanwhile I know x

Thanks Rita.....I think I'm just pissed off that not only was he a crap partner, he's turning out to be a rubbish dad too. Another weekend and not heard a sausage from him with regards to contact. It's good on one hand as I get to have fun at the park with them today....but then the little bitter part of me thinks "thanks for leaving me with all tje shot stuff to sort out and worry about".....but then I need to remember I get all of the joy and good times too.
Just feel like he's taking the piss out of me...and the dc. Turns up as and when he feels like it and shares none of the real responsibilities. Going to head out to toys r us in a bit to spend some gift vouchers then on to the park.....hopefully we'll have a lovely day and I shake off this worry.
Thanks for replying x.

Men can be selfish gits and work to their own agenda. Its very unfair.
Hope you have good day at park. Sorry for short replies am like a zombie today my DD won't sleep at moment x

Maybe you need to lay the law down a bit to your Ex too (use the phrase "for the DC's sake) so he has regular set contact times/days & then if he doesn't stick to them tough he doesn't get an alternative. When the children are older you can be a bit more flesxible if it works out but they need to know where they are & you need to know when you have "time off" even if it's just being at home in peace!

Every other W/E (just daytime to start with if easier) and one tea time or overnight midweek is standard.

Into hugs....much appreciated :)
Yes, I need to get in control of the contact arrangements....he is a contender for the most difficult to communicate person of the year award. I think he is being manipulative too....diesnt really want me to be able to plan things with my friends and gave my own life.
Think it's a a case of waiting for it all to naturally sort itself over time- their age has a lot to do with it.
Thanks for listening.....does feel better to off load to people who understand.
Rita....hope tje sleeping improves for you...

I know how u feel op. My exh picks when he wants to see his son and I can't get through to him that once a month is not enough for a 2 year old!

He's leaving a 3 week holiday with his gf next week and hasn't seen or asked about his son in the last 2 weeks. Will be 8 weeks in all til he next sees him but can't see why this isn't right.

Sorry for the highjack. I completely understand about the buck stopping with u and I also hold onto the fact that my son loves me and brings me joy. Its just a shame the feckless fathers out there won't experience the same with their children. U only get out what u put in. Unmumsnet hugs xx

Oh grumpy......that's really not on....8 weeks :( sorry you're on the same boat. Had a knock on the door earlier and my 3 year old said "is it daddy???" all excitedly. Course it bloody wasn't. Feel so sorry for her....

Dig deep and find the strength....my mantra at the mo....

It's hard to understand how they can do it. I know I'm biased but I think my sons great. Lol. He will miss out in the long run.

The scariest part of being a lone parent is knowing that ur kids rely on u only. No back up if ur ill or someone telling u that u've made the right choice.

Luckily like u I have my mum to talk to but it's not the same as sharing with another parent who loves ur child like u do!

That's what hit me last night with the nursery thing.....my mum was understanding, gave her opinion etc but it's not the same as coming home and mulling it over with the other parent. Thing is with my ex is, I know he loves the bones of them....but somehow he hasn't managed to sort himself into a routine if being there for them....when we were together he'd miss them like crazy if he didn't see them for one night....never thought he'd be as he is now. A lot of it is to do with trying to control the situation...ie I ask if he's coming and he'll try not tobecause methinks it'll annoy me...etc etc. As you say....his loss. I bet your son is great and he's lucky to have you as his mummy.
Xx

Hope you've had a better day today OP.

The buck does stop with you as a lp, but then it does also start with you too iykwim - you are in control and can choose what to do and be independent. Don't forget to take pride in that.

Thanks mama every cuddle I get says I'm doing something right !

You sound like a great mum too. Sometimes one parent that is always there is all you need x

Thanks bunchoffives (great name by the way). Yes, I do take pride in being the leader of our little gang :) I feel pride that we have a lot of love and happiness in this house. Had a good day and am feeling better, been boosted by your posts also, thanks all.....

Yes grumpy....that's a very true sentiment. Let's hold on to that. Just pouring a well deserved vino for myself....cheers to us and our little people :)

Wine all round for mums who put their kids first and are in control of their own destiny.

There is a lot to be said about knowing your doing it alone and doing the best you can