How much access does your xdp get with the kids and is it enough

[jellyjelly]

Just split up with my sons father he doesnt know how much he will be able to see him and want to know what is the norm. He doesnt know where he will live.

live in same town and he is at his friends house.

Well, DH sees his other 2 every other weekend, when they can come and stay, or if they prefer, DH will go and visit them.

They live about 2 hours away though. And they are 11 and 13, so have social loives!!

I guess it will depend on where he will be, or if he can come to your home, as well as how often you both feel is right.

Good luck with this.

Mine are 6 and 4 they see their dad every weekend for 1 day and o/n once every 5-6 weeks (at his parents).He also visits for an hour or 2 once or twice during the week at my house.

my ex has them every other weekend, once a week for tea and half of school holidays.

are you on good terms? it can be whatever suits you. if he is staying at a friends he may not be able to have them over night, but could poss babysit for you so you get to go out and he gets to tuck them in.

afraid its a how long is a piece of string type question. hope you can sort it between you

My dd is with her dad every other weekend (picks her up from school on Friday and returns her Sunday around 6pm), most half terms and a large chunk of the summer holidays (maybe 3 of the 6 weeks). He isn't good at picking up odd days when I may need help or anything like that but we've always stuck to the schedule.

When dd was younger though (before she was 3) she only spend Sunday days with him - didn't sleep over. She just wasn't ready for it then.

mine has dd one night a week usually a monday night, not enough really i would prefer if he had her at the weekend because i want to go out and it would save me having to ask someone else, but his social life is much more important obviously.

to be honest i have never pushed him to have her anymore i tend to let him have her when it fits in with him, MUG THAT I AM

DH and I have only recently split but he visits the boys every day and has just had them for 3 nights. He works 4 days on and 4 days off so on his days off they will be with him, but I will see them during the day too as we want to keep everything as normal as possible and so we take them out together to the park and stuff.

Keep them comign should be coming tomorrow but doubt he will but then as he has been so poor the rest of our relationship that maybe he will pull his finger out.

jelly all I would say is do what suits you and your family, there is no 'norm'!

I'm not in your situation but I worked for a long time with children of split families so I got to see the damage done when parents were extremely bitter about eachother, even to the extent of involving their children in the details. Not suggesting this is you of course, just to say that this is the time to look at things purely and simply from your child's point of view and keep the channels open for him to see his dad.

think of it as your child's contact with his father, not the father's contact. Some parents told me this made it easier to have to 'fit in' with the ex's requests for contact; obviously it can make you cross if you feel your ex is fitting in his child around a social life and not prioritising seeing his child, but this doesn't matter to the child really unless they are much older and aware of his other arrangments.

Hope it goes really well for you anyway, take care.

he is going to live with the woman that helped to split up i dont want him - ds to see her certainly not soon which he agrees with so i can see weekends being a long way off.