Does anyone else feel scared being on their own?

[12thDoctorsCompanion]

Just me and DC. live in a rough area. council house. no way out at all (on homeswapper but no one wants this area). been targetted as people see there are no men at all in my life, and friends sporadically visit. so just us in house.

DC and I disabled. DC facial deformities. get insulted/spat on/the lot all the time. both of us autistic and sensitive to loud noise. neighbours know this (explained friendly to them after one too many loud parties-them). have not told them we are alone, but they see it.

Gov/council/social services/police/everyone else dont help AT ALL. (their answer-your life, your child, your responsibilty).

hate feeling scared and vulnerable all the time. no one to lean on, no support at all, no extended family, DC goes to bed and thats when it kicks in more than ever.

added to that its the loneliness and feeling unloved and wish i had a man to cuddle at night (and day!) and feel safe, protected and loved.

scared to stay in, scared to go out, anyone else feel like this? and how do you cope?

Scared on my own here on mn too!

btw also ive had a heart attack because of the fear and stress. and all the while trying to keep a smiley face for an already traumatised/stressed/difficult DC.

(and DC screamed head off in hospital and wouldnt be taken away so had to stay with me while I was there the whole time. If Id have died.....)

cant sleep properly at night with fear of intruders etc. sleep with a spraycan and baseball bat next to me, turn lights on every half hour or so so anyone if theyre outside can see theres someone in.

fucking hate being on my own.

Would you consider/ could you cope with a dog.
Obviously would bark at suspicious noise and general be scary to undesirables (even little ones do this).
Plus there is lots and lots of evidence of them helping to reduce stress and lots and lots of evidence of how helpful there non- judgemental unconditional love can be beneficial to autistic children and children who have low self esteem.

Can you get involved in local community /neighbourhood ? There may be some tenants who want to make things better in your neighbourhood.

Thinking that if you had a man it would all be ok is wrong thinking... You are and can be strong and confident . You dint need a man.

You do need friends support.

But look to local community maybe voluntary group get involved with the good people there will be near to you.

For lights you can get timers to turn them on and off . Ask in DIY store .

I have no good advice, I'm sorry life is hard for you. Maybe re-post in Chat or Relationships as there is more traffic?

Thanks for replying, thought I was on my own here too !

we have a sensor light and a dummy cam over front bit of house (hope no one knows where I live now !)

DCs scared of dogs, big or small, and we really cant afford one, If dc liked them and I could afford it id get a dog.

when i was small we had an alsation (soppy as heck) and a chihuaha (SP) who was an ankle biter! very deceiving to guests!

we do have friends but like another poster said in another thread on this site, they have families of their own and obv want to be with them.

its not just a man for security and safety, its obv more than that , but my friends say they feel safer with someone else there in their houses, and people around here can see theres no guy around and that im not a toughy looking person.

that doesnt mean i cant hold my own, and can be tough when needs be (especially defending DC) but being disabled doeasnt help (pushing wheelchair over or days i can hobble on crutches, haveing them kicked from under me when people come out from nowhere). and as ive said, police dont do a thing.

it all adds up bit by bit. and theres even more to my life story than this but TMI and i might out myself if i say more!

thanks again for your replies and support.

I know you have said DC are scared of dogs not insurmountable though.
Costs if you are in wheelchair Dogs for Disabled maybe able to help you a dog who a dog who can be trained to help you to do various tasks as well as providing reassuring at night.

Thanks but a dog really is out of the question. for many reasons really. hygene included.

ive got a beware of the dog sticker on the door though and although DC is scared of dogs does a pretty accurate dogbark which helps at times!

I would first go to the police and tell them you're being harassed. They will ask you to keep a log of all the events, the spitting, name calling etc. There should be a named officer for your specific area.

Go to your GP and tell them how scared and depressed you are because of your living conditions, harassment and anti social behaviour.

Write a letter to your housing officer with all the same details.

I would tell the school that ds is suffering because of his housing situation.

I would go back to the police after a couple of weeks and bring their attention to the tragic story of Fiona Pilkington and tell them you are at the end of your tether.

I would ask the National Autistic Society for their advice too.

Can you look at local housing Associations and Housing charities?

Definitely look for any Neighbourhood Estate schemes or organisations and get them on side.

I've been in a similar situation to you but nowhere near as bad The police did have the power to get me moved but it was a different block on the same estate so I declined.

Thornerose every single thing you've said Ive done. its just something i have to live with. well, I say 'live', it's existing.

and when Id sent social services a email with the news thing about Fiona Pilkington (amongst others) they threatened to take DC away from me)

ive gone to poice station/council and literally sat there all day saying im not moving till somethings done....nothing. nothing. nothing.

some people are just born with bad luck or whatever you want to call it.

I know im not the only one who gets harrassed/discriminated.

everyone goes on about racism/ageism etc but disabilities are STILL okay to mock.

had to take DC out of school because they couldnt cope. im teaching at home atm.

sorry, i know im sounding mega self-pitying and tragic but it's how i feel.

Oh I'm so sorry, I should've assumed you'd tried it all. I got a bit carried away.

It's so bloody unfair though!

I managed to move away and rent privately I wish that was possible for you

It's ok! thanks for all that though, appreciate it .the renting privatly thing- we used to, but landlords charge what they want now and i have to rely on HB, plus therir places dont alwasy cater for disabled adaptations, managed after eons to get a council place, still soldiering on with homeswapper, maybe a roughneck WANTS to move from a quiet place to this! .

im on all the time to the various 'services'- current government dont help matters, of course.

weve had this for years and yes, ive thought about the pIlkington approach too but scared for DC as their (reluctant to give gender away here) disabilities are a LOT. they need me around.

just have to carry on. thanks all, again.

mumsnet is good for sharing and empathising (well, some sites on mn anyway!) so just as I can receive encouragment I hope I can give too.

When you look at Fiona Pilkinton's case it was decided that the police and the council failed in offering her protection on various counts.

I really hoped that lessons were learned but clearly not.

I have to say a couple of my neighbours and me ended up ringing the police virtually every day when in the thick of it (eggs and oranges thrown at windows etc etc)

My Housing Officer and the police met on a regular basis and we got the support of lots of other residents. We actually got a police order for groups of youths to be moved on, I think it was an Exclusion order?

It was a scary time though and I have to say my lovely neighbours fought far harder than me.

were the only nice people where we live-dont mean that to sound snobby or anything but it really is rough, and im not all nose in the air at them, ive tried to fit in but they drove out an Indian family once with racism/prejudice. no one helped them either.

lessons are NEVER learned.

baby P, Daniel Pelka, adults being targetted. one less person for the government to bother about.

Can you move area completely ? Eg new town ? Move some where where rents are cheap but place is nice.... Go onto private renting and hb .
Choose someplace with better school for your dc . What keeps you in the area ?

Have you tried your MP or local councillor? I know some MPs/councillors can be crap, but some are pretty good at stepping in and getting other bits of bureaucracy to do what they are meant to be doing, ie in this case, protecting vulnerable people like you.

Hi,

I'm so sorry that you are in this situation.
This is off the wall and of no direct immediate benefit. But you are sounding so down, maybe some slightly off the wall advice might help...?

As opposed to focusing on your shit situation, can you keep a journal and start writing about a good thing or two that happen each day, a smile from DC, a silly thing that happened. Studies show that journals like this will help to lift your spirits. When you start feeling a bit more up (despite the crap that mindless people are prepared to heap on you - in my opinion only mindless unhappy people heap crap on other people) you might find the strength laugh a little. With a little more happiness comes a little more strength. With a little strength then you will have more energy to fight - maybe in a different way, humour may help you. The authorities probably hear similar stuff all the time, and are so bored in their jobs they are dead inside so don't react to anything any more. I love the story of the complaint letter to Richard Branson www.telegraph.co.uk/travel/travelnews/4344890/Virgin-the-worlds-best-passenger-complaint-letter.html. Something that stands out might make them actually make them wake up and take notice. Do you have any funny friends who could maybe help you?
Another random, but different but similar point, I find learning about people who have emerged from really awful situations and come out the other side helpful and inspiring. Its great to be able to learn from their coping mechanisms, take Viktor Frankl for example en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Man%27s_Search_for_Meaning. Also something that might help you on the positivity front www.happiness.co.uk/inspiration/inspiration.php. It would be awesome if this guy could give you some advice, I'm sure he'd have something useful to say.
I know this doesn't help you immediately with your situatition re being afraid etc, but the more up you feel, the more you will feel you can cope (esp without a man) and the better you are able to deal with the crap and feel good about how you do deal with it, then the easier it will be to take the next small step to make things a little better. Fingers crossed in time you will have taken so many small steps you will have the right support around you (who knows you may even have the right income of your own) and find yourself in a better situation, looking back on this time in your life and feeling super proud of yourself for your amazing strength.
I really hope things pick up for you soon.
Best wishes! :)

thanks everyone. twosquared im going to sound awfl but I find it hard to b happy when other people come through things when they usually hav had help/won lottery/stroke of luck. never ever happens to us.

and I do try and focuss on something good but for 1 good thing I get 10 bad things back. andno, not imagining it or paranoid, it realy does happen.

yet another incident today and we didn't even anywhere!! and just lke scumeron and the lie, local mps do shit all.

and we cant move as 1-no one wants this area and 2-there are personal reasons w have to stay around this part of England. thanx for all suggestions butbelieve me ive been there done that gon to the ends of the earth.

12thDoctorsCompanion, I'm hoping that I can help you to see things in a different light. How many people win the lottery? And what makes people have help or luck?

I've found that when no one wants to help me they do when I make them laugh .

Just yesterday I was struggling with my four small kids, eight bags and crossing a hideous dangerous road with no pedestrian crossing. A man looked at me and did nothing (probably totally oblivious to my plight). I smiled at him and said "some days really just suck" and chuckled, suddenly there was this man carrying my bags and helping the kids across the road. So in that case, I made my own luck by engaging with another person.

And that has already happened with you :) :) :) You've put a post on mumsnet, I saw it and I've spent more than an hour looking for links and other info (when I have a mountain of stuff to get through that I really should be doing) trying to help you and you're a complete stranger! See you reached out, and now you have help! It does happen .

Imagine how depressing it is working for social services. Really, all they probably care about is counting the clock till the end of the day. They have a system to conform to and people complaining at them all day. There is little motivation for them to want to fight the system or make an exception, because all they get from everyone all day is shit, clients, their bosses if they try to bend the rules. Phew. But they may want to help if if their faces light up every time you enter the room, call them, what ever because you're that one in a hundred who makes their day better not worse.

Another personal example, I'm having serious issues with my children's school. Everyone complained. The school took no notice and we were all furious, in the end I gave up and wrote a tongue in cheek complaint letter laying out my personal situation that made us all laugh. The school called me to discuss, I told them they had a shit job and it must be so hard to make everyone happy. Two days later the problem was fixed.

I'm not saying it will be such a simple fix in your situation, but people will do more for people they build a positive relationship with as they will really start to care, or at least they will look forward to the next time you light up their day.

It sounds like you're too damn tired to do anything right now. Please ask friends for help for a bit (they may well have their own families and commitments but people will surprise you from time to time if you ask).

I really am wishing you all the best to get out of your dire situation.

One bite at a time as they say.

Good luck!

ps. see if its possible to build from 1 good thing followed by 10 bad; to 1 to 9, 1 to 8 etc etc. I am sooooo hoping it will happen for you!

Hi op,

I appreciate that it would be very difficult for you and dcs to stay with anyone as you need an accessible house but maybe you could try women's aid. They are not just there for victims of domestic violence and they have refuges all over the country. You could request that they help you find a place in a totally different town. They can help with sourcing deposit, finding and furnishing a place.

Please don't give up on getting out, you all deserve better

Thank you all.