Dont know if I should leave my husband.

[curiousgeorge1]

Hi I have been married for nearly 3 years. My husband works full time and I work three days a week looking after our two year old son the other two days. Having weekends together. Basically, I do everything, cooking, cleaning, washing etc, you know the score ! I look after all the finances. But this is not the main reason, Its his attitude which I have spoken about many a time, sometimes he doesnt even say morning. He thinks everything is my responsibility I got a look the other day for the dirty cutlery tray. Hes always huffing and puffing and people have noticed that at times he brings me down. He is covering standby on our anniversary and has made no effort to change it. I dont clean very often as I dont get time but the house was a tip and I said are you going to help me, a flat no. Its like living with a spoilt teenager I cant keep up with this super woman tatics. Yesterday was a strop because the freezer was empty and a pizza it was for tea. He is so spoilt and has a bad attitude. He is a good father but when it gets tough he gets stressed out but gives me a hard time when I do. I look at my son and feel great pain inside to think I could split up his family. I worry about the future and the thought of sharing my son every other christmas kills me inside. I feel like a slave. I have to think for three all family birthdays even delivering his familys birthday cards with no thanks just a "i never asked you to"! I could be here all day boring people. Any advice ? Also I could not afford to rent a place on my own on my wages paying half nursery fees too. Would the council consider me for leaving my husband and not being on benefits but a hard working single mum ?

Anyone can go on council/HA waiting lists. But they are long and you won't be priority.

Some councils run a rent assist scheme where they pay advance in rent/deposit

You'd get working tax credits and child maintenance too

I wouldn't think of a council house as a safety net, as it was mentioned, waiting lists are long.

I noticed that after I split from my ex, it was far more easier to keep the house in order, keep a good job-life balance and taking care of my child became so easy and enjoyable. That was while DS was going to his dad's on alternate weekends so I had some time to recover myself and prepare for the week while DS was away. After that.... Well I see my life as one of relentless work and constant money worries, I work full time now and you will need to do so too as the benefit rules are changing and the times of the single mum electing to stay at home or work part time are counted, unless your children are toddlers.

BUT looking at how unhelpful your husband is, I doubt very much he will remain in regular contact with your child in the long term, so before you start thinking of divorce I would suggest you try to convince him to attend Relate, or even stop doing things for him, so he feels forced to do things himself or needs to deal with the consequences of his lack of action.

May I ask why on Earth are you taking care of his Christmas cards? If you treat him like a child it is obvious he will continue acting like a child. Everytime you see a man who is helpful at home, you will see a wife to his side who refuses to be treated as a doormat.

You are probably describing married life for thousands of couples. This is the sort of thing I like to read as it makes me feel better about being on my own!
Seriously though, sounds to me like you are understandably feeling hard done by because you take on too much. Maybe he has no idea how you feel because that's what he expects a wife to do.
If I were you, I'd try to work on the communication side of things and try to see if you can both work on your relationship.
I think you're lucky to have one and remember relationships go through good and bad times.
For me to leave a marriage it would have to be for much worse reasons.
I'm lonely as anything and would love to still be married.... just my two pence worth. Hope you feel appreciated for all you do for your family soon

You will know exactly if the time comes to leave your husband. It is when you can bear no more. It is when you feel you have no trust left. It is when you feel you will be better off without him, no matter how hard it is to be a lone parent.
I honestly do not feel that you have reached this point yet... Hope you can still save it..