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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

Everyone OK about Father's Day?

17 replies

Earlybird · 17/06/2006 12:44

Everyone feeling OK about Father's Day? How are you dealing with it? What, if anything, will you do tomorrow?

DD has made a card for her favourite uncle, and am glad to say that she didn't hesitate at all. I thought her classmates might ask some awkward questions, but there was nothing. It seems to be my apprehension about it that makes it my own issue - she thankfully simply seems to take it in her stride. Bless her.

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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Aimsmum · 17/06/2006 13:20

My DD's school, did nothing for father's day at all, it wasn't mentioned or marked in anyway at all. Very different from when she was at nursery last year and quite a big deal was made.

My DD will be seeing her dad tomorrow. I have been having a lot of problems with him recently and i really grudged buying him something, but I did for DD. A tie, reduced to £3

Glad your DD is taking it all in her stride.

FWIW I never saw my dad at all when I was little and I don't remember father's day being a problem for me, i certainly have no memories of feeling left out etc.....but then again, I'm not sure if it was marked as much then as it is now.

Caligula · 17/06/2006 14:16

My DS made a card for his uncle as well.

I might suggest that he phone him to wish him happy father's day. But am a bit wary of that atm as his father didn't send him a card for his bday, which was only a couple of weeks ago. It might remind and upset him. Will play it by ear.

Original poster

Earlybird · 17/06/2006 22:57

Caligula - just curious, did you suggest that ds do a card for his uncle, or was it ds' choice? DD and I had talked about it in advance, so when faced with the task, she simply got on with it.

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fairyfly · 17/06/2006 23:04

I'm pissed off about it. Father rang, he's not been in touch for months. He asked my boys directly if they would go and stay with him as he had brought star wars lego and computer games. They nearly wet themselves with excitenent so i had to let them go.
It is so typical of him to call randomly because he wants his ego massaged on fathers day. I had to buy him a present as i didn't want to upset my boys.
When he came to pick them up he was three hours late and then criticised everyting about me. Couldn't stop going on about how he was getting married and nobody would ever have me. Tiresome fool. I wish he could just get over himself and let me be.

Caligula · 17/06/2006 23:06

Earlybird - he did it by himself, first I knew of it was when I got the card out of his bookbag.

He did ask this morning though "are we ever going to see our daddy?"

To which I replied "I expect so". Luckily, next sentence was "can you read us a whole chapter of Harry Potter?"

Caligula · 17/06/2006 23:08

FF - your ex really is an argument for murder, isn't he. What a total wanker. He must have more ill-will vibes from unknown internet women than any other man on earth.

fairyfly · 17/06/2006 23:16

Thanks Caligula,how are you? i think i'm just pissed off as his life is sorted. I think i'm becoming a jealous bitter cow. I dont want to know about his bllody wedding, he is going on a honeymoon for 6 weeks. 6 bloody weeks and he gets told he doesn't have to pay maintenance, it's shocking.

But on the humorous side he has definitly started using hair straightners and he was pouting.

Caligula · 17/06/2006 23:18

Can you ask him to send you a postcard every week? And then send them to the local press/ your MP?

His life will not be sorted for long. Either his personality or his poetry will see to that.

spacecadet · 17/06/2006 23:18

my kids havent botnered to make any thing for h, dd1 has sent a card to her dad, but i havent even bothered to go and buy a card for the other 3 to give..cant be arsed

Original poster

Earlybird · 17/06/2006 23:20

FF - he sounds a complete nightmare. I don't know how you manage.

Caligula - making a card for an uncle instead of a dad is a major statement from your son, and I think shows a robust and healthy outlook. I suppose dd and I are fortunate in that there's never been a dad in the picture, so while there's no positive influence, there's also no one to let her down, or make life difficult.

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spacecadet · 17/06/2006 23:22

i doubt the kids will even see h tomorrow anyway.

Caligula · 17/06/2006 23:24

Do you think so earlybird? I wasn't sure whether it's a good sign or a bad one; he is interested in his dad, does want to know him, talks about going to see him and him coming to see us, but also says things like "I don't think we'll ever get to see him because he hasn't got any money for the train" (this was the last explanation I gave him - about 18 months ago - as to why xp hasn't seen them). I don't know whether the card thing is giving up on him or a sign of anger that he hasn't received a birthday card, or just a recognition that the main male role model in his life is my brother. It's difficult to interpret, really.

fairyfly · 17/06/2006 23:25

Good idea Caligula, i will suggest he sends some to the boys. Not that he will.

fairyfly · 17/06/2006 23:31

Earlybird i manage by becoming more and more hard faced. You know what, if the tables were turned i would have more sensitivity about getting married i wouldn't want to tey and wind someone up over it.

Wonder if his nut nut knows he uses their wedding as a point scoring excercise.

I was good when i met him this time though, i just was emotionless. We split up 3 years ago.

I did lie to him though, he said has your boyfriend found out what you are like yet and dumped you. I said, errr nope we are very happy.
I couldn't say, well yes actually.

Caligula · 17/06/2006 23:33

Next time just say "no he hasn't, I've dumped him, in favour of Jesus". And hand him a leaflet. And every time he comes round, tell him you forgive him and throw holy water at him and tell him Jesus has told you to offer him a cup of tea, but the devil drank all the milk.

Wanker.

Original poster

Earlybird · 17/06/2006 23:37

Caligula - I think making a card for his uncle instead of dad (especially if it wasn't discussed first with you) is a very brave thing to do, and is quite a statement. Did he speak to you at all about why he chose your brother?

Of course, you don't want to badmouth your ex, but I wouldn't make excuses for him either. I think it would probably be healthy if ds does feel angry toward your ex at some point (and you let him know that it's OK to feel that way). Far better to feel anger, than to feel rejection. It's a hard lesson to learn to invest emotionally in those who can/do respond, and move on from those who can't/don't. Maybe your ds is seeing that your db can be relied upon?

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Caligula · 17/06/2006 23:40

True. I've always been so careful about not slagging off xp that I perhaps haven't been open to expressions of anger. But round about 7 I guess is the time they will start happening, so must watch out for it...

Blimey it's a tightrope, isnt't it?

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