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Original poster

The magical 6-month mark

7 replies

willdivorcesoon · 26/08/2013 09:32

What do you think? I keep reading threads that say after 6-months the OP will feel better, stronger, happier, glad 'it' happened, whatever the 'it' maybe and I just feel, well.... very 'meh' about it.

I am 9 months on from a split that came out of the blue for me and although yes, I am not crying every day now, I still don't feel great or happy if I'm honest. I have 2 small children and if anything I still feel a huge sense of injustice, anger, betrayal. I am far from feeling happy that it happened and wondered, if its me, or is this magical 6-month mark just a myth?! Am I slow, hanging on to things too much or just unwilling to move on?

Most days are about surviving. I am trying to sell the marital home, find somewhere smaller, manage 2 small, demanding children, think about a job, worrying about money all the time, feeling lonely, feeling sad that my marriage ended the way it did. I just don't know how to make myself feel happy iykwim?

How long realistically did it take you to feel happy and what was the catalyst for that happiness?

OP posts:
Fifi2406 · 26/08/2013 09:41

Mine took about 2 years to be totally fine with it for the majority of the time I still have moments although they are few and far between! Mine was just the realisation hit me that he is actually a complete dick not the person i built him up to be in my head and we are better off without all of the negativity that would be in our lives if he was still here! He has no contact with our DS so when I saw a few pictures of him and he wasn't as good looking as I remembered so that helped! Wink

Fifi2406 · 26/08/2013 09:46

Also you're trying to sell a house so are not settled somewhere so once you are I'm sure you would find it easier to feel a bit happier! I don't think there is a set time for when you will get over it or be happy it's different for everyone so try not to compare to other threads Smile

shanelle5 · 26/08/2013 20:43

Im with you OP, so just wanted to say if you are slow so am I Sad
I just feel bitter and angry sometimes, coloured with sad at others.
Someone told me its like grieving though. Not even for the man himself but for the future you thought you had, and the family you expected to be. That explained it well to me and sums it up really. Be kind to yourself, there is no magic timeframe, everyone is different and what is right for one may not work for others. Youve got a lot on your plate so just take it day by day and as someone else suggested I think you may feel better once you move and truly are able to start again in your own new little home. Hugs, and post here for the lovely supportive Mums, Ive found it really helpful xx

scarlettsmummy2 · 26/08/2013 20:48

Where abouts are you? If you are in Scotland there are five new projects being set up called 'making it work' for lone parents- I run one of these. Might be worth getting in touch with one if you would like a bit of support.

Lackedpunchesforever · 26/08/2013 22:17

Oh God 6 months is NO time at all! It's almost 3 years since a very acrimonious split after an abusive marriage and the discovery of his affair and I'm 'almost' there. But I still get flashes of incredible hurt, periods of intense sadness and days when I still wonder 'what' and 'if'.
On the whole though, the kids and I are doing really well. I really think that everyone is very different and would avoid putting a time scale on your healing. I really do take one day at a time.

Original poster
willdivorcesoon · 28/08/2013 07:51

Thanks for the reassurance. I thought that 9months was no time at all to have got over the hurt etc but I have read so many threads on the Relationships board that cite "6 months" as being when the OP will feel stronger, better, glad it happened etc that I started doubting my recovery!

I'm definitely better than I was 9months ago but I still wake up every single day to the realisation that it wasn't a horrible nightmare but is in fact all very real. I so so wish I could turn back time and for it not to have happened.

Scarlettsmummy, no I'm not in Scotland, I'm about as far away South as you can get from Scotland! I wish I could find some similar projects here as although I have friends I feel very alone going through this as none of my friends have or are divorced. I'm finding that part tough.

OP posts:
comingintomyown · 28/08/2013 09:06

I wouldnt put yourself under pressure of a time frame for feeling over it all. It also depends sooo much on how happy you yourself were in the marriage, how long you were together, how your relationship with your xh is , how much support you are getting etc etc.

I did everything I could to make damn sure I could move on as quickly as possible eg self help books, therapy, asking for support from everyone.

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