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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Original poster

Do all men see single mums as desperate?

22 replies

Ghirly · 16/08/2013 00:38

I use Twitter quite alot and a couple of days ago one of my followers who I'm not too familiar with started messaging me.
Private messages but still just nice chatty complimentary things.
Nice guy I thought...... Wrong!

Turns out he has a wife and a child. Then conversations very quickly change to basically him wanting to get his leg over!

Anyone else find this or was I just unlucky with this particular creep man?

OP posts:
SnoopyLovesYou · 16/08/2013 09:53

Yes I found this on my short-but-still-too-long stint as an Internet dater.

WithConfidence · 16/08/2013 09:57

Ever seen About A Boy? Single mothers are desparate and grateful for any attention, apparently.

WillyandTig · 16/08/2013 10:36

I think a lot of them do. I've noticed a few seem to assume that because I have a child (who is proof I have had sex I suppose), I must be easy.

SnoopyLovesYou · 16/08/2013 12:59

Yes that's right. It's clear we are not virgins. Haha! This world we live in is a very sexist place!

burberryqueen · 16/08/2013 13:01

yep single/unmarried mothers are slags, even my sister told me, and my brother actually asked if my unmarried friend who was pregnant 'knew who the father was'.

kinkyfuckery · 16/08/2013 13:07

I have a friend who was 'stopped' from spending time with me when my marriage ended, because "She'll be a slag and if you spend time with her she'll make you into a slag too"

DioneTheDiabolist · 16/08/2013 13:09

No, not all men see single parents as desperate. In fact, in my limited experience, none of the men who I have dated/been interested in me have seen me in this way.

But then I am very strong, the merest whiff that a potential shag wasn't my equal or a bit iffy and I ended contact.

equinox · 16/08/2013 14:33

It depends on their education if you ask me lol. The guys not the women!

colditz · 16/08/2013 14:34

I was the very opposite of desperate! nything less than near perfection and he can eff off!

SnoopyLovesYou · 16/08/2013 20:25

Yeah I think it's a good sign of how stupid a man is. I'm so fussy now too! Will never settle for anyone I don't 100% like :-D

DaydreamDolly · 16/08/2013 20:28

Yes I think some men hold this pre conception. I'm sure you set him straight.
There are decent men out there though, don't lose hope Smile

Original poster
Ghirly · 16/08/2013 21:53

burberryqueen that's an awful thing to say!! I'm pretty speechless.

DaydreamDolly yeah I set him straight! I didn't mind a bit of flirting but as soon as I found out about the wife he gave me the creeps.
Really hope I meet someone who isn't like him in the future!!

OP posts:
SoftKittyWarmKitty · 16/08/2013 22:50

I'd like to hope not, OP. After all, the very fact that someone is a single parent i.e. they're not with a partner, by it's very logic means they're still single. If they were desperate, they wouldn't be single, surely? Hmm Personally I'm still single precisely because I'm not desperate.

honey86 · 16/08/2013 23:52

the mens wives are just as bad... some of them look at me like pure dirt, as if im gonna steal them Confused
errr not being funny loveys but no you can keep your fat sweaty fw husbands Hmm

yes im single, no i dont want to shag your husband. never slept with a married man. never have, never will.

i sometimes get the odd one that comes to me slagging off their wives and telling me their marriage problems... errrm.... do i LOOK like a bloody therapist?! Confused

SoftKittyWarmKitty · 17/08/2013 08:12

I hear you, honey. Sometimes you can visibly see women hold onto their husbands tighter when it's mentioned that I'm single/a single parent/no, I don't have a husband/no, it's just me and DS. I'm sure they think I'm going to jump the bones of the, ahem, vision of loveliness that is their DH the minute they pop to the loo. Um, no.

I've also had men telling me their relationship problems but in my case it was just a way to try and get in my pants, as said bloke went on to ask me to have an affair with him Shock. Needless to say, I declined, as I'm not desperate. His response? I'm boring. Confused So if we're not desperate, we're boring. Can't win, ffs.

honey86 · 17/08/2013 10:05

urrghh kitty Shock what a slimeball... i had one once who wanted to meet up with me, and when i said no he got nasty n said 'ahh well, i only wanted to screw you anyway'
really? i wouldnt have guessedHmm

these idiots really dont like rejection do they lol yet when you do reject them, they revert back to the 'perfect loyal partner' act with their wives. Confused

farrowandbawl · 17/08/2013 18:02

I love it when people look down on me because I'm a lone parent, or even better, look at me as if I'm about to run off with thier husbands or partners. It's a fantasic and very efficient filter. Those who think like this (men and women) don't get any of my very limited spare time so I carry on the search for people WORTH my time and the money for the baby sitter.

SnoopyLovesYou · 17/08/2013 19:52

SoftKitty - LOL at 'vision of loveliness'

RitaFajita · 18/08/2013 12:01

Men don't seem to see me as anything. Its like I'm invisible these days. Probably just as bad if not worse than them thinking am up for it due to being single mum!

mammadiggingdeep · 18/08/2013 14:52

A friend of mine sold something on eBay. The guy came to collect it....started texting her later to thank her etc etc....would she like to go for a drink?? He was married. The following week she had her gas metre read....he asked her out. We had the sane convo about people thinking you're desperate once they know you're a single mum. I wonder why??!!

lostdad · 18/08/2013 16:03

In answer to the OP's question and speaking as a man....no.

Before my ex left I wouldn't have dated a single woman (I had the misty-eyed image of the `traditional' family because that's all I ever wanted...actually it's what I still want even though it isn't going to happen Grin).

When I dated after she left however I did go on dates with several single mums (working on the principle I would be a terrible hypocrite to dismiss women with kids when I had one myself) and found them...well...as variable as any other woman.

Bottom line though is that men who DO believe single mums are desperate are falling for yet another stereotype along with all the other harmful ones (i.e. malicious mums', deadbeat dads', etc. etc.) without bothering to find out what the actual facts are.

serendipity16 · 19/08/2013 10:15

So glad to hear others are experiencing the same thing.
I've split from my dh but we're still living together whilst we sort things out.
As soon as men know I've separated from my husband, suddenly i get texts, facebook messages etc asking to hook up.
So many men just think i'm desperate for sex because i've been seperated from my dh for 9 months - actually no i'm not desperate for it.
I'm willing to date someone but i'm not the kinda girl who is gonna jump straight into bed with a man.
Apparently a work colleague who was interested in me said i'm old fashioned in my views. Ok i might have been out of the dating game for 14 years but i can't believe thats how men work.
He reckons - you meet, you sleep together etc and then after a few months the man decides if he to be your boyfriend and then you date!!!
Now i thought you meet, you date then you have sex..... i must be old fashioned.

Even old friends and friends of my brother (who recently died) have asked me for sex.
A few are married or have seriously girlfriends and young kids.

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