Thinking of Leaving my partner.... Please help!

[JoshuasMummy]

Hi

I have bee with my partner for just over 4 years and we have a 17 month old son together, we brought our first house together in November last year, I think I want to leave as I feel our relationship is more like a brother/sister thing now! I am so confused and my stomach is in knots! Havent been able to eat for the last few days! I have felt like this for a long time, but have always kept my feelings pushed to the back of my mind, but on saturday night, I had a few drinks and talked about it to a friend for the first time, and now I cant stop thiking about it! I dont want to move back with my parents, but have no idea how much money i will have as a single mum! PLEASE HELP ME!!!

i was in same situation when first daughter was born - stayed for seven more years - it was hard but like you i kept everything to the back of my mind and told no-one. i think now you have started talking about it you need to get it sorted. my partner and myself went to relate but it was way too late (for me anyway, my husband still wanted to be together) but i think it may have helped if we went earlier. do you work? i just found a house to rent, then applied for housing benefit (you will be intitled to it as long as you don't have too much equity in your home). i was better off as a single working mother than i am now with a new partner. But the best advice is to stay in the house you own with partner - even if it means seperate rooms/beds untill housing can be sorted out. i would be glad to talk to you some more, am on my way out and just came across this so i will check the thread later! thinking of you.

Thankyou! I feel so sick and dizzy and so not with it!! I work a few eveings a week at the moment to give me some money, but obviousyl i would go back to work if I needed to provide for my son, although I would miss him terribly, i love being with him during the day! put alot of money in to our house, I'm talking 60k, problem being 95% of it was his money, but the house is in joint names and everything would be split straight down the middle, so I think I would have to give him it all back after all, we have still got our son together are will always be a part in each others lives, and i think if I went for the money that would be a really bitchy thing to do! But then on the other hand i have got to think about my son, and giving him a decent home. I just think how long should i pretend everything is ok?! am I wasting my life at the moment?!

i felt the same way as you, i didn't feel i should take the money from the house as it was my choice to leave and he paid the mortgage, so i got 50% of the equity of the house, but by the time my ex had sorted out the money, house prices had gone up loads and i am in a tiny terraced house with a huge mortgage and he is in a 4 bedroom house with less mortgage so i really should have stayed put. i really sympathise with you as it sounds so like me. have you spoke to your partner about it, maybe he feels the same and you could work something out between you.
i think even if you have equity in the house you can still get housing benefit for 6months, and tax credit is usually quite good so as long as your not a big spender maybe you could try a trial seperation for 6months with a view to sorting something out with finances during that time. we attended family mediation just so we could sort out finances and they were really good, it helps to have a neutral third party and if you are on low income i don't think you have to pay. as far as finding a house is concerned it can be difficult if you are claiming benefit so i found the house and moved in, then applied they usually pay back pay.

I agree with tiny titch about being better off as a single mum although the process of divorce and moving is very expensiv. I left my husband 3 yrs ago and like you i only realised the depth of my unhappiness after getting drunk and fessing all to a friend. its been a huge upheaval for my ds 12yrs and dd 6 yrs and myself. i still feel guilty and selfish for ending a marriage (husband very bitter to me - no-one else involved) but you have to be true to you. i live in a tiny terraced house now but my children are happy and have met someone new and special.its been a tough journey but one i needed to make. i hope you make the right decision for you.