I just need a bit of a moan sorry.
I am currently 22 weeks pregnant and I have two daughters already, one 6 and the other nearly 3. In June I finally worked up the courage to ring the police about the abuse I suffered at the hands of my husband. my parents had told me not to report him but if I had to because he hurt the kids then they'd support me best they could. Their priority has never been me but when he did hurt the kids I reported everything and I spoke to my midwife and to DD1's school and referrals to children's services were finally made and I stopped all contact with their dad.
Since then I have given many police interviews, spoken to social workers, been in school to speak to teachers and been to lots of doctors appointments trying to sort out counselling for DD1 who is really struggling with everything and is a real handful as well as not sleeping much and waking screaming and shouting having had nightmares. I haven't had more than 6 hours in a night for months and that is normally in three or four blocks having settled people back to sleep or having woken with nightmares of my own.
I live 100 miles away from all my family so I have done all this on my own, most times when I've been going through talking to the police or things like that they haven't even managed a phone call or a text to check I'm ok.
My mum works in a school so she is off for her summer holidays and has been for the last 3 weeks. I, stupidly now I know, thought that once she was on holiday she'd want to come and help out a bit and to check the kids were ok even if she had no interest in me but she hasn't. She hasn't made one visit or even planned one in for the next few weeks before she goes back to work because she's far too busy looking after my sister's children. She takes my sister's kids to school every day because they attend the school she works at and she's having them all through the holidays eventhough the kids have 3 parents, mum, dad and stepdad, two sets of grandparents and a full extended family of aunties, uncles and cousins.
I have no one at all to take the kids for even an hour and when I have to speak to official people about stuff I have to pay for childcare out of money I don't have because he wouldn't let me work so I am on benefits at the minute.
My dad rang me a few minutes ago and he told me that my mum doesn't visit because she finds it upsetting to see the kids struggling and she doesn't feel its safe to drive home like that!!
I've coped pretty much with the crapness of it all until that phonecall, how can she even call herself my mum when she knows me and my kids are struggling and chooses to ignore it rather than upset herself?
I posted in relationships about my parents before and was told to get rid of them from my life because they weren't good for me but how do I do that when I have no one? but then again is no one better than people who will ignore you because its too upsetting to them to see how hard things are for you?
Sorry for the moan, I'm not even sure its cleared my head but I needed to try something because I got to paint a smile back on my face and go and play with the kids now.