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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

FFS!!!!

11 replies

shanelle5 · 11/08/2013 22:18

I am just a tad pissed off and coming here to sound off. I may also have had a glass of wine. disclaimer!
OK, ex p (knobber) was meant to have contact with our baby this weekend as he sees him the same weekend as he has contact with his other boys. How jolly, he gets to have a play date at the park with 3 of his 4 estranged kids! Anyway unbeknown to me, his ex wife cancelled him having his 2 boys, so he decided to work. I like a fucking idiot didnt plan anything and sat here all weekend waiting only for him to casually drop into conversation once he bothered to phone me that he was away working as usual and couldnt see baby as he was away until Monday night. Im away early Tuesday for a 3 day break so another week goes by without him seeing our LO.
So after stewing on it all weekend I sent him a LONG and very carefully worded email. It took ages to write, I wasted most of my evening wording it with thought so as not to be too rude or sarcastic but to say I was a bit upset that he was sidelining our son and not given him more thought etc. It was really long and I checked and re-bloody checked it before sending. I HATE confrontation but he has been a twunt and let me and our DS down SO many times it needed saying. Anyway would you F** ing believe it, I sat there all nervous waiting for his explanation and similarly carefully worded and hopefully remorseful response only to get this 2 minutes later.... " Sound words indeed. I will put my house in order"
What the actual fuck is that supposed to mean bloody idiot WHY do I bother time and again....

OP posts:

RandomMess · 11/08/2013 22:20

Perhaps he is going to put his house in order and stick to his commitments to your dc regardless of what his other dc are doing?

Original poster

shanelle5 · 11/08/2013 22:25

It would be most uncharacteristic of him to be so thoughtful but one can only hope...
Hadnt heard that phrase before but I think I get it

OP posts:

RandomMess · 11/08/2013 22:47

Well I hope he does mean it as it sounds like a frustrating situation x

Original poster

shanelle5 · 11/08/2013 22:57

Thankyou.. me too x

OP posts:

HerrenaHarridan · 11/08/2013 22:57

I feel your pain.

Yesterday my dds dad cancelled for the 12 time (out of 24)

It's two hours a week ffs and you can't even manage that! And then you wonder why we split up, what a wank stain!!!!!

HerrenaHarridan · 11/08/2013 22:58

Oops sorry I didn't mean to phrase that as though I was talking to you op

Original poster

shanelle5 · 11/08/2013 22:58

What a twunt herrena Did you give him a bollocking of any kind??

OP posts:

HerrenaHarridan · 11/08/2013 23:02

We communicate through mediation as he has bail conditions not to contact me. It's a fucking mess and most certainly was not the plan when we started trying for a baby.

I really don't feel there is anything I can do. It's not in my dds best interest to stop contact as long as he actually turns up (50%) of the time

I have spoken to mediation about measures to confirm the day before contact if he's actually coming so that I don't have to get up gets us both ready and begin the 2hr trek to the centre before I get a call cancelling

Original poster

shanelle5 · 11/08/2013 23:07

God you have more patience than I, if it takes you 2 hours to get there an he isnt reliable 50% of the time Id have thrown a wobbly by now. Poor you and poor DD, it must be very upsetting for her if she thinks she is going to see Daddy only to be let down. If she is old enough to realise that is. If not she soon will be and frankly that sucks

OP posts:

HerrenaHarridan · 11/08/2013 23:26

She's 17 months and I didn't think she knew, I've never said we are going to see daddy today etc but after 7 weeks without seeing him she was pointing the way and got upset with me when I went past to turn we usually take. She was pointing down the street and gabbling loudly and angrily.

They know a lot sooner than we give them credit for.

And believe me it's not patience I'm hopping mad but I don't feel i have a choice.

In ten years time when shes asking me why she doesn't see her daddy I will be able to say I did EVERYTHING I could and back that up with all the notes in my family planner of what the excuse for cancelling was (if we even got one) and how much notice we got.
I WILL be able to prove categorically (no matter what shit her dad tries to say about me) that I have never been the reason she doesn't see her dad

Honest op just you do what's best for your kid (and keep notes) play the long game

can you tell I was a kid who didn't see her dad yet?

Original poster

shanelle5 · 12/08/2013 07:14

I have just started keeping a diary and making notes for just that reason after some good advice here recently. It really sucks but as you say at least you/we can have a clear concience when the LO are older knowing we genuinelly didnt do anything to stand in the way of them having a relationship with their Fathers. At times its hard, I have to repeatedly grit my teeth and smile nicely, ask ex p when he would like to see DS etc etc and often chase him to bother, its rather one sided but same as you, I will be able to hand on heart look DS in the eyes and say I did try.
Ive started to back off a bit lately though, Im not going to live my life thriugh it or I will end up all bitter and I want to enjoy my babay not have his early years marred by a sour relationship with Ex.
I figure a decent Dad should not NEED chasing or chastising for no shows. A decent Dad fights to be near or with his child and spend as much time as humanely possible. If he cant be bothered, neither can I xx

OP posts:

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