Ex wants to move in with girlfriend before she has met the kids

[singlemummy39]

My ex and I separated reasonably amicably 1 1/2 yrs ago and in Jan this year he told me he had met someone. We discussed it and agreed the way that things should proceed when she eventually met the children (i.e. slowly and at a pace that the children where comfortable with).

He has only mentioned his girlfriend once since then, when I brought up the subject to find out if they where still together and serious about 2 months ago.

He has recently been given notice on his flat and is looking for a new pace to rent and told me today that his girlfriend is going to move in with him when he finds somewhere (in 4 weeks time). The children (6 & 4) do not know he has a girlfriend have therefore not met her.

He thinks that he can keep the fact that they are living together secret from the children (they stay with him for one night every weekend and for longer periods for holidays)and that they won't be harmed and don't need to know that they are living together.

I think this is completely wrong and deceitful. I feel the children should be introduced to her slowly, over time to enable to best outcome for them and everyone else.

Would appreciate some unbiased views on our situation...

Thanks

So where will she (and her belongings) go for that one night a week?

He says that he will hide away her things so the kids don't see and ask her to make herself scarce.

Lol that's ridiculous! They will find something to question him over

I think he should get on with introducing them. Better that they know her in advance of them moving in together. I don't really understand why it hasn't happened before now. It's doesnt sound fair on either the children or his girlfriend to do what he is suggesting.

i agree with you. ds1 met his new pregnant stepmum once before she moved in with his dad. it's crap, but there's nothing you can do about it other than shrug and call him a wanker under your breath.

He just needs to chop on with introducing the children to her.

They're moving in together so it's obviously serious.

I think if they're serious enough to move in together he really needs to start introducing her to the dc. He might be able to keep it from them for a few weeks but kids aren't stupid so he'll need to introduce them sooner rather than later.

I think it's time to start telling them that dad has a new partner. Hiding her away is ridiculous, unworkable and may lead to resentment on her part.

He needs to introduce her to the dcs. Like others have.said pretending she doesn't exist isn't going to work for long.

My dc met their dads gf.a week after they started dating, and when they asked if if they could go back to his house now he said "oh I live here now". (here being the gfs house)

I think it's perfectly reasonable for him to start introducing the idea that he has a girlfriend now.

I wonder if she knows she is going to be hidden once a week! she's bagged herself a good'un there hasn't she. I cant imagine why he's your ex.

Thanks all. Am hoping to sort it today - I am very happy for them to meet the gf and would have been happy if he had suggested it months ago! Just not happy to hide things from my kiddies.

My cousins's ex failed to mention to his teenage daughter that his girlfriend was living with him. She discovered gf's clothes in the closet and concluded that her dad was a transvestite, and that that was the reason for the divorce!

lol at lunar1

singlemummy, you sound like youre doing a brilliant job x