AIBU Re contact?

8 replies

Overtheraenbow · 01/08/2013 23:20

Message today from ex can I swap a weekend as he is 'busy' ( read going somewhere with gf/ow)

Now normally wouldn't mind swapping but it's the weekend 2days after sons birthday and I'd planned to have his party then .

Now if he was planning something special for the kids I would possibly consider changing it. I have said I will have them extra for his w/end and as its half term he will see them extra then anyway. He has changed weekends several times since split ( when visiting ow and I have always had them then) but when I have asked for a tiny bit of flexibility complains and I get a torrent of aggressive emails from him.
But is it wrong and could be seen as denying him access? If I offer him 2 days extra over half term or another weekend swap would this be better( I have said he's welcome to come on sons birthday which is midweek)

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starlight1234 · 01/08/2013 23:43

No you are not denying him access... Just because he asks doesn't mean you have to agree...Sorry I have plans that weekend is fine,,You don't have to explain what you are doing...

If he starts you are denying access this is just bullying tactics...

Original poster

Overtheraenbow · 02/08/2013 01:06

Hmm that's what I thought ( and thanks star for the reassurance about bullying , he is a bully and EA that's what I thought too)
He still makes me doubt myself time and again ! I try to do my best for the kids and not let him push me about but every time he makes it appear that I'm denying him a relationship with them ( despite the fact he left to live100 miles away with ow)

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calmingtea · 02/08/2013 06:54

YANBU. You have plans. If he can't do a weekend, I don't think it is reasonable for him to spit his dummy out by insisting on 'swapsies' (very juvenile), he is talking about children not toys and you all have lives that you are trying to lead as normally as possible. You have a more than good enough reason why you are declining, so let him stew.

CatDogAndMouse · 02/08/2013 07:00

My partner can never swap dates with his ex as she can not be reasonable. You are already being fair with him and it's a special weekend for your DS. You are not denying him access at all. He should realise how lucky he is to have some flexibility at other times!

Lackedpunchesforever · 02/08/2013 13:34

YANBU to decline on this occasion as you have important plans already. There is such a fine line between being accommodating and being bullied.

lostdad · 02/08/2013 17:13

It's give and take - same as if you were still with him.

Forget what you want, forget what he wants - what is in your DC's best interests? It's all a judgement call and it is likely that even if he's working solely in the best interests of the children he will have a different idea about what that is).

At the end of the day - don't get into a `tit for tat' game because it's your DC who are the ultimate losers if you do.

WeAreEternal · 02/08/2013 17:21

Use the MN classic "no sorry that is not convenient"
And tell him it is his scheduled weekend or nothing.

Why should you do him any favours he sound like a complete arse.

Original poster

Overtheraenbow · 02/08/2013 19:56

Thank you everyone. And yes he is an arse!!

I sent him an email :" I can have the children on the xxx th . on the xxth ( bday weekend) we have plans thank you. "
He's not mentioned it again !!

Think he was chancing his arm. He forgets I'm not the wife he cheated on sometimes and am now the strong independent woman I was before he ground me down!!

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