What happens if you have to give up a job because your child is ill or in hospital ?

[TheOriginalNutcracker]

Afaik i'd have to prove I had good reason to give my job up, (camhs letters stating dd's scuicidal, self harming and eating disorder do ?).

What then though ? I am applying for dla for dd, but not overly hopeful of getting it. If I don't then i'd still have to be on jsa and look for work right ? Dd cannot be left alone though, so, how will it work ?

Must point out that I do not want to give up my job, but it is getting harder and harder to make the two things work.

Bumping for the early morning crowd.

How old is your DD? Most benefits you will be eligible for depend on being awarded DLA at middle or highest rate.

She is not always at school no. Sometimes she refuses to go, and nothing I can say or do will change her mind.

She is 13 btw.

I've been here. There isn't much help. They will expect you to work while she is at school and arrange alternative care when she isn't. We sent a whole load of evidence to prove that even the police couldn't get her to school and there was no one else who could look after her, but to no avail. They sympathised but said there was no help available except DLA, which is tough to get for anything let alone this kind of thing.

There may be local funds or support groups, and when things were really tough the food Bank helped us out. It's worth meeting them.

Thanks Caja. The lack of help is disgusting.

Camhs have stated that Dd is not to be left alone, but nothing is in place to help with that.

I've just had 2 weeks off work sick with the stress of it all as it is.

Today dd has a camhs appointment and there is a very high chance that they will make me take her to a&e to be admitted, as she has been cutting her thighs again, and last night stole some of her sisters painkillers with the intention of taking them all. She is also not eating properly.
I am supposed to be working all day tomorrow and friday, yet I have a suicidal dd here that I cant leave. My mum cant cope with her, and her dad usually manages to make the situation worse.

If you get middle or higher rate DLA for her, you can claim income support, carers allowance, child tax credits, housing benefit and obviously the DLA. You wouldn't be expected to look for work in these circumstances. There is lots of help available however its only if she is awarded DLA!

It's horrid :( I'm trying to think of anything that helped us.

We got told not to leave her, too. I tried it once, when she seemed to be doing okay, and I thought I'd removed everything from her reach. I'd only been gone around 5 minutes when she slashed at her neck and legs, she'd bought a blade back from school. Even when the school found her self-harming in the bathroom, and wrote to use saying they didn't want her there until her "problems were resolved", there was no solution.

It felt terrible forcing her to school, especially when the police had to start forcing her every morning, only to find that she was being given tablets or finding knives there. There really needs to be more support...

I hope CAHMS is okay today, and that if DD needs to be admitted, she goes easily and it's not too stressful. The staff were really friendly when we were there, and had some great tips. It became the only place I was happy to leave her while I was working, which sounds terrible.

Look after yourself. This is so hard and draining.

Yeh, I am almost done filling in the dla form, but going to mention it to the camhs worker today, to see if they will fill a certain bit in too.

From filling in the questions, it is clear to me that dd currently requires way more care than other 13yr olds, but wether it is deemed enough for middle or higher care I don't know.

Not sure what to do in the meantime either

Thanks caja. It is very hard isn't it. I feel like I am consantly walking around on eggshells.

We can have an ok day, and then suddenly dd will txt me saying she wants to go to hospital because she doesn't feel safe.

speak to your employer HR, tell them the situation.

get signed off by doctor for stress they can do two weeks at a time i think
can you work from home?

speak to working families
www.workingfamilies.org.uk/

ask CAMHS what is there in terms of support, day unit at hospital?
if she to be admitted ask CAMHs to arrange so you dont have to go via a and e and wait for hours .

also if she says she wants to go to hospital then listen to her and tell camhs and take her there; she is voicing what she needs...

This was a bit of a nightmare when I was on JSA as dd has Aspergers and had associated anxiety issues. I'd been on IS as a lone parent, then changed to JSA, then managed to get DLA at HRC so was able to claim Carer's Allowance and go back to IS again. But the period on JSA, they simply did not understand that I couldn't work (dd had needs which meant she wasn't always at school, had lots of appointments, and it was unpredictable when she was off school).

CAMHS were unfortunately not that helpful to us when applying for DLA, they were very rude in questioning why I wanted to claim and said I was 'labelling dd as disabled', I really felt as though they thought I was looking for an excuse to get higher benefits . I used the Cerebra guide to claiming DLA and got a copy of dd's medical records, sent off all the reports and appointment letters as proof of her needs. It's hard to get DLA, but if she is getting this much intervention and looking at in patient treatment then I think it's likely she's eligible, it's a matter of getting the forms right.

If you don't get awarded DLA you must ask for a reconsideration/appeal, it's very common for people to get turned down at first but awarded on appeal. Even if you manage to continue working so don't need the Carer's/IS, it's still worth getting the DLA as it's useful proof of disability and also to spend on things for your dd, you may want to spend it on private treatments or therapies.

Well we are just back from camhs.

When we got there i told the nurse how much dd had detiriorated this week, and she said she could see it too, as dd was just sat there like a zombie. I told her that dd had self harmed a lot this week, and planned to take an overdose last night.

We sat in the waiting room for an hour waiting for the doc to become free. She spoke to dd and then called me in and basically it was my choice then as to what happened next !! cos i know what i'm doing don't i !

Apparently the way it works is that this doc cannot say 'right, dd needs to be admitted now'. She can suggest that i take her to a&e though, but instead what they are going to do is refer her to the camhs at home team, who will see her every day until when i dunno.
This requires me to be there too, so what I am meant to do about work i don't know.

The at home team might decide that dd needs to be admitted, or they might not, as dd will pretend everything is fine.

They told her she has to start eating more than one meal a day and she agreed. As soon as we left, dd said 'i'm not doing it'

I do not know what the hell I am meant to do anymore.

This worries me too. I used to self harm when mum was at work full time, she ended up signed off work. She did carry on working after a while but home life was horrific. I'm praying I can continue working p/t when the dc's are teens and universal credit doesn't force me into full time work as I really fear for them.

I did ask my life insurance company if I could be insured against loss of earnings if the dc's were ill (we've had 2 lots of leukaemia in extended family) and basically there is fuck all out there.

Even when single parents are trying to do the right thing we're met with dead ends aren't we .

unless you say clearly that you cannot look after her at home and she is not safe they wont let her take up bed space.

and the costs...

so long as you provide and care for her they wont....you need to decide if you think in pattient would be best - is there a good teen unit near you?

i know - why should you be making those judgements? they are the profressionals... but - unless you make it cear to them you cant keep her safe, they will only offer at home services .

Afaik, the unit they'd send her to is the other side of the city, however, I have found a local one, that deals with eating disorders. I emailed them and explained dd's prblems and they have said that as eating disorders and depression, self harm etc go hand in hand alot, they think dd would be suitable for their unit.

I need a camhs referal to get her in there though, and so I am going to speak to them about this asap.