endless amounts of energy trying to build friendships-anyone else feel like a leper?

[elfgypsy]

Thank god its summer right now but i feel winter looming and have been working so hard to use my happy summer energy to connect with people so I don't get utterly isolated and depressed in the winter again, last winter was so unbearable, it went on for 5 months and took a huge amount of strength to recover any sense of hope and wellbeing. But I still have to give people a months notice to meet for a cup of tea and try about 10 friends at a time to maybe get a couple of meetings, I feel so scared that I will get exhausted again in the winter and not have the energy for this insane amount of output just to have some human contact.
Can anyone else relate? I have looked into gingerbread but the nearest groups are quite far away, also I am a gay single mum so even with single mum I feel pretty different, its always a bit awkward...
Thankful that mumsnet exists
xx

Yes I can relate to this. Moved back to the city after two years away (that's a whole other story about how hard it is to make new friends!) and when I got back I expected everyone to be happy to see me and arrange meet ups etc. Instead I got "I'm more free at the end of the month, give me a call then."

I have decided just to develop a thick skin (and use up energy!) and be really proactive in chasing people for engagements. There is no other way, people are so flakey, especially when contact is via text and is easy to cancel without having to ring anyone up. Personally I find that a bit rude, and did before I had kids, but it seems to be socially acceptable for others.

Have you tried looking on facebook for single parent groups in your area? I did meet up with a few people that way - also there is the mumsnet meet up bit on here, have you looked?

Also if winter is hard and depressing, might you be suffering from SAD? Sorry if that's not relevant.

Yes I can totally identify! Also some mutual friends of my ex and I sometimes blank my texts. Oh well! I try not to waste any more time on the 'friends' who don't give back!

I have given up on trying to make new friends with married people, they are simply too busy with their own issues and extended families.

I have some lovely friends who take the diary out and tell me that they can see me until up to 3 weeks later, I enjoy their company and I'm sure they enjoy mine. But to fill the time in between, I have another army of single friends who are single, expats or those with travelling husbands who are more available for popping in for a coffee, or invite me for one when we are housebund.

I also have a lot of friends from abroad, as none of us have family in the city we often get together for Sunday lunch or to go out and about with our children while the locals are busy with their own families. Good places to meet these people are salsa classes or international events, book clubs, etc

I just want more single mum friends who just get single parenting
I'm in Plymouth anyone near?

thanks for all your messages and suggestions, I often do my own head in thinking its just me and it all feels really personal and then I am really not fun company which spirals down...need to find my tribe and, Ham, I also want to be around people who get single parenting, I think it is very different to having a family circle or even just a partner...
Chandras, you have really sourced a great network there, sometimes I wish there was a book of ideas like that for single parents, who to look out for and where they might hang out. I am noticing a lot of ppl I am drawn to are from other countries, interesting! The sunday lunch thing is a particularly rough time for me, any ideas about how to find company for the evenings? I tried a meal swop with single mums but they weren't as single as I am, they had extended family to share evenings with so it didn't catch on...
xx

Keep your eyes open at school pick ups, soon you will notice which other mums are in the same boat. Elderly neighbours are also great, many times they are also wanting for a family to adopt as their own children have moved away.
I offer to do things for them and in return they keep an eye on DS and me :-)

I put a profile in a dating site many years ago, explaining that I had found all my friends were busy with their families while I had some free time to go to the cinema, coffee, walk, while DS was with his dad and was looking for friends (plain friends) who were in the same boat. You won't believe the number of single dads who contacted me. After many months/years of meeting for coffees, cinema or other events, some of them have become like family and now we often meet with them and their children to go swimming, cycling, walking, to the beach, etc. the children love it and we have a good time. But then I'm good at keeping plain friendships with men but I understand not all of the people feel able or comfortable with this.

Check also an app called Meet Up, there may be a group, with a common interest, that you may join.

Yes I'm totally in the same boat here. I moved back to the city a single mum after 2 years away. I got so much encouragement from friends and family to make the split and come back. But when I got back I realised that everyone was happy to see me once and that was it.

I was single mum to a toddler and pregnant and totally and utterly isolated.

After 6 months when the baby was born, my ex actually moved in. And in the period that I was living on my own, he was the only one that actually helped me.

I too found the long winter really hard. Hopefully it won't be so bad this year.

I think being a single mum with lots of family support must be completely different to being single on your own.

Love the idea of advertising on dating website for play dates!

i am also in the same boat as you elfgypsy. it is exhausting, i really thought being a single mum in London (Im also gay) i would meet others. but it is difficult as they can be so flaky!?