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wtf! how dare she!.argh, need a rant!

8 replies

IneedAyoniNickname · 28/07/2013 23:58

Last week my ds' went away with their dad, his gf and her dc.

Ds1 (8) told me today that the gf told him that they are going to get taken away from me and sent to live somewhere else!!

Now, I've had ss involved in the past, when severe depression meant my housework got on top of me. The case was eventually closed, but I have recently started working with a local family charity, who are helping me with my self esteem, and routines to keep the house up to standard.

I wish I was someone who was naturally tidy, but I'm not. I can't help it. I try hardest, I just can't seem to keep the house spotless. It's clean,just cluttered. I think the problem is that I honestly can't see why clutter is a problem, ss seemed to think nothing should ever be out of place, and my past involvement with them left me confused about what is normal. (for example, my sw asked me one day why there were toys out in 2 rooms,.ummm maybe because i have 2 children, who wanted to play with different things? She also refused to close my case as ds2s bed wasn't made, as in sheets laid nicely, not didn't have bedding on)

Apparently the gfs house is always spotless, but ds1 also says she never does anything with them. Personally i would rather play with my dc.

Then ds2 cut his toe on a door while they were away. He told me that when he tried to tell his dad, they said that "your mother did that cutting your toe nails, she needs to learn to be more careful" ds2 tried to tell them that's not what happened, but they just kept saying it was my fault!

I'm scared that if they go for custody they'll get it due to my history, and that they'll back each other up on stories such as ds2s cut toe to make me sound bad.

I'm also so fucking angry. Why the fuck would you tell an 8year old that he's going to be taken away from his mum :(

OP posts:
SirBoobAlot · 29/07/2013 00:01

Jesus that's horrific. Can you get there first? Contact SS and tell them what has happened, and that you are concerned that your ex's GF is trying to cause problems?

And limit contact as much as possible.

You poor thing, and your poor boys.

IneedAyoniNickname · 29/07/2013 00:05

That's a good idea. Or I could speak to my family worker at the charity. Thanks :)

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BlackeyedSusan · 29/07/2013 00:22

shit.

there have been a couple of social workers round here due to domestic violence (thanks for that h Hmm )and they have not batted an eyelid at the clutter.

oh and yes, tell your case worker. they are gaslighting him ffs. that is awful.

IneedAyoniNickname · 29/07/2013 00:51

I'll admit my sw was very ott (she once meantioned the servants they'd had in her family growing up in.non UK,) so I'm not sure she had a clue tbh.
A sw friend of mine has said my previous invovment shouldn't matter as I worked with ss and attended all the meetings, did as I was asked etc etc, but I still worry.

What's gaslighting?
:imagines Victorian street lamps but can't see the relevance: Grin

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thefattwins · 31/07/2013 15:21

No no no, don't "limit contact as much as possible" you have no right to do that and it will cause more problems. Carry on as normal and give positive messages to your poor son to make him feel secure.

Don't react when he tells you these things. Just hold him and tell him no one would ever take him away from you. Children learn very quickly what does and doesn't get a reaction and I'm not suggesting he would lie but 8 year olds are rarely the best at context.

Make a note of each occurrence of him telling you these things and report them every so often so there is a record.

I really feel for you, there is nothing worse than feeling like people are bad mouthing you to your children. Gaslighting is the emotional equivalent of leaving the gas on and making a person think that is was them who had done it and therefore they are mad... making someone question their reality. I'm not sure that is what's going on from what we have heard but something's a miss.

IneedAyoniNickname · 31/07/2013 16:59

Thanks thefattwins I wouldnt limit contact unless I honestly felt that it was in the dcs best interests to do so.

Me and ds have had a long chat about how much I love him, and won't let anyone take him away from me. He seems ok, and has said that he knows I am doing my best, and that when daddy and his gf say things they are not always true.

I'm seeing my charity worker tomorrow so I will speak to her if I can without the dc hearing. Ds1 hasn't mentioned it again, so I think he's ok.about it. I'm also feeling better about it now that I've had time to calm down. I know I'm doing my best, and we are working on the clutter. The house is getting better by the day!

OP posts:
thefattwins · 31/07/2013 17:39

Don't worry about the mess. I find the messier the house the happier the kids Grin

IneedAyoniNickname · 31/07/2013 17:46

Well me too, but sadly ss don't seem to agree! Lol but, as of today the playroom is fully functioning. Just a few more boxes to sort, but they can play in there. Yippee

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