To feel guilty during the hols

[Ange1972]

I am a lone parent, one DS aged 10. I am very financially restrained, have no family close by. I'm finding myself consumed with guilt at the fact me and my son are doing NOTHING during the summer! He is going abroad with his dad at the end of August so his summer isn't a complete right off!!! I find the free things we can do, walks etc, he's not remotely interested in and I've lost count of how many times I've dragged a miserable, pre-teen child out to so various activities! It's like banging my head against a brick wall!!! I look around and see families doing various things, always easier in a larger group, it's just me and my lad. Even things like picnics etc aren't much fun as its just us two and he would rather sit on his Xbox!!! An I right to feel guilty??? I really am full of enthusiasm, tho it doesn't sound it, probably cos I've had all my enthusiasm drained out if me? I've had years of summer hols trailing around trying to find some activities for us to enjoy, as a pair, but it seems everyone is having 'family time'??

Is there anything else at all he likes? Movies, games, sports of some sort?

If he's 10, I'm not sure if he's seen some of the old "still good even though they're considered oldies" movies like Star Wars, Raiders, etc. that his age might enjoy. Find movies he would enjoy and have a couple movie afternoons - popcorn, fizzy drink, and enjoy a movie.

Are there any of his x-box games that you're willing to have him teach you and you can challenge him?

Any friends nearby that can come over and hang out with him? Is the x-box in the main room or his bedroom? If you're both hanging out together - ie you're reading a book and he's playing x-box, you can still chat - show a little interest in the game he's playing, get him to explain it to you. You're still interacting and relaxing - it doesn't always have to be full on "do things together time."

Honestly don't know if any of this is any help at all. I have 2 DS's, but they're only 7 and 3, and while my DD is older, DD's can be quite different in that regard.

Also is there a library nearby that you can source DVDs or xbox games for low or no cost?

Thanks triggles your reply makes me feel not as lonely lol .

He is at that age where anything I do is 'not cool'!! I've spent hours helping him build stuff on Minecraft (great game in my opinion!) but I'm met with no gratitude. I've suggested movies etc but he's just not interested? I feel maybe this thread should be more 'how do I deal with a difficult pre-pubescent son'?!!!!

Basically I'm seeing the old 'grass greener on the other Side'... Families doing things together. I find summer hols the loneliest time in the world...... Only have mum and sister who live 40mile away and who basically don't give a monkey! Friends are off doing family stuff and I'm basically left to feel like I have 3 heads cos I'm on my own!!! My son is basically a lovely lad, he's very clever and loving.... I'm just not flavour of the month (year!) and his dad, who had an affair and buggered off, can do no wrong!!! He has plenty of money etc as he has the luxury of being able to work full time as no childcare commitments! I've actually had my son say to me I'm boring!!! Xx

If it helps, when my DD was a preteen we did:

• rollerblading (well, I call it that - she rollerbladed, I just fell over a lot and she only fell over laughing)
• movies (I let her pick most of them - was funny some of the ones she decided she wanted to watch)
• video games (again - mostly consisted of her wiping the floor with me, but hey ho, she was happy to do so )

Teach him to cook - tell him he can pick the recipes. I know, I know, he's a boy. But some enjoy it - especially if they can do a bit of mad science in the kitchen. lol

And hats off to you - I couldn't make head or tails of Minecraft if I tried. God help me when my boys get older. LOL

Thanks again..... Minecraft is great we spend a long time building things.... It just isn't appreciated

If it's any consolation we usually do sweet FA the whole summer although my son who is now 8 does go and visit his dad in London for ten days twice over the break so that gives him a modicum of something to talk about - although invariably his dad won't take him out anywhere special unless I remind him/subtly nag - but I am hoping to do a one day drive to Wales to see the sea as I haven't seen the seaside for two whole years which would explain why I am feeling potty lol.

I just send him to the childminder who luckily takes them out an awful lot and he is surrounded by children and really loves going, although it costs an arm and a leg really but only comes round once a year! Then I am stuck at home trying to work at my business earning the usual minimal crust. It has got to pick up one day!!

Do any of your friends have DC similar age? could you not all go out together and then the DC can play/do whatever/ride on bikes and you can catch up with a friend as you need time for you too. Maybe take a disposable BBQ and eat outside somewhere? I have always viewed my friends like family.

I think if he'd rather sit on his Xbox then I'd let him do that. Holidays are all about doing the things you enjoy isn't it? Would be nice if you're in the same room while he's doing it (0pitting your feet up!) rather than hidden away in his bedroom. Can he invit a friend over and you all have a BBQ at home while the weather lasts?

Oh, I wouldn't expect any appreciation either - that's a pre pubescent thing I think! Not known for their empathy.

If it helps you to feel better - I envy you the lolling around time with your DS. I'm a lone parent & I work full time out of necessity rather than choice and I would desperately love to be with my DCs during the school holidays, just pottering about doing not very much at all.

Don't feel guilty about not having money to do fancy stuff - I'm willing to bet you didn't do day after day of expensive things when you grew up. Most of us used to spend holidays doing not very much at all - that was the point of them.

Postbellum I work part time cos I have to..... I would love to work full time but I have to do shifts and can't do nights etc due to childcare! Or lack of it .

I have taken 2 weeks leave right now and will be back at work when my son goes to his dads.

Thanks to all the other suggestions.... It's really hard as I've said my friends so a lot of 'family' days, which I'm not obviously invited to. There are a few kids in the street but my son doesn't get on with all of them and as every parent knows, they can be playing on bikes/scooters etc then thd one kid turns up which upsets the balance and all hell lets loose!!!

I think I will just try to relax a bit and be led by my son? I think the core of all this is how the holidays make me feel really isolated!

I don't suppose your local leisure centre has cheap activities on for children of his age does it? Things that are run just over the summer holidays. I know now my son is 8 he can go to many things they run but as they are only for 2 or 3 hours at a time I would rather just carry on working and put him at the childminder all day so I can get on. But it might be well worth enquiring and I know they are really inexpensive by and large.

I sympathise op. was on my own for years.
I do find at that age it's us who feel we should be doing stuff. The kids are usually happy to have some time off school.
Can he have a mate over it better still a sleepover.
Make pizzas or popcorn is cheap ish, swimming shouldn't be much. Movie night with above snacks.
Don't feel bad tho as he's got his holiday to look forward to.
Find some new single mum friends. I'd have gone under without mine.

He's probably having a lovely time just relaxing and playing his games. I remember spending huge blocks of my summer holidays with my nose in a book and being very reluctantly dragged reluctantly on walks and other such family pursuits by my parents. I was lucky enough to have foreign holidays etc but, to be perfectly honest, look back most fondly on that glorious 'empty' time lounging about with my books.

Whilst it's nice that he has a holiday to look forward to, I'm willing to bet the words "Da-aaaaaaad, I'm boooooooored" will be uttered a fair few times.

If he's into Minecraft although I confess I know very little about it you could, if so motivated, attempt to find free activities related to the aspects of the game he finds most appealing (eg. Survival - den building, architecture/engineering - museums/landmarks etc) You could check the local library for books on minecraft.

Failing that, are there any free activities you can do at night? Astrology clubs often do free intro evenings, for example, many museums do night time events in the summer. He might be more motivated to do the family thing if he gets to stay up late to do it! Check your cinemas too as some do £1/person tickets for matinee performances of older films.

Finally, don't worry. He'll have a lovely time regardless.