I'm new to this so please bear with me & apologies for the essay but I need to get this off my chest before I breakdown completely!
I've recently faced up to the fact that my life was falling to pieces & that I needed to face responsibility & take back control over my life, you see I have a medical condition that can leave me in agony for days sometimes weeks at a time & then to top that off you bowel has stopped working & I've been trying to deal with these conditions for almost 3 1/2 years along with been a single mum to two children & the legal guardian of my younger sister too all while trying to hold down a full time job too.
I guess I should back up a little my partner & I split up 10 years ago now while our children were 4 & 10 months old, unfortunately due to the nature of my ex's job he hasn't always been able to have consistently regular contact with the kids & would often have to cancel at the last minute. Over the years I have done everything I can to ensure they saw their dad as often as possible even cancelling my plans if he would ring saying he had a spare few hours through the day or taken them to him & picked them up even when he moved approx. 30 miles away.
Once my daughter turned 2 I went back to college & got the qualifications I needed before starting work full time as I really wanted to be the one supporting my children. They both went to a child-minder & everything was on the right track for a number of years the kids learnt that there dad would have them when he could. Five years ago my younger sister who was 15 at the time came to live with me as she was on an interim care order so I had to go through all the police checks & home visits etc. before we could be approved to come live with us & over the years I?ve had to undergo numerous visits both by her Social Worker & Child Protection Team too & each time they went away happy with both her progress & how well so was doing in school as she?d not attended for over a year.
Unfortunately just over 3 years ago I was taken into hospital with server & after two weeks of tests was referred to two specialists for further tests & given possible things that may help with condition. After just over a year of tests & been told it was just in my head I was finally diagnosed with abdominal trapped nerve & told that my bowel had pretty much stopped working too which added to the abdominal pains. So for the last couple of years we have tried various medications & therapies to ease the pains but I just have to live with the chronic pain while still raising a family by myself while holding down a full time job & I managed it for a long time but last summer the pains became unbearable & I spent almost 2 months not been able to do anything even going from the bedroom to the bathroom could prove almost impossible.
Eventually I came back to work but my son began having issues at school & fell ill a few times at the beginning of the year as a result he would start stressing out because he was falling behind this would result in him getting blinding headaches & not been able to sleep properly & he got stuck in a vicious circle resulting in him withdrawing further & further into himself resulting in him hardly leaving the house for weeks at a time. We started seeing his G.P. in March & she suggested ideas to help bring him back out of his shell & I spoke to his school too. Through all this time we began to notice there was serious damp in the house & in all honesty I did allow the housework to fall by the wayside as due to the stress of my son been upset & struggling & working while trying to look after my kids too while not been able to sleep for days at a time I was completely drained both physically & mentally. As a result of this we began having more takeaways & began going out places on a weekend so we didn?t need to sit in the house as it was depressing (I know I should have tried fixing things instead of ignoring them) & as a result I did fall behind on my rent too (I?m not proud of this fact).
Just over a week ago I had a meeting with the education service for my sons attendance & I realised I needed to stop hiding from the problems & admit I was tethering on the edge of a breakdown that If I didn?t take control & also ask for help then I would end up having a complete breakdown. So I got my son back into school with the help of the educations assistance, I began clearing all the clutter from the house & trying to tidy up things so we could get the damp treated & then I tried to arrange making payment of half my outstanding arrears & set up a payment plan for the next couple of months to clear the rest but was told they wouldn?t accept that it was all or nothing & they wanted us to leave in a few weeks. I figured while I got things back on track the kids could go spend a few weeks at their dad?s especially when we removed the beds & saw how damp was I really didn?t think it was the best place for them to be
After seeking the advice of a financial adviser & housing support officer is was suggested I would be better off finding somewhere else to live & then payoff the debt at a later date rather than find myself homeless so I looked at several houses & eventually I found somewhere that felt like home so I managed to borrow the deposit & with the amazing help & support of my work mates I was moved in on Friday & the house is almost ready I also have requested reduced hours at work & they will be implemented in the coming weeks & I?ve managed to get all this stuff done in just under a week & I?m happy to say that I can see my life beginning to turn around & I don?t feel as though I?m going to snap at any moment anymore. I?ve done all this with my ex constantly telling me how much of a failure I am & how I?m unfit to be a mother & there not coming home as I?m running away from my problems, I?ve told him that it?s as though he wants me to have a breakdown & that?s why he?s making things more difficult than they need to be. Last night I picked the kids up although I can only see have them when he says & for how long he stays so the kids were upset when it was time to meet their dad & after lots of upset & arguing from the kids even though I had tried to explain that they needed to be with him for a few more days he started carrying on with me saying they are stopping as long as he says they are & if they don?t stop carrying on with him then they won?t see me at all until he thinks I have learnt my lesson in the end he said he would get a court order to keep them which finally got the raise for me he?d been looking for so I said I was taking them home with me. He then got physical & my son ran off as their dad threw our daughter into his car. The police were called as he?s been violent with me before & I was scared they sent my son home with me while they went looking for my daughter & once they meet him brought her home to me. Now today he has told me that for the last two days he?s been in court trying to get custody of the kids & that I have to attend Friday for a residency order & I?m terrified I will lose them as he has money for top notch solicitors & I can?t afford one at all plus in on a warning with work due to time off for kids & hospital appointments but there my kids I have to go. Can he get custody based on the fact I?ve been struggling lately even though I am turning things around?